quick a/n!: i planned for the reader to have white hair in this shot for a reason that will be later on revealed in the story. there will be mentions of seggs but it's not going to be that detailed, only the surrounding thoughts of it so if you feel uncomfortable then please skip this one shot.
─────────────
Nights when the air smells of fresh love and vape smoke from your lips, Enji would be the first to leave the dark room- leaving you alone in a king-sized bed with your thoughts disarrayed.
Enji Todoroki can't really remember when it happened.
When the Number 2 Hero of Japan, better known as Hawks, decided one-sidedly that he will be his idol's wingman— Endeavor found it silly. What he did not find silly was that Hawks actually managed to get him into an expensive bar whereas, in the sea of lovely men and women, only a certain lady caught his attention.
Sat alone and far from drunk, your white hair fell beautifully down to your shoulders. You looked exactly like who he wanted to hold on lonely nights,
And that's only because you resembled his wife.
" Enji.. are you starting to waver? " You asked in a tease, your eyes reflected a jovial emotion whereas Endeavor can only return with his ever stoic expression.
With a grunt, he can only bring you close to his muscular body. Sharing his heat with yours, he neared his lips on your ears in a whisper, " That cannot be. "
Even though you knew from the start that there will be no commitment, even though he had warned you multiple times in a mutter about it every time he holds you close — you can't help but fall still. It was the saddest companionship you'd ever had with someone, that's all because you never felt this way with other men when they told you the exact same thing Enji said.
" Why not? " Pretending to not know, you masked the pain of truth that'll come to once he responses. How silly of you to think that the Number 1 hero is finally wavering from his own warnings of 'no commitment'. But if his words will help you to stay in reality,
Then you'd take all the possible shots.
Just what is the difference between other men and Enji? The difference was that those who have held you before never made you feel like you should cling to them any longer than one night. But as for Enji who asks for you to not develop any feelings for him, he still holds you tenderly later on as if begging for you to tell him that you've already gone far deep, and there's no turning back.
Halting on his actions, Enji gave you a good gaze before returning to his actions of pleasing you. " Don't go asking about what our agreement is for the nth time, (name). "
So much for his words helping you stay in reality when he can't even tell you about it again himself.
But it can be that you're just imagining it. It can be that he never begged for you to confess. So with all the hesitations and doubts masked by your sarcasm and teases when you talk to him as you make love, it's safe to say that you're completely broken.
Even if you two's companionship makes you unhappy, even if the brush of reality would come and hit you. You still wonder why just even a flash of his appearance on any media can already make you squirm, making you daydream of where he'll love you by the next weekend. Only did a few more lectures from your close friends did you realize that you should probably leave,
Because no one can love you better than yourself.
Not Enji, who still loves his wife. Not Keigo, who says he roots for you but only roots for Enji. No one in that bar where the two of you first met can give you the satisfying love that would fill the expanding hole in your heart. There were indeed times when Enij made you feel like he loved you, but you knew it was only because he imagined his wife as you. But even in those moments you try to find solace, even in those moments you try to make yourself happy.
But the love you've been looking for cannot be found in that kind of companionship. Not with him.
" Let's end this. "
While in bed, skins damp, foreheads touching, your eyes were closed while his were on your calm face. As much as how the man who holds you now wanted to emit an expression of being in love, Enji was bad at it only because he would be lying if he did. And so smiling lightly albeit frustrated,
you can only whisper your pain.
" I don't want to be a second choice anymore. "
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
if loving is divided by choices, loving yourself must be your first choice. if relationship is divided by choices, there should be no other options but you and your partner only. when the reader said she doesn't want to be a second choice anymore, she meant it to herself and her place in enji's life.
happy new year everyonee! let's welcome this year with huge amounts of hugs and love to ourselves and the people we treasure. i'm sorry for dropping a bitter one-shot, i promise i'll try to do something better once i figure out how to write an actual fluffy story- LOL see u around <3
