Tell me a lie

Chapter 1

Yelena, 16 years old

"Tell me why you hate him so much."

Hate is a strong word and should therefore not be used lightly, and I'm not the type of person to hate anyone. I like to think of myself as an understanding and ethical person. I try to hate as little as possible...

But Elizabeth's right, I do hate him. Actually I've had all reasons to hate him since 2nd grade. When he called me fat in front of my crush. I remember it like it was yesterday. I had just started grade 2, and this was the time us girls started developing crushes, and the one crush everyone in class had incommun was Ryle.

I guess I likes Ryle just because the one time he gave me his cupcake that his mother had a packet for him. I never really bothered talking to him since I was scared my brother knew him. I used to have that problem because we'd always gone to the same school but Yovani just started college, so it looks like I won't have to worry about that anymore. If he hadn't left for college, I would probably have killed myself. For some strange reason it feels weird to start something with a guy that knows your brother. It instantly becomes a turn off. Thoughts like "What if he tells him that we kissed" or "Is he gonna hang out with my brother after this?".

My brother has never been the fighting type but I'd guess that if he found out about a boy hurting me, he would've caused more damage now that he's 19. Yovani has probably gotten stronger with age and via his Instagram stories, he goes to the gym. He loves to flaunt for his so called "fans". I'd bet a 100 bucks that he loves the attention he gets from the sorority girls in college. Typical Yovani, attention whore since 1998'.

My brother, Yovani (the attention whore) is three years older than me and just like any other brother in this world, he's very much overprotective when it comes to me. It's always been Yovani and Yelena (and Nikolai). He loves cooking, because mom taught him how to and that was their way of spending time with each other. Yovani always tries to be the bigger person in any given situation, while me... not so much. I love a challenge and most of the time I'm the one challenging. Yovani has always had a special bond with my parents, especially my mother. But that's something I'll get into later on.

Although he could be the most annoying big brother, I still find myself missing his all nighters where he would spend the entire night, talking to his friends while playing some online game. It would piss me off, but now the house has gotten quieter without it and lonelier. I miss the times that he'd have Nicolai over because that meant that he'd 100% spend his time with me instead.

Though I shouldn't have worried so much about Yovani when his best friend, Nicolai was in the picture and was since I was five. It turned out that Nicolai was more evangefull, ruthless and protective (in his own way) when it came to me than Yovani.

It's all Nicolai's fault that I am the way I am. When I was seven and he was nine, Nick called me fat in front of Ryle and Ryle never looked in my direction after that. No boy spoke to me for a while. But Nicolai has also called me beautiful, especially a little after.

It wasn't until puberty finally hit me and the extra fat that was placed around a normal child's body started going to all the right places.

The once completely ruined confidence slowly but surely started coming back. I haven't been called fat, ugly or any insult for that matter since I was 13. It's been 3 years or 1095 days to be exakt.

Although I've had many things I've hated myself for in the past, if not it was being ugly, or not skinny enough, too tall, not tall enough or simply not being enough, I no longer have that issue. The second I turned fifteen, my breast started to grow and my curves started to show. I've had no issue catching the attention of the opposite gender. Boys started to give me compliments, some even asking me to go on dates.

Still I haven't gone on any dates, and that's one thing I hate myself for. I've had boys interested, and they haven't been bad looking either. So some might ask, Yelena why is it that you haven't been on your first date then? And the answer to that question disappoints me every day, the same one I've had since I was five. All because of Nicolai.

I've had this stupid, stupid, stupid freaking crush on him and the worst part is that I don't know why. He's ruined so many things while he's also been there for me.

Like the time when I was nine and was locked inside my room while my father and Yovani were fighting. Nicolai was there to hug me while I cried. I remember crying because it was my fault that Yovanni was getting yelled by our father. Though my father would never yell at me.

I'd made him mad with my words, like I always manage to do and my brother was out there facing the consequences of my actions because he decided it was a good idea to step in. Sometimes I hated my brother for being so noble.

Nonetheless I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy spending time with Nicolai while he waited for Yovani to come back. Those little moments are what made me develop those feelings for him, and that made me hate him and myself.

He's 19 and I'm 16... Oh and let's not forget about the part which he plays to be my brother's absolute best friend. And don't forget the part where he chooses to disappear into thin air after my 16th birthday, 3 months ago. How convenient isn't it to fall in love with your older brother's best friend, who has also turned to a complete Ghost.

Yovani and Nicolai used to be inseparable and they were for 12 years. The two were practically more siblings than him and me (you know his actual biological sister). And now he left my brother and that made me even angrier at him.

"I just do."

It's not the entire truth. I do because it's easier. Easier than having to face my feelings and acknowledge what they are. So that's why I do, but that I can't tell her.

"It's a shame because he's hot. Like super duper hot"
Elizabeth twirls the gum in her mouth with her finger. She's looking up, trying to find images of him inside her brain. When she finally remembers, a light tint appears on her cheeks.

"You're annoying me, Elizabeth." I take the pillow on her bed and throw it at her. She catches and takes the photo frame that I took in February, at my birthday party.

"I mean c'mon! Do you see the same man that I'm seeing or are you blind?"

She turns the photo for me to look at. I can't believe it's already been 3 months since he left me. I remember it like it was yesterday.We made out shortly after that photo was taken. The images of me lifting his shirt up, tracing my finger through his abs and tattoos, hit me like a truck. It made me sick to my stomach.

I have every right to hate him. I let him take my first kiss and he ran away after that. I shut my eyes, not wanting to see the photo of us three anymore.

"It's a shame he's gone though. I bet he'll only get hotter with age." I wish I could punch my best friend and it takes everything in me, not to. The next words leave my mouth, not giving me a chance to think it through.

"No it's not. He chose to vanish. Leave my brother without a goodbye."

Leaving me without a notice, a goodbye or anything.

"Let's stop talking about him, it's making me sick."

Elizabeth puts the photo of us back into my desk and her mouth as well. I'm happy she's no longer staring at him, with her hungry eyes.

She's not allowed to look at the big, hulky, strong, sculpted and beautiful Nicolai that I used to know. At least not like that.

I go back to doing my homework until she unlocks her phone and yells. "Guess who sliden in my dm's."
Her eyes sparkled again. I breathe out. As long as she talks about other boys than him, I won't be in a bad mood.

As she rambles and stalks his posts, I act interested when the reality is I'm not. It's not that I don't like talking about boys but there's someone new everyday for Elizabeth..

Before we returned our focus back to our homework, Elizabeth turned her head to me, looking me in the eyes. She seems thoughtful about what she's about to say.

"Don't you think Nicolai might already be dead?"
I shrugg, before turning the movie on. I later on that night didn't think back to her last question.

Little did I know it would haunt me.