Birth

7

“I told Adrien everything.”

At this Nathalie opened her eyes impossibly wide “You did? I mean...I always thought you should but you actually did it?”

He could do nothing else but nod his response.

“And how did it go?”

“Well...,” he inhaled as he tried to condense everything that had gone down between him and Adrien, “That’s a question with multiple answers, but in general I think it was good.”

“What do you mean?”

Now he looked at her squarely in the eyes as most somber expression took other his face and admitted, and said, “Adrien was Chat Noir.”

He couldn’t help but raise his brows just a little in chagrin.

“Wha...” Nathalie barely managed before a coughing fit took her again until she was able to say again, “What?”

Gabriel couldn’t resist the urge to gather her into his arms. 

I thought the doctors said you were alright now. Are you really feeling better or are you hiding your symptoms again?”

He pulled her closer and made small circles on her back. In an attempt at comfort.

Nathalie seemed to ignore his hand for a moment and answered “No, I am really ok. It was just the fright. How... how could we have missed that? How could I? This...this house has cameras everywhere!”

He’d thought the same thing many a time since Adrien had admitted being one of the very superheroes they were fighting.
They’d been so stupid. He’d been so stupid, for he could hardly fault Nathalie when she’d had so much else going on.

“It’s not your fault.” He hurried to reassure her. “It’s hard to be in two places at the same time.”

Nathalie looked out at him and he tried to convey with a tilt of his head how much this was a joint failure between them but he wasn’t sure she quite understood.
 
“Still...” It was clear that Nathalie didn’t quite know how to feel about that bombshell and Gabriel couldn’t fault her for her attempt at deflection when after a long considering gaze she went for “Anyway, that explains why you’d chose not to be Hawkmoth anymore, not why you’d abandon your quest to revive Emilie. Why didn’t you try to take his miraculous as soon as you found out? Surely you could have found a way to steal it from him.”

“Well, I...” the way she’d put things made him feel simultaneously guilty for his decision to letting Emilie go and a terrible father for what he’d done to Adrien until then but he had to remember that “There was a price to pay. Adrien confirmed it. The wish was going to choose someone of equal value to me to take Emilie’s place. It could only be one of my two sons. Or you.”

----

Gabriel said this last bit in such a repentant manner, but Nathalie had to choose to ignore it because he was giving her a lot of mixed signals.

He’d gone from treating her as simple employee to caring for her as a friend, maybe? Only then after their night together, to pretending she didn’t even exist and now this. Openly assigning her the same level of importance in his life that his wife used to have. It wasn’t even funny.  

But to dwelling on how their non-relationship had ended without it even having actually existed would mean another conversation entirety.

“So.” Nathalie opted for the safe choice and asked instead, “What happened then? How are you two holding up?”

“As well as one might expect.” There was a brief pause as  he to put his thoughts in order and then he said “I don’t know. I am still dealing with it I guess. I feel stupid for everything I’ve done. I suppose it helped that we get to have closure. We cremated her.”

She knew the size of her eyes must have given  away all the surprise she was feeling.

As if Gabriel hadn’t noticed he continued, “We had a memorial and Amelie came. I should warn you that she knows about Raphael.”
Panic squeezed her throat. 
“Damn it, Gabriel. That woman…” Her voice came out with that  high pinch that only Amelie could bring out.

“Will do nothing.” Gabriel said as firmly as she’d ever heard him.

“How are you so sure about that?” She said, less so because she doubted his confidence and more because she knew Amelie.

There was a hint of a smirk on Gabriel’s lips despite the guilt lying heavy in his eyes. "She won’t do anything to hurt Adrien and acting against his brother would be to indirectly do just that.”

“How did Adrien take it all?” Her voice was thankfully back to normal again, though she wouldn’t have minding if her concern for Adrien was evident.

“Much better than I expected, actually” And with an upwards movement with his eyes, Gabriel added “Definitely better than I deserved.”

She considered the repentant man in front of her. “I expected that.”

Oddly, he seemed surprised. “You did?”

She had to nod, “Uhum. I didn’t know how he would react, but yes…I thought he’d come around eventually, especially when he discovered your reason.”

“He knows you’re Mayura too.”

That wasn’t really a surprise. He couldn’t have not had after figuring Gabriel was Hawk Moth and yet it still triggered a brand new wave of resignation as exhaustion weighed her down.
Taking a moment to rebalance herself she inhaled and then expelled the air in her lungs s and said, “Did you tell him, or did he work it out?”

