Hell Is Awaiting

Tell The Devil (He'll Have To Wait)

Lillian realizes that she's going to hell at an early age. She's five, sitting in the pews of her baptist church when Grandpapa turns to her and mutters something about 'fairies' and 'fags'.

"Promise me if you ever see one of em, that you'll pop a cap in em'." The words roll of his tongue with a smile. It sent involuntary shivers down her spine. Lillian doesn't think he realizes the fear he struck her with.

She decided it would better to not tell anyone about her classmate,Mishalya.
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Mishalya is a light skinned girl with big and pretty hair. She gorgeous. She smells of collard greens and oxtails. Mishalya sends butterflies in Lillian's tummy. Lillian is in love with her. Or as close as she can get to it without going to hell.

Lillian doesn't want to go to hell. The Bible study teachers and her really, really old aunt Evelyn says it's super hot. They say that eternal pain and suffering is everywhere. Hell is for the damned, or whatever that is. Lillian doesn't want to hurt for eternity.

Eternity means forever.

To advert her foreseen prophecy of torment, Lillian stuffs all of her 'bad' feelings down. She stuffs it so far it makes her sick. Her tummy hurts from the pain of it.
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Jaden reminds Lillian of spaghetti and lemonade. She can only have so much of it until it makes her feel bad. Jaden spits scathing words but provides her with bitter sweet friend ship. Lillian has inadvertently connected Jaden to Mishalya, Erion, and Courtney. They are her other friends. Her only ones.

They must like spaghetti and lemonade also. It's the only reason Lillian can think of that makes them stay around.

Like Lillian, Jaden has pretty dark skin. However, she gets to wear hair extensions and relax her hair with the green boxed chemicals.

Jaden is called chocolate and coco by all the boys in class whilst the closest Lillian has gotten to that was a comparison to burnt toast. She doesn't understand what the obsession with food is but she likes food, so it doesn't bother her.
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Lillian doesn't feel the backlash of the stuffing until later. She's at home sitting on her bed. She feels as though life is in third person. Like a passenger in her own body. She doesn't like it very much.

The anxious feeling that the devil is waiting sits on her shoulders. She doesn't want to go to hell. She really doesn't. She'll go to church without complaint if that's what it takes.

Hell means being away from Granny and Grandpapa. She loves them to much for that. Grandpapa always assures her that she's the best and the nicest and the prettiest in the world.

Lillian wishes she could switch heaven and hell. That way she and Grandpapa won't be so hot every time they reach church grounds. They'd both known he was going to hell.

She never has to say it out loud because he does for her. He says the mantra like it's set in stone. "You won't see me in heaven with everyone else. But that's ok, you'll have everything when I leave this world. Don't give it away though. It's always yours.".

Lillian asks him why and he always responds with "I'm not letting go of this hate. There's always people trying to get one over on me and I'll be a bitch before death stops my rampage.". He never let's anything go.

She wishes she could find a way to save him so that at least one of them is safe. She loves him to much for him to go to hell. He gets her out of church with Granny, he lets her and only her taste test the barbecue sauce, and he's her day one fan.

Lillian wishes she could tell the devil to wait for someone else.