The Dark Artifices: Lady of Los Angeles

Chapter 31

As long as Emma could remember it had been her who’d comforted Jules. Whenever he went up to the roof to paint she knew it. Even more often she knew how to make him happy again. Yet when his father had died was the first time she didn’t know how to do it. Still she sat by his bed every night because there was a possibility he’d wake up and need her. While she sat there waiting for him to wake up from nightmares she processed her own parents’ death. Somehow in all the chaos that had been her parents had been forgotten. Except for her. She never forgot. Not once when they were in Idris or when they went back. They were always in her mind and even stronger in her heart. Those nights when she were thinking about them she always came to the realization that nobody had stayed with her by night. Nobody had ever followed her to the place to where they were found to help her give her a closure. She never went there by herself either. She never got that closure. Why was this? She knew that way too well. Even though she and Jules were parabatai and supposed to know how the other felt it was always harder for him to know. She thought she didn’t need somebody to help her. Between her and Jules she was the stronger one.

     Then when Jules finally sat there with her trying to comfort her she pushed away all the sadness and sat up straight. She needed to get out of there. How much she would like to stay there and get that comfort she’d longed for for years, she couldn’t stay. It was during those years that she had built a wall and she didn’t mean for it to break down already. Instead she stood up and took a deep breath. Jules looked at her warily. It didn’t give her comfort though, it made her feel weak.

     “I’m gonna go for a walk”, she said quietly but loud enough for both Cristina and Jules to hear her.

     “You want us to come with you?” Cristina asked and furrowed her eyebrows.

     Emma gave both of them a reassuring smile. “No, it’s okay. It’s just a walk.”

     “You sure?”

     They started to get on her nerves. She was about to break and they were asking her if she was absolutely sure she wanted to go for a walk. With her last willpower she gave them another wide grin. “You can’t expect me to not want a bit of fresh air when Jules just dropped a bomb like that. I need to go for a walk.”

     “Okay”, Jules said. “Tell us when you’re back so we can eat lunch.”

     He really thought all she needed was a little space. If he only knew. If space was the solution of her problems she would need the whole space. The literal one. Still in gym clothes she left the room and stopped only to get her seraph blades and put them in her belt, hidden under her shirt. Not that she planned to go out fighting demons, but she was a shadowhunter. Where she went, her seraph blades went with her. Neither Livvy nor Jaime was outside the room. She couldn’t help but feel a little worried about their newfound friendship. Maybe the main reason was the way he’d acted since he’d got there and how Cristina felt about the whole situation but Emma had met him before. Even if those times had been at Christmas holidays and such she felt as if she’d got a clear picture of him. The first time they had met he had been seven and clung by his mother’s leg, Diego clung to the other. Cristina had been there somewhere in the background too. Next time that little mama’s boy had changed entirely. Five years had passed. The Dark War was over and it had changed him more than anybody she had seen. From being the shyest boy he had turned into an angry and violent young man. Whenever there was a fight close by he made sure to get there. One of those fights had been with Jules. Her parabatai hadn’t stood a chance. He ended up with a broken collarbone, sprained ankle and a nosebleed that wouldn’t stop for hours. Jaime got a black eye.

     Lost in her thoughts she hadn’t even noticed she had chosen the road to the beach. With a fear of the sea LA was not the best place to live in. Every time she made her way there she tried to the very end to get to the water. To just feel it against her toes. She missed that feeling as much as she missed not being afraid. When her parents had been with her she wasn’t even afraid to lose them. They weren’t even old. It’s not until you lose the people you love that you realize that was your greatest fear.