“The later.”

Nathalie didn’t know what to think, “He never mentioned any of this with me, but I guess that makes sense. Does he resent me?”

Gabriel looked down at the floor. “He defended you from me.”

Well, that was a surprise. “Why would he do that?”

He looked down and, “he said I had treated you like…I won’t tell you the exact words, but he made it perfectly clear that he thought I hadn’t treated you well. That you were right to leave me.”

And in the face of Adrien’s impossible kindness Nathalie didn’t know what to say and her mouth hung ungainly open as she searched for words couldn’t close her it.

That was until Gabriel took her hand in his and said, “And he was right. I didn’t treat you right.”

It was too close to what she’d once hoped for, and she took her hand back and felt relaxed posture instantly disappear.  Despite her best effort her whole body went stiff and no doubt any acceptance in her eyes turned into stone whatever sympathy she had for him. 

As if she could make it all go away she repeated. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Nathalie, we need to. It’s past time.” The father of her child said with a sympathy in his eyes that hurt.

“Why?” She asked, because after all, “Why do we need to? It’s been months and you never wanted to do that before. In fact, you…forget it. It doesn’t matter now.”

That did gain her a rather gratifying wince from Gabriel but still he persevered, “Nathalie, we have to”

They might have to. He wasn't wrong about that. But Nathalie wasn't ready for that yet.

“Can you bring me my son now? It’s feeding time.”

Something seemed to sag in Gabriel in front of her eyes. “Nathalie” 

She ignored his begging with the sudden need to, “Can you, please? Bring my son here? Now?”

Gabriel’s jaw remained tense, as were his arms, but his eyes were sad as he conceded “Ok. I’ll bring him to you. But we will have talk about us at some point, even if it’s only for his sake.”

She averted her gaze as she said, “I know. Just not now. Please. I promise we’ll talk.”

---

It was interesting how they’d progressed so much in some areas of their relationship while in others they’d made no progress at all. In fact sometimes, it almost felt like they were regressing, Gabriel thought.

Even though it had  been a week since that conversation, Nathalie still refused to talk about what happened between them. But Gabriel could see that some things were improving. Or at least he thought they were.

At  the beginning of Nathalie’s stay here at in his house he’d felt her defensive and uncomfortable to even exist in the same place that he did.

The first time he had to assist her with breastfeeding, he had noticed her every move had seemed stiff and forced and it was obvious that even though she knew he’d already seen her in much more immodest states of undress for very different reasons, Nathalie was feeling very self-conscious when she had to let him see her like that.

What intrigued him was why he was behaving so shy about her in these situations too. It wasn’t as if they were in any sort of compromising position or as if he was having impure thoughts about her. Still, it was…different. Intimate.

Intimate. It was something a husband would do to his wife, and he didn’t think she considered him even as a friend anymore. He missed that unspoken pact. That complicity that no longer existed.

That first time, ironically, he had felt like a one-night stand that had gone wrong. Like the sperm donor that suddenly had to take care of the mother of his newfound child. Like they’d never had a bond at all. It was obvious that if Nathalie had any other option, she wouldn’t be there. She wouldn’t give in to his presence.

He had felt like Nathalie probably did all those months ago.

But now, as he looked at her lying on her side, with their baby between them still latched on her left breast, while they were both half asleep, he thought how him here half laying on her bed watching her, the mother of his child, in such a vulnerable position, how she may still trust him somehow. How they looked like they were family. And he asked himself if their relationship was still salvageable.

Because the other option was him seeing his son only at the weekends and perhaps even calling “uncle” to another man. It struck him that he didn’t know how to feel about that and not only because of his son. He didn’t know why the thought of another man in Nathalie’s life bothered him so much.

That was when the baby left her breast, and she was completely exposed to him. Sleeping so peacefully, looking like a tired angel. With the utmost care not to wake her, Gabriel repositioned her camisole and pulled the strap back up.

She just half opened her eyes and whispered a raspy “Thank you.”

And that was it. She was asleep again.

He considered if he could just leave the baby right there and sleep there himself.

He woke up with Adrien by the side of the bed, whispering to him in an effort not to wake Nathalie up, that he had a group work for school and if he could go to the girl of the hat’s house to lunch.
All he could answer “Yeah, yeah, you may” with a raspy voice, then he turned on his side and went back to sleep.

