Sectumsempra

14

That was the best year Harry had ever had at Hogwarts. Every day he would sneak out of his room with his invisibility cloak and sneak into Draco's room and they would sleep cuddling.

"If some years ago someone told me I would be making a little personal heaven out of a dorm room in Slytherin House, I don't even know what I'd say," Harry said one time to Draco as they were lying in bed together, Draco on his back and Harry on top of him with his head on Draco's chest. "I guess I'd just laugh until I couldn't breathe and die."

"Jesus, Harry. Morbid much?" Draco exclaimed, but he was laughing.

"And that's not all, that Draco Malfoy," he raised his head to look at Draco, their noses almost touching, "Draco Malfoy," he repeated, "was the center of this personal heaven.... Really, that'd be too much." He laid his head down again and closed his eyes with a smile on his lips.

Draco's heart beat a bit faster at those words and he hesitated, praying Harry wouldn't notice. How could he not? His ear was pressed against Draco's chest. Harry raised his head again with a puzzled look at Draco. "What's wrong?"

"Personal heaven?" Draco felt his face getting red. "Am I..." he really – really – wished Harry would look away and not see his face, which was getting redder every second, "really all that?" He was sure that if he looked himself in the mirror at that moment all he would see would be a tomato, his face was warm from blushing and a shiver ran through all of his body.

"Oh, Draco," Harry said letting out a laugh of relief that there wasn't serious reason behind Draco's heartbeat. Plus, not only the reason was not something serious, but it was also the most sweet and adorable thing Harry had ever seen. "Draco... do you still have doubts?" Harry couldn't help but grin.

"Not, like, doubts, but... I don't know. I really don't know if I'm all that, you know?"

"You," Harry said and reached to kiss Draco on the right cheek, "are," then reached for the left cheek and kissed there, "all," then a kiss on the forehead, "that," and a kiss on the lips.

I'm just afraid you'll get bored of me and leave me, Draco thought. I can't say that, he told himself right after, as if it had been other person who had had the first thought and now he was making sure that that person wouldn't speak out of turn. It'll ruin the mood. Or maybe I should say it. Maybe I need to practice express those thoughts. No, I can't, what would he think? I shouldn't even be thinking those things. But I can't prevent what I think, can I. It was like an arguing inside his head. Do I have reasons to have that insecurity? Somehow it felt bad to think that he maybe had a reason; saying that he had a reason to be insecure about Harry was like blaming Harry for something, but he didn't want to do that.

It must have been perceptible that the gears inside Draco's mind were spinning, because Harry frowned a little. "What?" Harry asked.

"It's nothing, it's just..." Draco started, now he had to say something. "I– I don't know, it's nothing, really, but, like...." Draco took a deep breath in then let it out. "Harry. I want to be with you... like, for a... very... long time. Like... for the rest of my life..." Then he stopped talking, as if that alone had made everything clear and it was now Harry's turn to speak. Even though it sounded crazy that this would be enough to make Harry understand what he meant, it seemed to work.

Harry sighed and lowered his head, supporting his forehead in Draco's collarbone.

Oh no oh no oh no oh no. He's disappointed. He's gonna say I grasped the wrong idea, that I understood things wrong. That that was not what– Draco's thoughts were interrupted by Harry head raising again.

"And you have doubts of whether I want the same," Harry said. Draco noticed on his intonation that that was not a question, that was a statement. "That I'm just having fun with you. Draco, I–" Harry's word trailed off as he let out a nervous laugh. "That same thought has crossed my mind about you. That you'd get bored of me. Or worse, that I'd be too difficult for you to deal with, that I'd hurt you somehow, I don't know. Draco, I too want to be with you," a sly smile formed on Harry's mouth, "for a very. Long. Time. Like. For the rest. Of my life," Harry said, exaggerating the pauses to mimic Draco's words.

They stayed still for a second or two, just looking at each other, both smiling. Then both reached for a kiss, long and intense.

"I'm sorry that you have that fear," Harry said when they parted. "I know that it must be hard for you to not have it. I mean, I didn't make things very easy, have I?" He laughed guiltily.

"It's fine," Draco said suddenly very soft, as if the conversation was now in a totally different topic. Actually it really was. Draco sensed how sad with regret Harry got when he talked of the past, when Harry wasn't very cool to Draco. Draco also sensed the honesty in Harry when he said he was sorry.

Draco understood it, really. He didn't hold it against Harry. It must have been difficult to admit he had feelings for Draco when Draco was so committed to being a jerk to him and his friends for many years. Draco wasn't any saint either of course.

Draco pushed those thoughts away. It was no good thinking of this now. Or ever. What mattered was that they were fine, and together, with nothing between them. Both figuratively and literally because they were naked.

What they had was so precious. It was really something to make you feel blessed. Their being naked wasn't erotic. They had sex, yes, but many times they would be lying in bed together totally naked without sex even crossing their minds. It wasn't about sex, it was about the intimacy. It was about knowing that there was nothing to hide. Even more than not having anything to hide, it was wanting to show everything. They both had insecurities about their bodies – especially Draco – and they both admired the other's body and thought that that was the most beautiful person in the world. It wasn't the erotic kind of admiration.

Draco heard Harry gasp a little suddenly.

"What's wrong?"

"Do you know what I just thought?" Harry asked. "What thought just crossed my mind? I was thinking about us being together forever. Living together, in the same house. Some place we could really feel at home, you know, decorate it and all. Have a pet. And then I thought that then I'll be amongst things that I love. I love thinking of growing old with you. I love the idea of being with you. Because I love you, Draco. Draco," Harry once again raised his head and looked Draco in those beautiful, gorgeous, perfect gray eyes, "I love you."

"Fuck, you're making me red again," Draco said with a cracked voice. And he really was slightly red. He messed Harry's hair with both his hands, barely seeing it because his eyes were filled with tears. One tear rolled down his cheek. "I– love you, too." His voice cracking, he was crying now. "Merlin, I'm a mess!" He said laughing and crying at the same time.

"Hey," Harry said trying to speak in a soothing voice through the laughter. "Don't say that. Don't say that, hear me?" Harry laid his head and pushed his hands around Draco's body to hold him in a tight hug.

The scary feeling peeked around the corner, almost threatening to show up fully. But it was different now, the scary feeling seemed to only make the love more intense. "How can I love you so much that it feels like I'm might just explode?" Draco said.

"I don't know, Draco, I don't know. Let's just hold each other real close so we can keep each other in one piece."

And so they did.