Sectumsempra

11

Draco was feeling a little unsure when he left the lake and went to his room. Ironically enough, he was trying to have firm steps so as not to trip and fall in the debris of the Battle. He was unsure because he didn't know whether he had been wise in forgiving Harry so fast. But that's the thing with forgiveness, isn't it, you can't actually control it. Sometimes you want to forgive someone, but just can't because you're still hurting and some other times you know any stable person in your place wouldn't have forgiven, but you do. Because in your heart, the hurt has already been forgotten.

Draco knew he shouldn't forgive and forget so fast. Of course forgiving is a good thing and holding grudges aren't good for you, mentally or emotionally. But still... shouldn't he be a little more pissed at Harry for the things he said?

As Draco was in his room packing his things, he couldn't help replaying in his mind the last conversation Harry and he had had in the third floor corridor.

What am I doing? He thought.

He wasn't trying to hold a grudge against Harry, or anything, of course. The thing was that this situation was scary, because Draco felt vulnerable. As it was turning out, he was so unconditionally and irrevocably in love with Harry and that made him not care too much about himself. That was a scary thing to realize about yourself.

Should I be feeling differently? How should I be feeling?

Draco wondered while packing his clothes.

How am I feeling?

He wasn't sure what was the answer to any of those questions.

Crabbe and Goyle entered the room at that moment – of course they had been one of those that went home in the first opportunities when things started to get ugly the night before, but they had come back to pack their things and take them home. Everyone was doing so, since they left in a hurry with nothing more than what they had on their bodies – talking excitedly about what they'd be doing during summer.

After greeting Draco, Goyle asked, "How 'bout you, Draco? What're you gonna do?"

Draco thought for a moment. "I don't know. I have no idea."

*

Harry went to the Burrow for vacation. It was funny finally being able to go to Ron's house straight from Hogwarts, a thing he asked for years, but that would never be conceded him. Now it had been. Now there weren't any more obstacles, no more dangers of being attacked by Voldemort or one of his cronies the Death Eaters. Hermione was going, too. Mrs. Weasley invited her and she was happy to accept, she'd only first spend a week with her parents, of course, the poor things must have been dying with worry for their daughter.

Harry wished she would be back already with them in the Burrow. He wanted to ask her opinion on whether he should send a letter to Draco. He didn't know why he was so awkward about it, but he didn't know what he should do to make a good impression. Would he be too gluey if he sent Draco a letter? Would he seem too unattached if he didn't? And especially after the talk they had by the lake. Harry went home shortly after that, so they didn't say goodbye properly. Harry didn't know if not saying anything would make it look like what he said by the lake was not for real or if maybe it was okay not to send anything for now and wait some weeks.

As soon as they arrived at the Burrow Harry started writing a letter to Hermione, to ask her opinion on the matter. As he was writing, Ron entered the room. He was eating a doughnut.

"Ron, should I write Draco a letter? We haven't said goodbye before leaving, so I don't know if I should... you know, say something."

Ron shrugged and said with his mouth full, "I don't know."

Half an hour later, Harry was sending the owl to Hermione. The day after, the owl came back with her answer.

Hey, Harry

Yes, you should. You really need to stop being afraid to open up to people, Harry. You're funny, you know? You have the guts to speak your mind to Umbridge, but you don't when it comes to speaking your mind to people you care about.

It's sweet in a way.

Don't be afraid to tell him how you feel.

– Hermione.

*

Before the end of the first week of vacation, Draco received an owl. It was from Harry.

Hey, Draco.

How are you doing?

I just thought of writing because we never got the chance to say goodbye and all, right? We left in a bit of a hurry.

By "we", I mean Ron's family, I'm staying with them.

Well, anyway. How are things for you?

See you.

– Harry.

Draco couldn't deny that he was smiling as he read the note. Or that his heart skipped a beat even before he opened it, just at the sight of from whom it was.

The scary feeling came again.

Draco decided he would try something. He would write back and he would ask Harry to not send any more letters for the rest of the summer. Even as Draco wrote it he felt sad thinking that he wanted Harry to write him, every day if he would. But Draco wanted to – needed to – know if he could live without Harry. It was a test. Draco was testing himself. To see how would he cope with it.

He didn't cut Harry off or anything. He talked a bit of how things were for him at home and said that he hadn't told his father yet, so, because he was afraid his father might see one of the letter and ask questions, it would be better if they didn't communicate just yet, and waited for the classes to come back. And he wasn't lying. He was afraid of his father intercepting one of the letters; Draco would have a lot of explaining to do if that happened. But he pushed those thoughts about his father aside, that was a matter for another time.

Just some months, and then Draco would be back at Hogwarts. He did go back to Hogwarts in his seventh year, but it was pretty late into the term and his father kept calling him back home for meetings and stuff like that and Draco would always stay up to a week of something. So Draco was barely having classes properly, and even when he did, there wasn't really much to learn in classes with teachers being threatened constantly of punishment if they said anything slightly against the regime in the school at the time. So Draco was going back for an eight year, to finish his studies.

And be with Harry.