---

It was interesting how they’d progressed so much in some areas of their relationship while in others they’d made no progress at all. In fact, sometimes, it almost felt like they were regressing, Gabriel thought. 

Even though it had been a week since that conversation, Nathalie still refused to talk about what happened between them. But Gabriel could see that some things were improving. Or at least he thought they were. 

At the beginning of Nathalie’s stay here in his house, he’d felt her defensive and uncomfortable to even exist in the same place that he did. 

The first time he had to assist her with breastfeeding, he had noticed her every move had seemed stiff and forced and it was obvious that even though she knew he’d already seen her in much more immodest states of undress for very different reasons, Nathalie was feeling very self-conscious when she had to let him see her like that. 

What intrigued him was why he was behaving so shy about her in these situations too. It wasn’t as if they were in any sort of compromising position or as if he was having impure thoughts about her. Still, it was…different. Intimate.

Intimate. It was something a husband would do to his wife, and he didn’t think she considered him even as a friend anymore. He missed that unspoken pact. That complicity that no longer existed. 

That first time, ironically, he had felt like a one-night stand that had gone wrong. Like the sperm donor that suddenly had to take care of the mother of his newfound child. Like they’d never had a bond at all. It was obvious that if Nathalie had any other option, she wouldn’t be there. She wouldn’t give in to his presence.

He had felt like Nathalie probably did all those months ago. 

But now, as he looked at her lying on her side, with their baby between them still latched on her left breast, while they were both half asleep, he thought how him here half laying on her bed watching her, the mother of his child, in such a vulnerable position, how she may still trust him somehow. How they looked like they were family. And he asked himself if their relationship was still salvageable.

Because the other option was him seeing his son only at the weekends and perhaps even calling “uncle” to another man. It struck him that he didn’t know how to feel about that and not only because of his son. He didn’t know why the thought of another man in Nathalie’s life bothered him so much.

That was when the baby left her breast, and she was completely exposed to him. Sleeping so peacefully, looking like a tired angel. With the utmost care not to wake her, Gabriel repositioned her camisole and pulled the strap back up.

She just half-opened her eyes and whispered a raspy “Thank you.” 

And that was it. She was asleep again. 

He considered if he could just leave the baby right there and sleep there himself.

He woke up with Adrien by the side of the bed, whispering to him in an effort not to wake Nathalie up, that he had a group work for school and if he could go to the girl of the hat’s house to lunch.
All he could answer “Yeah, yeah.” with a raspy voice, then he turned on his side and went back to sleep.

---

It was over a month when Nathalie entered his atelier for the first time since her return. He thought how different it felt from old times because since she wasn’t wearing heels there was no bump sounds announcing her arrival and when he looked up from his screen and saw her wearing a lavender dress with buttons on the front. 

He gave her a small smile and greeted her “It’s good to see you up and about again.”

She smiled too, and he immediately thought this was a good sign.

“It is good.” She agreed. “I’m starting to feel like myself again. That’s why I wanted to talk to you.”

“What about?” he smiled back at her.

He heard a change in the tone of her voice, from that soft one he was just starting to enjoy to the more serious one he was so used to hearing these days. “I’d prefer to have this talk sitting if you don’t mind.” 

He nodded and moved to sit on the sofa, but the seriousness in her voice made him instantly alert. Now, he thought maybe he had read her wrong and that Nathalie’s smiles were not to be interpreted always as good signs, after all.

“So, it’s no secret I moved to Toulouse to prevent you from finding out about our son.” It was the first time she referred to Raphael as being theirs and he noticed how she said that took a conscious effort of her part. “But now…well, it makes no sense to deprive you and Adrien of seeing Raphael, especially since it’s obvious how you are both so attached to him. And how it wouldn’t be fair to him not to be allowed to see his father when you’re making so obvious that you want to be part of his life.” 

She made a pause just like when people do when they have to think about the best way to deliver bad news.

“So, I already have a few job interviews for companies here in Paris and begun to look for apartments nearby. I found one only three blocks from here. The owner is one of your clients and he will send someone with the contract as soon as I move in.”

He was speechless. He should have expected that. He did expect that, but still, it did nothing to assuage the blow. 

“I thought…I thought you might want to stay here.” He'd known they were not seeing eye to eye yet but, somehow, he still hoped.

