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"I'm okay," I said blankly to my therapist.
She insists that I'm not okay, which I'm not. I never will be.
I went through a traumatic experience that I don't think I'll ever recover from.
I've been coming to therapy every 2 weeks for 6 months. I've only been doing it that long because I haven't made any progress.
It's mandatory that I come. This shit is not working though.
I'm here because of a situation that happened with my ex-boyfriend. He mentally and physically abused me for years.
It just got really bad one day. He came home mad as hell and he needed something to take his anger out on. Like always, I was that something.
I was also 7 months pregnant. He hurt me so bad that I lost the baby. The baby that he wanted.
I tried to leave multiple times, but it was almost like he made it impossible. I was dumb, very dumb. He convinced me that he wouldn't do it again each time.
He also threatened me each time I tried to leave. He would always say that he would find me and kill me if I didn't go back. So, like a fool, I went back.
I don't even know if I ever want another man to touch me. I went through so much. I think about how some women went though and are going through the same thing. I just wish I could help them all.
"What you thinking about?" My therapist knocked me out of my thoughts.
"Nothing."
She sighed and said, "Kanai, you have to talk to me. I am here for you. I know what you went through."
"Have you ever experienced something like that? Do you know what that shit feel like?"
I wasn't trying to be rude, it just kinda slipped out.
"No, I haven't."
"So, I don't think you know what I went through then."
"Can you talk to me so I do know? I'm trying to help you, Babygirl."
I didn't say anything else.
I really just don't feel comfortable talking to a stranger about this. I need someone to relate to, someone who's actually felt my pain.
