"Ace of Hearts"

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What should I do now?

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What should I do now?

Had it been any other day, I would have left Ace and went ahead but now? No. That wasn't an option. I needed him. I needed him to be with me when I pour my heart tonight. Yes, I you heard it right. I planning to tell him everything. From what happened that day in Virginia to what happened when I kidnapped. And it's not because I want to tell him how twisted I am, it is because I want him to know that past haunts everyone. But being frightened from it and not moving on is the worst thing anyone could do. The bravest thing to do is to accept it and live on. And the other reason for telling him everything is that I want to be open to him. I want to clear everything and then start a new relationship. Tonight is going be the last day when both of our pasts will come in our way, in the way of our relationship.

And no, it isn't a hate relationship.

This relationship is the one in which I want both of us to figure out our feelings for each other. I am not expecting him to go down on his knees and say he fricking loves me, I don't. 

But that sounds tempting. Am I starting to like him?

Maybe. But at this moment, I just want an honest relationship with him. It can be a friendship, or anything. 

He is the only person in this whole damn world who actually stuck with me, even after knowing most of my past. And it doesn't matter how tough he is from outside, I know he has a heart which I have successfully managed to see. Not anatomically of course.

The day when I first met, I swear the only though running in my mind was - 

"Can't I kill this Mr. Apathetic already?" 

But now, almost a year has gone since I have been with him and I can't help but think -

"Can't I just fall in love with this Ace of Hearts already?" 

Yeah, that does come to my mind seriously. He has definitely changed since our first meeting. From being someone who always shuts me out with a single glare to being someone who is finally opening to me - he has changed. From being a jerk who blackmailed me into this contract marriage to being someone who actually took my responsibility and made sure that I was safe - he changed. From being the antagonist of my life to being the one with whom I could be myself without the fear of him judging me - he changed.

But now that I looked at everything, I realized that it was not him who changed. He was always this man who would go to any lengths to protect his sister, who would jump into hell to save his friend and was always taking his responsibilities seriously. He was always the man who respected women in his life and was the softest person to the ones he loved.  

So, it was not he who changed. It was my perspective that changed. 

I started to look at him as someone who was a constant in my life. With all the changes and insecurities I have, where everyone close to me has left me - he was there. Never leaving me. No matter how much he hated my guts, how much he hated me as his wife, no matter how much I irritated him - he was always there. I troubled him, I troubled his guards, got drunk, misbehaved, misunderstood him, always ignored his good side - he never even once said that he wanted me to leave. 

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