At that, she looked like he had grown a second head and got hit on both, because “Why would you think that?” As if it was the most obvious thing in the world that the mother of his child would want to live away from him. But of course, he knew that was not exactly what she meant, even if it was not so far away from the truth. Nathalie was a very practical woman, after all.

“I mean…well…it’s obvious I would think you would at least consider living here as an option.” And by the way her brows went up, he knew she thought he was being absurd, so he explained himself, "You wouldn’t need to rent an apartment or even work, Nathalie. You wouldn’t need money. I am here for that I can provide for you and our baby.”

"I don't want your money, Gabriel. I never did. I am completely capable of raising Raphael without it." She said in an aggravated manner "And have you ever considered how bad this would look for me?”

“I have, and we can work around it.” It was a lie, he hadn't.

“No, I don’t want to. You’re a man. A famous and wealthy one at that.  While public opinion would be lenient with you it would be brutal with me and our son and it would make it more difficult for me to get a job. So, no.”

“You could go back to work for me.”

“Gabriel, you just don’t get it, don’t you? Why are you making this so difficult?” Everything in her screamed that she was losing her patience, but he didn't want to let them go.

But he refused to make it easy for her to leave him this time, so “No, I don’t get it. We have the space, you already live here, and you could have your old job back." Giving her something he thought probable that she would agree to.

"So, nothing would have changed, Gabriel. Don't you get it? I'd still be your live-in assistant." She still said that in an aggrieved way, but then he saw all the hurt she felt through her eyes and her posture turn to a very tired one as she continued, "I want to build a life outside your circle of influence, Gabriel. Somewhere where you don’t reach. I can't do it living in your shadow."

He was crushed by her last statement. "It's not my shadow, Nathalie! I am trying to do things right here!”

He could see her getting exasperated again. "Right for whom? You’re still the same selfish man from ten months ago. You’re only thinking of how you could make your life easier. And how do you think I’ll feel when the press gets wind and interprets that as a confirmation that I’ve been your mistress all along and now was finally able to catch you with the oldest scheme on the book. Have you thought about how this would impact Raphael’s life when he gets older? What would that mean for me if I wanted to start seeing someone again?” Without warning, that tiredness and sadness came back to her giving her voice and eyes an impossible tenderness as she spoke “Or for you, Gabriel. You might not be ready now, but eventually, you will want to find love again.”

The only thing he was able to articulate was, "You want to start seeing men?" because he felt she had just punched him in the stomach.

"Not like this, no!" She said, defending herself. "But one day, who knows? I want a family of my own, Gabriel. I want a place that's mine by right, not convenience."

As sad as it was, even he couldn’t deny that she had a point. Or maybe he could but wouldn’t. Because Nathalie didn't feel like a convenience to him. And yes, when he looked back and could see he had not treated her right at any point of their relationship, and even if he knew she deserved happiness with someone that valued and loved her, he still found the idea of her being with someone else abhorrent. 

But he could also see why the idea of them together would also seem abhorrent to her. She would never want a man like him again in her life. She was a completely different woman from that one that left the Agreste house a year ago. She was cured of him.

And he didn’t know how to feel about that. She’s been his only support after he lost Emilie. She’d been his everything and he hadn’t seen it. He hadn’t seen her. He’d hurt her one too many times in too many ways.

They looked at each other sadly. He was tired. They both were. "You could at least take your job back. You'd work from here and it would allow me and Adrien to see baby regularly and you wouldn't need to worry about daycare. We could hire a nanny…”

He was interrupted by her saying “I accept.”

“I’m glad.” He releases a deep breath. “I didn’t think you would.”

“Are you retreating your proposition?” She suddenly looked insecure as she’s never seen her before. 

“No, no. But it’s obvious that you’re trying to put as much distance from me as you can.” He said looking down.

"I’m not…you’re right that’s precisely what I was doing. What I should be doing for my own sake, but there is Raphael to consider now and you’re his father and you want to be in his life. I would never deny him that. So, you’re right. It would be convenient."

There was a long uncomfortable silence and when it seemed they were not going to say anything else she started to the door, leaving him to work in peace, as she knew he liked.

He wasn't satisfied with their agreement, but he would take what he could get. However, it didn’t escape him that he was only indirectly considered as a cause for her to accept the job. How he was not her primary cause for anything anymore apart from moving away.