Dear Roxy

Milwaukee

Dear Roxy,

I've only been here for a few days, but Denise's home could not have been a better fit. I keep the house clean, keep up on the yard work, and do other unique tasks in exchange for her hospitality, humor, and amazing Irish accent.

Currently, she works for the beauty parlor downstairs. In exchange for this cozy apartment she acts as the shop's overnight security guard and occasionally the janitor. The owner's kindness to lend her a free place to sleep inspired her to extend the offer to travelers like me, but I also would cover her night duty shift for the parlor on nights when she went to perform. There always is a catch, but this one I truly don't mind. Denise has trained and gone to school her entire life for acting and places like Miller High Life, Riverside, and Northern Lights brought that dream to life for her. When she realized the shows would be anywhere from 8-10 PM to start and rehearsals alone would take weeks of preparation, she knew she had to figure out some sort of solution so she could both afford a place to live and still work on her dream career. While her life is nowhere near perfect it feels as if fate introduced me to this woman to show that dreams really can come true. Denise motivates me every single day to get my ass up and one step closer to New York.

Speaking of saving, today is my first interview. Nothing crazy, just a serving job, but it'll be a start while I look for something higher paying. With no car payment, no phone bill, and no rent every cent can go toward the move... and groceries. As much as I appreciate Denise already, the parlor only pays her enough to feed herself considering she already has the free apartment. Still, she's trying her best to give me enough while I search for my own source of income. Luckily, she hasn't thought to ask why I need to find a job when I'm just on a road trip and mostly let's me go about my merry way. A part of me feels bad for lying to her but I can't risk trusting her so quickly. Hell, I knew Brayden for nearly 9 years and he still completely disregarded me like cheap garbage after we broke up.

I still remember meeting him for the first time. Dating the girl he'd run back to time and time again until graduation. That was, until he fell for me. During one of their breaks he had just happened to be coming over to my place so we could carpool to meet some friends and his usual rosacea blushed cheeks were burning a deep red as he sat outside my door in tears wondering why he couldn't bring himself to leave her. Throughout the years, they cheated on each other, spewed cruel words, at one point she even went as far as to strike him across the face, but they continued to run back to the familiarity of one another.

We cancelled our plans that night, allowing him time to pour his heart out to me and I couldn't help but see him in another light. At the time I was sure it was love, now I know it was the desire to fix him and have it be a sweet story of the not so high school sweethearts who only realized their love after high school. The less than ideal relationship I was in at the time only made Brayden seem more and more like my knight in shining armor. My boyfriend at the time constantly felt a need to have authority over me because of his financial status and drove me and my family and friends up the wall. Brayden and I convinced one another that we were meant for each other instead. Once again, in hindsight, I can't believe how blatantly I ignored how toxic this was.

To date, Brayden is the longest relationship I've ever had being officially together for a year and then constantly hooking up with one another hoping to force the love to come back for another 3. While I do believe there was love at some point, the berating from his family about how awful I was and him idly standing by as they buried me became overwhelming. At the beginning, they didn't like me simply to not like me. She's too outspoken- her mom had her so young she probably wasn't raised right -she tells you to stick up to us and that's not gonna fly blah blah blah. Brayden decided to add to the fire by telling them that I left with no explication right after he had been fucking an old friend. Hard to believe, but I still went back after that. I worried that nobody else would love me like he had, nobody else would come back. Now that I'm used to being single, I will choose the lonely route every single time.