LIMERENCE

Chapter 2

Vera

I woke up the next morning, without a headache thank God for that because I don't think id be able to survive another day with one.

I switched my bathroom light open and strip to get in the shower, I choose not the wash my hair for two reasons. one It's only been 4 days since the last time, and two I don't think my arms have the genuine strength to deal with it so just my body today.

I lather myself in body wash, shave exfoliate, and end up sitting on the ground with the water hitting my back for a while, I know once I leave it'll take a lot to get back in the next day so I savor the final moments before I get out.

I stare at my bare reflection, I'm so out of my head most of the time I can't even remember how fast I grew up. I open the cabinet to get my body lotion and from the corner of my eye I see Tylenol, my heart constricted, my lips go pale and dry in memory of how those were used. I tore my eyes away not allowing myself to excuse my thoughts and needs.

My hands start shaking, this needs to stop, I'm so tired, I think about giving in but my lack of self- Control will catch me in a different moment of life, so I need to take control of my life back.

I slide down against my bathroom door, in an attempt to calm my mind, my throat feels like it's closing out on me, it burns as my cries collect at the back of my throat. A sob breaks through me and I can't stop crying. My voice cracks as I hold the back of my hand against my mouth to muffle my cries but it only makes it worse. My body shakes in pain, the collections of un answered questions and concerns are all poured out as I mourn the loss of my inner child, I was more of an adult at 12 then I am now. I can't believe this is how I turned out, even I can say I had so much more potential than I do right now.

I need to stop, I really do, it's been 8 fucking years no one still cries over something so long ago.

But the thought still lingers, I can't relapse today not when I'm alone because I know once I start I'll keep going till I'm physically ill.

God it's so hard to break through habits, it like it's a part of me and I don't see the point in trying to stop. I wish I could've don't drug for the fun of it, not because I needed it, but because I choose to. Right now I don't feel like I have a choice, I know I do everyone tells me the same fucking shit, but I don't feel Like I have a choice in this. 

Lack of self-control will always kill you in the end, it doesn't have to be, because of drugs, it can be for school, friends, moral standards anything that is in your control. If you can't stop on your own call, your fucked.

and that's where I'm at now, I can stop, not on my call not on the 90 different therapists I went to. Nothing works, so I'm stuck to feel that this is my fate, this is what I was meant to be, a learning lesson of what road not to go down. Even though I don't remember picking my life, or my purpose, it was picked for me and I am okay with that, I know that either way I wouldn't have known what to do with my life  

But either way never let anything out of your control;

I take a deep breath and push myself up, I grab the lotion and take my time to lather my body in lotion from head to toe, brushing my teeth, slicking my hair back for the fifth time this week, putting on a clean pair of sweatpants and a sweater. I went straight to the kitchen to make a cup of green tea and figure out what to eat for breakfast.

Eventually, I just chose to get something from a cafe, I'm dreading going out right now, but it's Sunday meaning it's my last day before I have to start scanning people's brains for 12 hours straight, and I'm not sure staying here is a good thing.

I need to make the most out of my day, so I grab my keys, slip my dirty converse on and get out before I change my mind.

Taking the elevator down the main floor I get out and start walking to the nearest cafe, It's not hard finding one in the city since there are both small businesses and bigger brands in every corner, I get into Cafe Deluxe which by the way is the most basic cafe name ever, right of the bat it smells amazing, the interior design is amazing and feels as if I'm in the 90s.

"Hi welcome to cafe deluxe how many for a table" I turn to the sound

"Hi, for one please" I reply

"Great, follow me"

she seats me by the window...great.

"A waiter will be with you shortly" I nodded.

A few minutes go by till I see a guy walk up to me

"What can I get for you"

"Not gonna ask how I'm doing this morning" I question obviously joking but he didn't seem to get it

"It's 9 in the morning, what the fuck do you want to eat"

I stare at him with wide eyes trying to gather my thoughts, 

"Can I get Bulgarian waffles with extra fruit and cream please"

"Is that all?"

"And a hot chocolate too"

"Alright ill get your drink shortly" and he walks off

what the fuck just happened, I pull out my phone

Olive: Hey! Have fun in Seattle text me when you get there, Love you!

Seattle? my eyes widen at the realization. no no no no, it can't be today, I start aggressively scanning messages with aunt Liz.

Lizz: Can't wait to see you!! (Read Thursday 2:30 am)

How fucking convenient

I get up and rush to the receptionist

"Hi I really need to go can you tell the waiter guy to put everything for to go" I ramble

" uh yes, sure give me a second" she rushes to the back, while I'm waiting I call an uber straight to my apartment, I shuffle through my bag and put a twenty-dollar bill on the counter

"Here" I look up and grab the food with a quick thank you and rush out the door to find my uber

When I find it, I get in, and  I start eating, I have clothes back home so I don't really need to pack for much and I can buy any essentials over there so I was good in that department. I need my passport though so I need to get home.

Once we reach there, I tip him and get out without another word.

At this point I'm running to the elevator, just as I make it, it closes. I start thinking about what I'm going to pack, what I need, and where my passport is.

When it opens, I run to my door, unlock it and go straight to my room.

I grabbed a bag from under my bed and start shoving different pants and shirts. I have a travel back with all the essentials so I put that in as well.

I grabbed my passport and went back into the elevator, calling an Uber as I'm waiting.

As soon as I see the car, I get and am on a 2 hour drive to the airport.

When I get dropped off I rush in and start waiting in line

By the end of the 1 hour long process, I'm in 38D and have the whole row to myself which is an absolute dream.

God I'm such fucking mess

6 hours and 18 minutes to go, I put my headphones in and sleep the whole way because at this point I'm over the day before it even started.

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Very short chapter, I'm aware just wanted to put something out since it's been a while

Also did this in class so it's not the best, sorry

  - V.S <3