Tear Away

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

All Scarlett had ever wanted was to be happy. It's what she wished for when she saw a shooting star, and the first thing she'd always thought of when she blew her birthday candles out on her cake. But, right at this moment, she was so far away from being happy that even thinking about it broke her heart. She was broken, alone and empty. She hadn't eaten for two days and hadn't left the house for twice as long. Getting dressed wasn't going to happen but even she began to notice the smell when she realised it had been a while since her last shower.

She placed her ear against her bedroom door and clutched her towel to her body as a protective shield. She listened for her housemates, silence, so she slowly pulled the door open an inch and peered around it. She didn't like her housemates and so didn't want to bump into them. She hadn't seen them for weeks and that was how she liked it.

She lived in a shared house with four students who's main aim in life was to sleep with as many people as possible and she had no desire to become another notch on the bed post, she wasn't allowed.

Seeing the bathroom door ajar across the landing she made a dive for it and slammed the door shut. She let out a breath she didn't realise she had been holding and locked the door. She froze, leaning against the door, hoping that there was no one else in the house. She slowly walked across the bathroom, flinching at the cold of the old, dirty tiles against her feet. She turned the taps on full and waved her hands under the shower head as the water slowly heat up. She began to take her night gown off, and as it fell to the floor she stood on it so she wouldn't have to stand on the floor. Standing naked in the middle of the room she felt vulnerable and alone. She wrapped her and around her bruised torso and climbed into the tub.

Stood in the shower she was revitalised by the hot water washing over her dirty skin. She let it fall onto her face and for the first time since he had left her alone in the street in the middle of the night she let her tears fall. She was unaware of how long she had been stood under the water, her tears had dried up a while ago and her shoulders no longer shook. She became aware that the sun was no longer shining through the frosted glass in the window. Slowly she turned the tap off and pulled her long brown hair away from her face, she braced herself for the cold and pulled back the shower curtain. Quickly she pulled her towel from the radiator, and wrapped it around her wet body. The feel of the warm fabric against her wet skin reminded her of being a child and her mum wrapping her up in a huge towel. She closed her eyes and stood in silence until the towel had lost its heat. Opening her eyes she moved until she was in front of the mirror and she began combing her wet long hair, it fell over her shoulders and dripped cold drops down her back. Her reflection looked back at her and seemed to speak to her.

"How could you?" it was asking. "How could you do that?... how could you let him?" she saw the purple stains under her skin and flinched.

She had no answer, she didn't want to answer, and she didn't want to hear. She needed to change the face looking back at her; she couldn't bear to look at herself. Opening the bathroom cabinet Scarlett saw the scissors she was looking for. Without a second thought she cut her hair, she grabbed the wet hair above her shoulders and chopped. She pulled the cut hair away and let it fall to the ground. She cut again and again until her long hair was in pieces on the floor. She felt better. It wasn't a perfect cut, and it wasn't a complete change but it was better. It was different. She took delight in dropping the hair into the bin before placing the scissors back into the cupboard and re-tying her towel. He would now, never be able to grab hold of her hair again.

Safely back in her room she opened her laptop. A change of hair wasn't all she needed, she needed to change her life. That meant new job, well, any job would do, it meant new home, it meant new friends. If truth be told, it meant friends full stop. Scarlett, missed her old friends but they were a part of her past, seeing them again would bring them into her present and that she couldn't cope with. She stated by opening up her email provider, and sending an email to her landlord.

Dear Tony,

Please take this as notice of my departure from your property, 15 Duke Road. 30 days from today I will be moving out.

Thank you

Scarlett

It was short and sweet but did the job. She hit send. Today was turning out to be a good day, her first good day in months. And she was doing it all on her own. Pulling her towel from around her she began rubbing her wet hair so she could blow dry it. Catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror she was suddenly overwhelmed by what she had done, a few tears escaped before she had chance to stop them and before she knew what was happening she heard her ex's voice in her head again.

"Look at you, you're a mess. Now who's going to want you? Not me that's for sure. You're nothing!" she remembered her whispered plea for him to stop, and the longing she felt "love you? ha that's a joke. No one would ever love you, look at you in the gutter." She felt her ribs hurt, a reminder of the kick he'd thrown in her direction.

But he was right, she wasn't good enough to be loved, she wasn't good enough to be treated as a princess. She collapsed onto her bed, curled into a ball and cried herself to sleep.

......................................................................................................................................................

Scarlett woke a few hours later to her mobile phone ringing. Stretching her arm to the shelf above her bed she found the source of the noise, she saw that it was her mum ringing again. She ignored it, turned over and went back to sleep.

......................................................................................................................................................

It was another few hours before Scarlett had the strength to pull herself together enough to plug her dead mobile phone in. It instantly sprang to life as text messages from her mum filled up her inbox. It looked like she had 12 text messages and 5 voicemail messages. Unable to listen to her mothers voice she read the texts, it was as she expected, multiple messages asking how she was, one reminding her it was her uncle's birthday in two days and one sending her a photo of the family cat. Nothing exciting. She typed in a quick reply, "sorry missed your call, been busy, love you, thanx for the pic of Socks xx" that should keep her happy for a few days.

As she was exiting the messages on her phone Scarlett saw his name. The last message she received from him was now almost two weeks ago. She couldn't remember ever going so long without hearing from him, just thinking about him made it difficult for her to breathe. She missed him terribly and didn't know what to do about it. A tear escaped as she sat staring at her phone, willing it to ring. Long after the screen saver had locked her phone, she drop it sadly back to the bed.

Scarlett reached over the side of her single bed and pulled on her sweat pants, grabbed a t-shirt and went to her bedroom door. This was the first time in days that Scarlett had planned to go downstairs. She waited for a moment for her head to clear before pressing her ear to the door, the house sounded quiet. She had no idea what time it was and was beginning to loose track of the days. Slowly edging the door open she saw there wasn't a light on anywhere, it must be late she thought to herself, as if to confirm this she glanced at the clock on the shelf above her bed. Yes, it was late, or early, depending on your view point. Slowly creeping down the stairs she felt her way into the kitchen, not wanting to turn on the light in case it woke anyone up. She opened up her cupboard and pulled down a glass. She froze, holding the glass in her hand she remembered that last time she had filled that glass with water. Without thinking, she walked to the bin, and threw it away. She didn't want to keep anything that would remind her of her ex, could he really be her ex if they'd never really been boyfriend and girlfriend? If she was to get through this she needed a complete break. Feeling energised, she quickly filled another glass with water and drank it dry, re-filling she drank the second glass, more slowly this time. Her stomach gurgled as she stood in the kitchen so she walked to the fridge, she had to blink as the bright light hurt her eyes, slowly reopening the door she peered into the fridge, and at her empty shelf, humf, she was sure there had been some cheese there. Perhaps it had grown a furry blanked and one of her housemates had thrown it away. Either that or they had eaten it themselves. Dropping her shoulders she closed the door. In her cupboard she didn't have much more luck. There was a few stock cubes, a bottle of cooking oil and a box of crackers. She reached for the crackers and walked back up stairs to her room.

Settling down in front of her laptop she set out to find a new home, in a new town. Once she was there, then she would look for a job.