We dont get to choose who we love

Chapter 12

He cant actually care, can he? Theres no way hes just perverted he couldnt actually care, about anything. Or anyone. He dosent like you, get that in your head y/n.

"Y/n you okay?" Pat asks me.
"Yea just thinking." I look up and smile at him.
"Bout what?" Hes says while opening the backseat door.
"Dosent matter Pat." I say while climbing in.
"Cmon babe open up" he says following in after me.
"If I do that means you have to aswell." I raise my eyebrows at him assuming he wouldn't talk. He puts his arm around me and says.
"Ok that's fine, just grab that blanket there will you?" He says as I lean forward to grab it.

"So what's up?" Pat asks while putting his arm around me.
"Do you like me?" I ask him
" Well yea your cool y/n/n" he dosent understand what I mean.
"I mean do you like, like me like me." I ask once again.
"Uhh well, I'm not so sure. I flirt with lots of girls. But you seem special, like real." He tells me.
What does he mean by real? Is not everyone real? I might aswell just ask him. "What do you mean by 'real' ". I ask him.
"Not many people are real, but you you're just are real your not scared of living, you seem to be free." Not scared of living? Seem to be free? What the fuck is this boy on about.
"Well who else is real then Pat?" I ask him.
"Uhh Me ofcourse, vic, most animals, my mom and av- it dosent matter." Who's name was he about to say?
"Pat who was that last person?" I ask.
"I dont really wanna talk about it" he says tearing up.
"That's fine pat just tell me when your ready." I hug him tightly. I never really thought of him to be the crying type.

"Well Kitten I think I've opened up enough it's your turn now?" The moment I've always dreaded, I dont like opening up ever.
"Do I have to?" I complain
"Yes cmon darling, it cant be too bad can it?" Well it can Pat.
"Uhh I dont really know what to say, my family is quite normal."
"How is your family normal you're a Bowers"
"Its only Butch that's an actual dick of a Bowers. Then Hen just got an messed up life. Then theres me." What else was I supposed to fucking say, you cant really just pour out a whole life story can you?
"Then theres you? I though you were a normal Bowers. Not a fucked up psycho one" Pat questions.
"Well, it's odd. I'm usually a socially anxious person. It's probably why I didnt have any friends back in England. Its friends and people I like that calm me down usually. And when my best friend moved in year 5 (4th grade) I didnt have anyone. She was great though. She always made me feel better. Her dad wasnt the best, I'm pretty sure he abused her. I was never aloud round which concerned me alot. She had long ginger hair and greenish blue eyes. But her moving meant I didnt know how she was doing. My mom didnt want me to have contact with her because of her dad.Which made me more anxious." I wonder why, why she moved. Why do I have to get anxious around people. Why can't I speak up for myself. I could've helped her.

"I do really wish I tried harder to help, why am I such a fucking pussy?" No but  really what is wrong with me?
"Babe none of what happened to her is your fault what so ever. Its not your fault your fault your anxious and it never will be."

I appreciate Pats reasurence, I do but I still feel guilty. I wonder if I'll ever see my bestfriend ever again.

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Ffs I am such a shit writer, I am genuinely sorry that I carry on taking so long to write. I'm not gonna be able to stick to this book so don't expect too much. I will try but yea this is a struggle. Anyway thank you sm for reading<3