When the Arab mafia princess finds out her dad wants to get married after her mom died the year before she isn't having it she packs and leaves but only if she knew there would be more then one mafia trying to find her
She's a baddie with a double...
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Me and the guys are all In art class right now. Math was just them talking and me on my phone the whole time. English and physics was just them yelling at people to stop looking at me as if I need them to say anything, I got myself. History was fine I was just on a call meeting.
" today we will be doing something a little different." Says ms. Rose the art teacher as she speaks with the class.
" we are going to make a real self portrait of how we feel and how we think." She says as she makes sure everyone is listening
" the best one will be used on the school's newspaper!" She says as she takes a seat on her rolling chair.
" okay everyone do your portraits and the stuff are already on your tables." As she is done talking I get my stuff and put some music on my phone that i got my assistant to buy me and leave it at the office. As I put my AirPods on to block everyone out.
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* listen to song*
As I'm painting not knowing what I'm even going for, my hands feel like there moving by themselves.
Why did she have to leave I wanted to be by her. I want to open up to you mom I want to tell her wants going on what and how I feel.
I want to leave this place people call a life I want to leave I want to be gone everyone always has there opinions on everything.
I know I say I don't care but deep down we all do I want to be gone mom. It hurts that you left without me. It hurts how he's moving on.
It hurts how I can never keep anyone close because I somehow push them away. It hurts that I saw you vanish from the face of earth right in front of me and I didn't do anything.
I tried mom I tried to end it, So many times just to be by your side, The last time I tried was last month, I was cutting and cutting and taking pills so many I lost count at 6, I closed my eyes and welcomed the darken.
I woke up though I was on the floor blood everywhere all over the bed the floors the bathroom everywhere, No one found me I was on that floor for 2 days.
I don't know how I didn't die but I want to, I really really want to so bad that it's getting worse every single fucking day.
No matter how much I try to put a fake smile and a fake laugh, I still can't manage to be happy I look at myself in the mirror and think be happy, But I guess that's not how it works.
I put a fake smile on that I sometimes forget my real one, I want to be gone mom I hate that you left without me I hate you for that.
But I can't help but feel like it's my fault! Mom please come take me now before I just take my life away, It's not a bad thing no one would even care, I need help but I can't say anything it's as if I'm stuck in a bottle and there's no way out.
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I yell, I cry, I beg, I die inside slowly but no one sees, Im losing myself, I feel dead, Numb even.
My thinking is cut off by the teacher and the guys and some other people in the class that are just looking at my portrait shocked.
" w-wow" was all I heard from them as I look at my art. I only can paint or draw if I'm going through a hard time it's all I can do or I cut.
It feels good to cut, It makes me feel happy, But after it makes you feel weak, pathetic even, That's what I feel at least.
I get my mind out of those thoughts I need to stop, But I can't! But I have to, But I can't!
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••• AUTHORS NOTES:
If anyone is going though a hard time just know you are worth more then you think. you are worth being here and always look at the good in things I know it's hard sometimes but you can do it 💕
