Superfuckinawesome Adventures of Mary & Molly

Januppla 1, 3k7

My Alarm went off loudly. I reached out my arm to shut it off but i couldnt find it. Annoyed i got up tangled in my covers and i face planted. Like straight the fuck up, i face planted. " Fucking hell. " I moaned, "What an amazing was to wake up this new year." after i untangled myself from my mess. I looked into the mirror trying to tame my hair. Literally!! My hair is fucking alove bet your goats balls. I sprayed my super duper shit face awsome Calming Hair spray. It helps your hair chill the fuck out. I appiled my make up and what not. After taming my hair i was finally able to get out of my home, my home is a mess. Like The definiton of a mess. I hoped on my Rainbow unicorn zoomed though the sparkly sky, over to the Zaplitous forest where my friend Molly lives. She lives in a fucking tree house. I must say i am jelly of her home but the home up there if ya mean. Molly is a dumb ass pretty much, But goddamn just ask her how to escape a dungon and she's the smarted fucking person in the whole salivitorian galaxy! 
                 " Mary! I missed you ! " Molly shrieked as soon as i got off my unicorn. " You got food?" I asked ignoring her pervious statement. Like bitch the fuck i saw you yesterday. " We have a problem! The little upplian i was babysitting is gone! " My pizza fell the ground, this bitch. Panic arose in my purple body. " You better fucking not be joking around you little peice of shit can of spam." I said no longer carring for my fallen pizza, well maybe a little. " I'm being serious mary." molly replied. And in that moment i knew i fucked up big time. " We need to find him Molly."