"hong'er... hong-hong'er... xiao hong..." mu qing mutters every possible way of saying hong'er's name, enjoying the way the words roll of his tongue. it wasn't an unpleasant name, rather auspicious actually. much better than mu qing's name at least.
"to yearn for affection." what kind of bullshit name is that? but mu qing does follow his name quite well, seeking for attention but never quite being bright enough. and when that attention comes, it's never good.
"why hong'er?" mu qing asks abruptly, turning to hong'er.
"ah?" hong'er looks up, surprised.
"why are you named hong'er?"
"my mother just said..." hong'er still seems reluctant to talk. "my mother said i reminded her of red."
mu qing cocks an eyebrow. you remind people of a lot of things. a white flower, a bow stretched taut, a defensive cat. but a color? hong'er's mother seems like an interesting person. he wouldn't judge but... it's not the most delicate way to get a name. then again, he can't fault her after remembering his own name.
mu qing resists the urge to say 'that's stupid'. after all, after all that the boy has been through, the last thing that he needs to know is that his name, the one thing he is somewhat proud of, is stupid. mu qing nods instead, brain desperately searching for the next topic to talk about. he comes up empty, so empty that he asks:
"how old are you?"
hong'er shifts uncomfortably, clearly not used to answering these types of questions.
"ten... i think."
the last two words hit mu qing like a punch in the gut. it wasn't that he couldn't understand what the kid felt, it was that he understood it all too well. that feeling when the days blend together and you don't know which day it is until you realize the flowers have begun blooming. that feeling when nobody has considered your birthday special enough to celebrate to the point that you don't realize you're a whole year older until you find that you've outgrown the cherry tree sapling.
also, on a sidenote, mu qing couldn't help but comment on how small the kid was. was mu qing that small as a ten year old? hong'er was scrawny and pale, the white robes that xian le royals gave to him draping off awkwardly. this was already the smallest size possible, used usually for six or seven year olds.
"so you don't know your birthday?"
mu qing found himself easing into the conversation, his posture more relaxed and his eyes less icy cold. he supposed it was okay, as the kid couldn't do much to hurt him anyways.
"...no," hong'er grimly admits.
mu qing understood. it wasn't something to be proud of, not knowing your birthday, but it was the truth. mu qing had always known that birthdays were something special, as shown by the extravagant balls and parties thrown on the crown prince's birthday. but mu qing had never found his own birthday special, which seemed weird to most others he met.
"well we could make one up," mu qing suggests.
hong'er looks at the young man in front of him quizzically, puzzled and wondering if this was a joke. but mu qing's eyes held no hint of amusement. he was dead serious.
"you know, just choose a date and make it special. celebrate that day. make it something to look forward to."
hong'er nods, but he doesn't seem convinced.
"birthdays are only important if we make them so."
hong'er stares at mu qing blankly.
mu qing swallows a lump in his throat. only now did he realize how stupid he sounded. he thought that hong'er might understand him, given how similar they were. mu qing supposed that he shouldn't use hong'er as an emotional dumping ground. it was just... a slip up. yes, a drop of defense.
