From the Literary Contest

Late Night Interview (With Your Favourite Host; Mr. Cuddles)

Monologue

(Tom fixes his hair, looking at the audience. He smiles at his teddy bear. He's sitting down. )

Well, thank you, Les. (chuckle) No, don't say that. It's not that big of a deal, it's just a book. Hm? How do I feel about being a published author? Well, haha, it's quite a big experience, you know? At least I feel like it is. Years ago, I could only dream about this day - fun fact, I used to practice in the mirror for these interviews. God, I was so weird. It's not like I'm doing the same right now and that you're a teddy bear I've had since I was five. Not at all.

(he sighs) Aah, fourth wall break. You love to see it.

How long did it take me to finish the book? Damn, you just want to embarass me. Look, I've been writing it since freshman year. Yeah, man, that long. What can I say? I tend to start ten projects and not finish any. It's kind of my thing. My mom and best friend hate me for it; I annoyed everyone with my promises about how I was gonna finish something. But at the end, I did! I didn't finish them all, but I finished one, and that's enough!

A summary of the book? A summary of the book... Well... Uh, I don't quite have one yet. Lemme think, hold on... Which of my books could have this potential...? (he looks at the ceiling, visibly thinking about the answer) I don't know. Hm. Shush, let's try with another question. There's no need to talk about the book.

(pretending to be the teddy bear, Mr. Cuddles) "Well, Thomas, everyone knows something inspired you in senior year to finish the book, but what was that something?" (awkward smile) Funny you ask. Well, senior year is a wild year. Was. Was a wild year.

I got told I was gonna die soon. I didn't think I could even get to see the graduation. But, miracles happen, right? Miracles, miracles... People throw that word around so easily, I've always hated it. (imitating a random lady) "Oh, my son survived the surgery, what a miracle-" No, ma'am, the doctor made sure to save his life. Dude, I was so tired of that stuff. And this might anger some people in the audience (he points at the public) or in their homes (he points at the air) but it's the truth. However, I was screwed. There was no way of saving my life, you know? But I survived, somehow, and now here I am.

I... Hope.

(he shakes his head, and stands up, walking around) No, no, no. No, it got too dark, too fast. This is supposed to be wholesome (chuckle) I'm such an idiot. Hm... The Late Night Show format doesn't really work... (he takes Mr. Cuddles and leaves it somewhere else. Then, he walks up to the front of the stage) Mmm... Maybe a TED Talk? Oh, yeah, it would make more sense. I'd get invited to talk about the dark parts and I would get paid for it. Works for me. Now...

(he shakes his whole body, takes a deep breath, and imitates the typical pose of a lecturer)

Life is short. That's a motto you've probably heard thousands of times. But, you don't notice how true it is, until you have dozens of projects, but not enough time. (smile) Hey. Good night. You might know me, you may have read my books. In case you don't know who I am, the name's Thomas Ziggy Phoenix.

(frown) Do you even like my name? I mean, it's not an usual one. Mom and dad were David Bowie fans, so they called me Ziggy, and they had already changed their last names to Phoenix. I don't know. I don't really know what you would like. I'm not that good at public speaking- Shoot! I'm getting off topic! Mmm... Rewind, rewind, let's try again...

The name's Thomas. (grin) And I'm here to tell you about my experience with life.

You see, I never had planned my life. I didn't have a schedule, or anything, for my projects. It was all working well - until, when I was seventeen, I got diagnosed with-

(his mood drops) With... Uh... I was told I was gonna die in less than... A year... (he looks at his wristwatch) A year, a year... That was six months ago... However, I pulled myself together, and worked on what I wanted to have as my... Legacy.

(he looks at the floor) No, I don't have a legacy.

This is never going to happen. (he sits on the floor) This talk will never happen. I will be dead by then. Or I won't have a book. Or fame... 'Cause I can't focus on anything, and I keep procrastinating... (dry laugh) I don't even know how I'd talk to my fans, or, anybody that isn't friends or family...

(he looks at his watch again) I should go to sleep. Tomorrow's school day. And I was planning on writing a chapter of one of my stories... Or maybe finish a script... (he frowns, and reaches for Mr. Cuddles)

Goodnight, Mr. Cuddles. Wish me luck.