THis is not About lovE

constructive criticism

4 Jan 2022

hello, t. good day.

i had a whole written piece for this next chapter, but i feel like rewriting it. okay, woooh. take 2. 

--

since this is about the opposite of affection, i will not sugarcoat this. listen up, t.

to start this off, you have a lot more room to grow. you're young, you make mistakes, and you'll learn a lot more. this is a lesson to me too because i gave my whole heart away agad-agad and because of it, i got attached. it happened naman na, and i learned my lesson. it's fine. goods tayo. what's done is done. this isn't some document na you can press undo and redo the thing. 

ano na lang, don't say things you don't mean. understand the brevity of your words and what they could do and/or elicit to the people you're saying it to. you're right when you said writing is better. you can evaluate the harshness or the softness of your tone and your message.

be clear. 'wag mong gayahin yung pagkalabo ng mata ko. you're proud to have 20/20 vision and yet, 'di mo nakita yung mali mo sa sitwasyon na ito. i honestly envied that your eyes are not fucked up, but not much so now. i'd rather have my busted-up vision and the simple and basic decency to tell things, thank you very much. learn how to communicate effectively and as early as possible. don't do to them what you don't want to be done to you. ayaw mong masaktan? 'wag kang manakit.

'wag mong gayahin yung mga politicians na hindi pinapakita ang kanilang transparency at SALN. don't be ashamed to express what you feel. you have a right to feel those things dahil tao ka at may pakiramdam ka. know your worth and love yourself. i know you have a heart.

don't bottle up your feelings, t. unang-una, tao ka, 'di ka naman bote. second, the more you keep things, the heavier your heart gets, the bigger the explosion. 'wag mong hintaying sumabog ka. 'wag kang maghintay, because sooner or later, guaranteed, one hundred percent talagang mangyayari na you'll explode. ang mga hindi dapat tinatabi, tinatapon. ang mga pabigat, binibitiwan at pinapalaya. parang mga kagrupo mo lang sa research. let it out, t. tell someone. cry. breathe. write.

'wag mo isantabi yung nararamdaman mo because even if you're distracted with other things, darating at darating yung moment na maiisip mo na naman ulit yon and masisira yung bubble of comfort mo. it's kind of like a cycle once paulit-ulit mong hindi pinapansin yung nararamdaman mo. don't dismiss your feelings. 'di naman yan class at 'di ka naman teacher.

to be clear, i understand what you said. yeah, it's stressful juggling a lot of things in life. and yeah, i understand what you mean. i'm sorry i made you feel that way. i'm just writing in this to pour out my feelings. don't worry. your secrets are safe with me. always yan.

i was just mad and surprised at how you handled the whole situation. 'di lang naman bot yung kausap mo on the other side. i'm not an AI that's automatically programmed to do shit and feel nothing. i asked you to let me down slowly, but i was surprised. ayun. i was just surprised. it was unexpected for me. i need to take classes in reading between the lines siguro.

but that's what's hard about it. reading between the lines. you have a different interpretation of something because your experiences shaped you and honed you to understand something in your way, while i have different experiences naman which made me understand things differently. kumbaga, we're entitled to our own interpretation of each other's words because we're influenced by different things. 'di ko alam kung nakuha mo ba yung nais kong iparating, at 'di ko alam kung nakuha ko ba yung nais mo namang iparating. kung na-receive ko ba yung signals mo, or kung tama yung interpretation ko sa signals na nais mong iparating.

well, hindi. i didn't notice the signs. that's a lie. i actually noticed it. i'm not dumb to not notice it, but i overlooked it. akala ko something happened lang or baka you're busy. i was looking forward to meeting you eh. i didn't mind it. 

ayun, lesson 'to for me. if you truly want someone in your life, don't put them on a pedestal. don't idolize them. tao sila, and people make mistakes. walang perfect sa mundo. if you love someone, you love all of them. you love them despite their wrongdoings. despite their shortcomings. despite their attitude. ayun. 

another piece of advice? if you don't like the game, don't play.

paki-interpret na lang.

anyway, one last thing.

i think i said what i needed to say naman na sa previous chapter eh. re-read mo na lang ulit until it burns--no, gets and makes its mark--in your head.

i wish you all the best, truly. i now mean that with all of me. consider this as constructive criticism na lang. ayun.

best of luck sa life mo, future doc. 

goods tayo. i forgive you.

no more to come.