Alicia and her family are back to the family's country house. She's crafted fond memories in that place, amongst her relatives, unlike her sister Kesia, the 'outcast'. Now, that she's started her brand new career, and that she's engaged to be marrie...
It wasn't her dismissive little tone I got, it was her bored "overly-tired-even-though-I-haven't-moved-from-this-spot" one,
"I've got this report to turn in..."
At least, she wasn't trying to pretend she was asleep,
and the complaint that arose next we actually said in unison,
"Life doesn't stop because of this dumb family vacation."A pause, a burst of laughter, followed by one of my sister's eye rolls and I tried to level with her.
She knew all my tricks as much as I knew hers, but it was worth a shot.
"Listen, I get it..." I sat down on the dresser's stool that faced the foot of her bed.
"No, you don't," her answer was short and sharp. It left no room for much, and if I wasn't feeling especially stubborn it would've been an easy deterrent to my random attempt. A part of me did crave to venture out into a truth that laid well beyond the surface.A truth I was to this day unaware of.
"Why does everyone keep thinking I don't?"
"Who is everyone? And I don't think it, I know it. You are one of 'them'. Whether you like it or not." I could see the instant regret in her face. She hadn't expected me to keep digging, she was in unknown territory as was I.
I tried not to let her words wound me, so I took a deep breath.
"You say 'them' like they are all a bunch of scumbags or something...it's your family too. It's the only one we've got."
"And that thinking is precisely one of the things that makes you one of them."
"Why do you even come then? You are an adult. You could just sever all ties if this whole thing makes you so miserable."
To my outburst, she backed down.
"You wouldn't understand."
"Oh, that's rich! If you are so much smarter than anyone else I still don't get why you put yourself through this."
"Because despite it all, I love them too. Just because I see them for who they are doesn't mean I'm heartless."
You seem pretty heartless around them."
"I'm trying my best, ok? But make no mistake, I'll never be what they want me to be. I'll never fit their mold."
"You are successful too. You probably earn more than some of our other cousins."
"But see, it goes beyond having a good-paying job, Alicia. I'm not their preferred 'brand' of success. I'm pushing 30. Unmarried. Living by myself. Did you know Aunt Crystal casually asked me if I had anger issues yesterday during lunch?"She positioned her pillow securely on her lap and my heart sank a little.
"Aunt Crystal has always been a little...?"
"A little bitch?"
She was right. In my gut, I knew the words she spoke were spot on.I had felt the weight of aunt Crystal's comments, but I hadn't stopped to think about their aftermath. Anger crawled up my limbs, it made my cheeks burn.
"They love you, and I'm glad it's been so easy for you."
"Whatever..." I yanked my hair up into a ponytail and avoided looking at her through the dresser's mirror.
I didn't know what frustrated me most. The fact that I was becoming more and more aware of it all or the fact that my sister could be so wrong about me.
Was she wrong about me?
"Listen...Alicia... I don't want to fight, ok?"
"You are the one being all hostile just because I merely suggested we go out for a bit."I lashed out, the last remains of my anger dissolving.
"I don't even remember the last time you asked. I know how much you love hanging out with Ewan during these tedious two months and when you are not with him you are too busy socializing...or being by yourself. I just can't help but sense my mother's hand on this."
I turned around to look at her. She had removed her thick, round dark-framed glasses, and the disheartened look on her face melted me to the core.
"Kesia...mom is not..." I seldom lied to my sister, yet I found myself unable to speak the truth.
What good would the truth had done?
The truth would only harden her already guarded heart.
"I don't have an Ewan, ya know... I have my job. So I get shit accomplished while you go boating on the lake."
Had I taken that away from her as well?
The memory of Ewan sketching her, the way she had laughed, truly laughed upon laying eyes on his sketch pad ...it washed over me and I felt nauseous. It made the lie that followed almost bearable.
"Mom had nothing to do with this. I'm getting tired of wandering around the town by myself and there's this new little bar/cafe where that useless battery store used to be...remember? I just thought you'd like to join me. I don't want us to fight either." My motives seemed to have appeased her. "And for the record, I didn't realize I was hoarding all of Ewan's attention..."
"I know. You've always been his favorite too. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be such an asshole. I know you mean well." She slid off from under her comforter and stood behind me.
"May I?" She asked, her fingers encircling the hairband that held my sloppy ponytail in place. I shrugged and she undid it. My long hair pooled on my back.
"You are paying, by the way, Miss fashion designer." She grabbed the comb from the dresser and combed my hair like when we were kids when I used to serve as her living barbie. We didn't speak another word as she skillfully knitted my hair into a beautiful french braid.
"You've got yourself a deal."
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