Alicia and her family are back to the family's country house. She's crafted fond memories in that place, amongst her relatives, unlike her sister Kesia, the 'outcast'. Now, that she's started her brand new career, and that she's engaged to be marrie...
Maybe I had loved the image he had so elaborately constructed of himself. His 'Alicia-costume-made persona' he had so arduously perfected when we were alone. Maybe I wasn't there yet, despite my hunger, or whatever morbid curiosity was plaguing my every thought.
I hadn't considered the person who hid underneath the glip little smile could be someone I disliked.
Was I willing to take that risk and tarnish our relationship forever? Could I go back to the version of Ewan I was comfortable with after everything?
"Where are you going?" I asked my sister. I hadn't even noticed she was all dolled up again and inventorying the contents inside her purse as she did every time she was going out.
"Megan invited me for a drive," she answered casually while applying another layer of lip gloss in front of the dresser.
"Oh?"
Was my sister lying to me too?
Judging by the effort she was putting into her makeup I would've thought she was going on a date.
"What?" She turned around for a split second to give me an annoyed little look and returned her gaze to her own reflection in the mirror. "She's fun! Unlike you all."
"I'm fun." I retorted, feigning being wounded by her choice of company and Kesia snorted.
"Sure, you are." She puckered her lips to spread the lipstick evenly. "But I need a bit of variety in my life, sis. Why don't you go out with Ewan for a bit?"
"I don't feel like it. Can I come with you?" I hopped out of bed excitedly -my eagerness dwindling upon locking eyes with a not-very-amused Kesia.
"Ummmm..." she pursed her lips trying to find reasons to not take me. "Why don't you want to hang out with Ewan? That's a first." She opted for changing the subject instead.
And like her, I wasn't going to tell her the real reasons why, so I shrugged.
"I'm starting to find out we are not as close as I thought we were." I finally said after one of Kesia's long, expectant stares.
"That's absurd! You guys are besties. Whatever it is, you should fix it. Ewan is a pretty decent guy." I saw her eyes lightening up when she continued. "Hang tight, 'll go fetch him."
"Kesia! Wait!..." But by the time I had made it to the dresser she was already out the door and I got the sense she would've done whatever it took to sneak out that night - even finding me a babysitter.
What or better yet who was she hiding from me? She wasn't going to meet that lady, Megan, that was for sure. Megan was one of the "moms" back in the day...how fun could she possibly be? Not tight black dress, heavy eyeliner fun...or was she?
"Knock, knock." I heard Ewan say a few minutes later, before opening the bedroom door.
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I flattened out my flyaway hairs and acted as though I was un-preoccupied as ever about my sister's choice of outfit, and Megan and especially him.
"I can't believe Kesia actually went to fetch you." I rolled my eyes and leaned my back on the dresser's edge.
"Nobody made me, Alicia. I came because I think we need to talk, would you like to talk?" I gave him a side peep, realizing he was standing at the entrance still.
"Who am I talking to, that's the real question."
"I guess the answer is 'no'..." He turned around as to leave, my words stopping him in his tracks.
"Sorry. Please. Yes. I would love to talk."
What? - Despite whatever lies I had told myself, the truth was I really wanted to spend time with him. It had taken only one took at his beautiful eyes to know this.
"Have you turned into a vampire? Can't come in unless uninvited?"I teased.
He turned back around, gave me a long, scrutinizing look. "Not here in your room. I don't think it's a good idea. Join me for a walk?"
"What's wrong with my room?" I asked even though I knew the answer to that.
"There're eyes and ears everywhere in this house, Alicia."
"So?" I prodded. "Are you afraid you are going to kiss me again? Is that it? "My heart picked up its pace, matching the flame my question had lit in the abyss of his eyes.
"That's definitely a probability. If we stay here, however, it's not only kissing what we'd be doing and I don't think you are ready for that."
A tremor spruced in my stomach, traveling down below as he spoke. My brain danced at the prospect of us under my light blue sheets. The fantasy made my cheeks burn.
He hadn't even touched me, and he had rendered me into a creature blinded by sheer want. A soft boiling want that had been suppressed, masked by a platonic love. The same mask that now laid crumbled on the ground the moment his lips had descended on mine the night before.
"Do you really think me that weak?" I swallowed in order to regain my composure, but a coy smile is all I got as a response.
He could see it too, the flame. Perhaps it was my flushed cheeks or the parting of my lips.
He stretched out his hand and after a brief pause, I took it. He led me outside of the bedroom and down the stairs.
We walked through the house's rocky entrance and into the garden.
The dim light from the vintage posts cast a golden light, gifting his golden curls a slight shine against the collar of his black buttondown shirt.
We made our way through the thick rose bushes that encompassed the center of the garden, where the hum of the water coming from a rectangular, grey fountain, paired wonderfully with the sounds of crickets and birds and the sway of the huge oak trees branches. All these sounds combined, like instruments of the most soothing melody and I could see why Ewan liked to escape to this slice of paradise. Away from the gossip and the same conversations and the same rehearsed looks.
In moments like these, I knew in my heart who he was. The way his soul itself smiled, and his nostril would flare at the various scents.
Perhaps it wasn't all made up. Perhaps the truth just laid on the surface and it was me who was too distracted to open my eyes and dive in. Perhaps I had been too scared when his face had gotten a bit too close and I was shielding my own feelings; My mind too cowardly to make the transition from viewing him as family to viewing him as a man. A man that unsettled some dormant part of me.
We weren't bonded by blood, despite being brought up as cousins. We were a man and a woman, and I had desired him, and suppressing that desire had turned me into a blind coward.
"I get it." My trembling voice pierced the garden's melody, drawing his eyes from the fountain stream to my face. "I get why you pretend around them...why you've hidden some parts of yourself around me." I walked toward him, my hands encasing his face.
I pulled him toward me, my lips melding with his. I kissed him deeply, our tongues caressing one another. He tasted sweet, I caught a hint of bubblegum and his favorite wine.
He kept his hands on each side of his body while we kissed. I saw apprehension in his eyes. Perhaps he didn't want to risk messing things up if he were to go too far.
