whiskey and cigarettes{Lou miller x female reader}

A subdued mind

'Fuck me' my head pounded .
Okay confession . I never ever get hangovers , no matter how much i drink , i don't know what it is , maybe a tolerance thing , no idea .
But this morning...fuck . I groaned and opened my eyes only to see it was still quite dark.

"what the fuck...what- what time is it" i sleepily mumbled to myself .

I couldn't find my phone or my bag anywhere near the bed , come to think of it , i don't know how i got here.

I looked at the clock on my wall , i never really learnt to tell time , i know pathetic right . But from what i could see from the clock , i'm guessing it was approximately 5:30am to 6am .

The last thing i remember was the smell of Lou's perfume , so i was a bit surprised to find that i was in bed alone .

Small fragments of memories stuck in my mind .
I know i drank lots , clearly from the ringing in my head. And i know i saw james and got some shit from him . I don't know how much of it i took , after i took the first bump of coke , my memories were gone .

⚠️{TW - self harm}⚠️

I will admit , i liked the feeling , the buzz i had last night . It felt good , almost better than self harm . I think it just felt refreshing to do something self destructive that didn't leave a permanent scar on my body . Just as i was thinking about it , that desire came back , the desire to do something , anything self destructive .

I tiptoed to my bathroom , not knowing who was in the house , and not wanting to wake them .

I quietly reached under the sink and into a small toiletries bag which contained some blades .

I locked the door , trying to do it slowly making sure it didn't make a loud click.

I released a breath of relief as i finally felt safe to do it .

I still had my dress and cardigan on from last night so i quickly untangled the cardigan from my body and didn't hesitate to drag the blade across my arm , only a few cuts. Just a few.

I sighed and leant my head back , letting it rest against the door as a small smile of satisfaction spread across my face .

The horrifying sound of my main door opening made my body shoot up in a state of panic.

"Y/N ?" Debbies voice called from the other side of the bathroom door .

I scrambled around clearing away the blades and threw on a white hoodie that lay in the corner .

"uh- hang on a second" i blurted .

I flushed the toilet in an attempt to ease the suspicion and proceeded to wash my hands before opening the door to Deb .

She just smiled sympathetically and went to hand me a glass of water along with a couple painkillers .

As i was about to take then from her , my hand flew to my mouth causing me to sprint to the toilet .

Placing the water and tablets on the sink , Debbie came over and knelt down beside me , holding my long hair back and rubbing soothing circles on my back .
I continued to throw up so much that soft sobs escaped my mouth , i just wanted to go back to sleep this was disgusting .

I finally brought my head up from the toilet and sat facing Debbie on the floor , mascara running down my face and smudged lipstick plastered on my chin .

I looked up at her with a guilty face and in the spur of the moment , i just felt all my emotions at once , i threw myself into Debbies arms and sobbed , i don't know what i was crying over but she simply just held me , soothing .