Tell me a lie

Chapter 4

Yelena, 17 years old

Elizabeth and I had done homework all evening and she finally left.

I let out a breath of relief, that I wasn't aware I was holding in. It's not that I dislike her or am trying to come off as rude, because the truth is I love her. She's my closest friend though she can get on my nerves, but friends do that. It's just exhausting to hear her talk about matters she knows nothing of. Especially when she brings up Nicolai or any boi in that matter. She knows I'm still sensitive to the whole situation and still she tries to fix me up with a bunch of guys that I have no interest in.

Each time she brings up Nicolai and how sad it is that a beautiful face like him, passed away. I've come to the conclusion that she finds him very attractive, even in death. Her drool in my bed is proof of that. I don't blame her. Everyone with a pair of eyes could see that, and she's also not aware of our past, so it isn't like she's disrespecting him. Though he would've been mine if we had more time. Elizebeth doesn't know that and It's my fault though, I've never spoken of it, except with Sophia but even with her, I'm very selective with the details.

He's the type of man that could've possibly been everyone's type. If you find men attractive, of course. I count definitely count on Heterosexual girls, bisexual girl and boys and homosexual men to be open to his beauty.

I don't blame anyone though, I too have eyes.

Eyes...his eyes.

His almond eye shape holds the most beautiful blue orbs I've ever seen. I remember them so vividly. They've always held so much passion, love and pain. I also know that they're so many secrets that have eaten him inside, hiding the ugly behind beauty. I could see through them, because each time he would shut his eyes, even for just a second. I could see through his mask. Through the thick thick layers of acting, hiding and shame.

No child should bury so much experience that with each blink, I'd be revealed. And that's not one percent of the 100 percent.

I've had many heartfelt encounters with Nicolai. Where we would have a moment of truth, no lies or secrets.
We'd never speak to each other, or about the truths.

It was something unspoken. Not because we didn't want to speak to each other but because we did have to.
We simply knew, by the way we breath with each other, in complete silence. Both letting out a breath for just a moment, even through the lifetime of suffocation. They're were many times we would spend that time just hearing each other breath, too scared to look each other in the eye. Scared the secrets, or the truth might roll out and never end.

But they're were times, only a few. We could be in my room. He layed on my bed, stealing my favorite spot while I was sitting on a chair at the desk. He would just stare deep into my (according to him) poop colored eyes. I miss hearing the word, poop.

I would've imagined it looking like a battle between a cat and a snake. I would be the snake, and he'd be the cat. Because I always lost, caving in and looking away. I'd look away because I was disappointed.

If sharing an intimate moment, why not talk? Why was he always so hesitant? Was I not worthy enough for the truth, for the sincere version of Adonis.

(There's a moment later in the book where this happens again but this time Adonis caves in, it shows a growth of confidence in Yelena and a feeling of regret/shame in Adonis, maybe when he comes back they talk?)

We would sometimes just walk off, and go to Yovani's room instead. Each time hurt when he walked out my rook, in complete silence. I wish that was my last moment with him before he went. Then maybe I wouldn't have hurt as much. He's always managed to disappear or vanish at times I've needed him the most. I should've gotten used to it.