Although the sky was bright and blue this morning, the cloud cover rolls over and the low rumble of thunder prefaces the rain. Drops drip slowly down my windowpane, the room darkens with the absence of sun.
The weather matches my mood perfectly.
It's ten o'clock, Donny has started his shift and I feel for him standing out in the rain.
Faintly, in the distance I can her muffled sounds of megaphones and cheering.
At least the protesters are happy.
I wonder vaguely what they are protesting about.
Unfocused on my own work, I imagine it's important issues like lobbying to have Mondays included in a compulsory three day weekend, free healthcare for all, or awareness for unprejudiced open relationships.
I imagine walking down the street or into a movie theatre arm in arm with Donny and Jerome...
My boys....
I called them that, right before they both left me writhing.
Was that my mistake, claiming them both?
Well, fuck... they both claimed me, multiple times.
Donny and Jerome have both expressed they are emotionally invested in their bromance, maybe Donny is mine but Jerome is Donny's?
Maybe I'm just the meat between the buns, so to speak?
Maybe I don't get an opportunity to become invested?
Am I just convenience?
A way for them to be intimate without actually fucking each other?
Fuck, what if neither of them actually want me?
Oh god I can't breathe, I feel so stupid.... I feel used.
Of course they don't want me, I'm plain and uninteresting, I'm not even pretty.
I'm such an idiot.
I'm hyperventilating.
I open my emails and email my therapist, I need my best friend.
Lucy.
I've done something, something bad, something stupid.
Something really fucking good, but bad.... But good.
I need you!
I need help, I need my head checked.
Full disclosure.... I slept with Jerome.
You know Jerome, handsome, Ryan Reynolds looking motherfucker. I can't even count how many times we've done it.
And god help me I don't want to stop.
He's Donny's best friend, Donny's partner.... At work, and now between the sheets.
Yeah I've slept with Jerome but Donny started it, he's been the instigator and our biggest supporter.
Donny and I are now into threesomes.
What am I doing?
Why do they want me?
There's nothing special about me... I don't trust their motivation, I don't understand it.
I think... I think I like him.
Donny is my heart, you know this. We have always been perfect, I love him so much.
What am I doing?
Please, get up from your downward dog and save me from destroying everything that I've spent the last five years building.
Tell me open relationships can work.
Tell me I'm not a ho.
Tell me anything, I need you.
I love you.
Flea.
Goosey and Flea.
That's what my baby brother, Connor, would call us when we were kids. When Lucy would sleep over at my house and the only thing we had to worry about was forgetting to pack our pyjamas.
The names just somehow stuck with us as we grew older.
"Are you alright?" Harmonee asks from my doorway.
My eyes blink away the brain fog and turn away from the window where I have been staring absently for the last hour.
"Yes, of course I am. Can I help you? Do you need anything?" I ask while sitting up straighter in my chair.
"I'm done with the mail outs, Terrence is asking that I take dictation in his office.... He was stroking his belt buckle the whole time he was talking to me... he mentioned I should reapply my lipgloss and give him five minutes before entering his office" she mumbles. "What's dictation? Is it old person for you know... oral sex?" She grimaces.
"Not usually, but it is Terrence for oral sex, yes. He tried that line on me too, my first day. Three temps ago, I walked into his office and saw poor old Tina on her knees, under his desk, she was seconds away from the worst day of her life. She was also in her fifties and concluded that times just hadn't changed. She told me, when your boss drops his pen, you pick it up.... That's what you're paid for" I scoff and Harmonee pales.
"I'm not.... I won't do that" she freaks out.
"Nor should you. There's cameras everywhere in here, there's also a panic button if you ever feel threatened... it's silent and hidden under your desk. Terrence doesn't know it's there, or that I also have one in here. But he won't hurt you, he's not forceful.... He just hopes his influence will persuade you to give in voluntarily" I let her know. "He loves the chase"
"We'll I have three older brothers who also love a good chase, just ask any of my old boyfriends" she exhales with relief.
"You'll be fine, but he really doesn't need you to take dictation. I want you to start cold calling anyone who was looking to buy between October and December last year. Ask them if they would like any further assistance from us in their search, or if we should take them off our call list" I give her something more productive to do.
"Absolutely, no problem" she bounces out of my office.
