For The Love Of The Game (Book 1)

Chapter 14: Really Tired

It had been several weeks, and I felt stronger than I ever had been before, as I was for sure glad that Xavier had in fact came in to my life, as I had not been all too sure of it at first, but now that I had seen how much it was that he had in fact been helping me, I now knew that there was nothing to complain about, as I had in fact been a little bit upset by it at first, as my mother had told me she had not told me, as she had not wanted to get my hopes up at all.
Of course, it made sense, as Xavier told me a lot of his story, about how it was that he had been a 5 star athlete, and he had torn his ACL and got really depressed about it, and how he had become an alcoholic due to that, which I felt like was really stupid, but I felt like I could not blame him for it, as I knew that every one handled their pain in different ways, as I felt like I could not judge him for it.
He had told me all about my father, and all about how it was that he had loved me so much, but my mother did not want him in my life, due to the fact that he had a really bad drug problem, and he was around a lot of bad people, which at first I had been quite a bit upset at my mother for it, until it was of course that Xavier had in fact explained it to me, as to the fact that it meant that I would have been around a lot of people, all at the exact same time as well, none the less.
I breathed in quite a bit heavily to my self all at once, as I got my mind, and I got my focus off of all of the rest of those other thoughts, as I knew that I did not want to think back on my father at all, any longer, as it did in fact kind of hurt me quite a bit, as to just what it was that Xavier had told me about him none the less, as he had said that he had been best friends with Xavier's brother growing up.
I did my best to try to calm my self down, as I then all of the sudden looked over at Xavier, who just seemed to have quite a bit of a blank look on his face right at this very moment in time, as I saw that he was just staring at the road, as any good driver should be doing at that never the less. I did my best to try to keep my self as calm as I felt like I could possibly do, as I just began to all of the sudden speak to Xavier, all at once.
Xavier seemed to still have his eyes on the road, but I was fairly certain in fact, that he was in fact paying attention to me right now from the corner of his eyes, as it did in fact do quite a bit to calm my self down once again, as I then began to start to continue to speak to him, now that it was that I was in fact fairly certain that he was in fact beginning to start to listen as to just what it was that I was even about to say to him in the very first place any ways, none the less.
"So... When are you coming back to pick me up soon?" I asked him, as I remembered that he had in fact told me that he was about to go on a little bit of a vacation sort of, as I knew that he did not have all too much money, but he was going to go and hang out with his old college teammates at some sort of party, which kind of sounded suspicious to me if I was not going to lie to my self, as I knew that there was a lot of drinking at parties.
Especially with a guy that had said that he had quit drinking at that, none the less, I felt like he could easily be pushed right back in to it if he was around a lot of it, all at the exact same time too. I did my best to try to calm my self down in the mean time, as I got my mind, and I got my focus off of the rest of those other thoughts, as I knew that I had to keep my trust in him, as I knew that he had not lied to me at all so far, as he seemed to be a very genuine person, which I was in fact happy for my mother for, none the less.
I knew that she had not just got him here just for me, as much as she had said that she had, as I knew that she was very lonely, which I could not blame her for either. I loved my mother so much, as she really did mean the world to me if I was not going to lie to my self, as I knew just how much it was that she did for me, as I knew that she really had meant for this to help me, as it had in fact helped me quite a bit of course.
I was strong, and I was actually starting to get a bit taller day by day, as I was now over 5 feet tall, which was still very short by all means, but it still did give me a lot of hope, all at the exact same time as well, as to just what it was that the future did in fact have in store for me, all at the exact same time as well, as it really felt like things were going on the up and up for me, all at the exact same time too, as for the first time it felt like in my life, I was excited for stuff.
Though, I really had not fit in much with the kids at the new school, as I felt like it was in fact better in the aspect at the very least where they weren't shoving me around, and they weren't making fun of me all of the time, but I still had not really made any friends, as I really did not fit in with all too many people in the school, all at the exact same time as well, as I was an athlete, but I was too short to really be considered a prep, as well as the fact that I was not rich.
But there was also the bad thing about being the athlete as I really did not fit in with the nerds all too much, which I felt like I never would, as there was not all too much that we really had in common in the very first place any ways. I let out a bit of a soft sigh to my self, as I felt like I was fine with it all, if I was not going to lie to my self either, as I knew that I was in fact happy, and it felt like that was all that really even mattered any ways.
I got my mind, and I got my focus off of all of those other thoughts, all at once, as I just got my mind, and I got my focus back on to just what it was that was even going on all around me right at this very moment in time too, as I saw that Xavier was now all of the sudden looking at me, as I realized of course that we had now parked the car, all at the exact same time as well, as we were now at my home, which I let out a bit of a soft sigh of relief all the exact same time too, as soon as I did in fact realize that was in fact the case, as I just wanted to go in side, fall in to my bed, and get some sleep.
I blinked my eyes a few times, as I then all of the sudden began to start to see that Xavier did in fact go right on ahead and nod to me all of the sudden, to let me know that he was in fact about to go on ahead and finally begin to start to speak to me thankfully enough, all at the exact same time too, as I did my best to try to keep my self as calm as I felt like I possibly could in the mean time none the less, as I got my mind, and I got my focus off of all of the rest of those other thoughts that I had been thinking on just a few moments before hand once again, all at the exact same time too, at that.
I did my best to try to keep my self as calm as I felt like I possibly could, as I then all of the sudden did in fact begin to start to nod right back over towards Xavier all of the sudden, to let him know that I was in fact paying attention to him right now, and there was really nothing at all that he really needed to be worried about right now in the very first place any ways once again, never the less.
I could tell that it had in fact made him feel quite a bit better, as he then did in fact begin to start to go right on ahead and begin to speak to me, as I did in fact begin to start to listen as to just what it was that he even had to say to me all at the exact same time as well, as soon as it was that he did in fact start to of course.
"Well kid... I am not all too sure you see... I am going to be in Florida for who knows how long... When I get back I will contact you and your mother... You just keep your mind and your focus on the fact that you have got basketball try outs tomorrow... Keep me updated on how that goes..." He said to me, as he did in fact remind me on the fact that of course, as I had some how forgot as to that fact all at the exact same time as well, as to the fact that I did in fact have try outs tomorrow.
I kind of shivered at the thought of that, as I felt like, as strong as I was right now, I knew that I was in a massive school, and I felt like I might not be given as to much of a chance as for one thing I knew that I was a freshman, but also there was the fact that I was not a cool kid in the school, so I knew that no one was going to really cheer me on if it was that I was to do some thing that seemed to be impressive at all what so ever, or if it was that I did some thing good.
There was also the fact that I knew that I was in fact short at that, all at the exact same time too, as I let out quite a bit of a heavy sigh to my self all of the sudden, as I got my mind, and I got my focus off of all of those other thoughts once again, as I just kept on doing what it was that I had been doing before, as I felt like I needed to just calm my self down, as I felt like things were going to be fine, all at the exact same time as well none the less. I shivered once again either way how ever, as I still was not all too sure if that was of course even going to be the case.
I knew that I could not lose faith, and I knew that I could not lose hope in my self, as I knew that I was a very good player, and I was a very good athlete at that, none the less, as I knew that as long as I stayed humble, and as long as I did some impressive stuff in the try outs, than I was sure that I was in fact going to be fine, all at the exact same time too, as I got my mind, and I got my focus off of all of the rest of those other thoughts all of the sudden.
I was just feeling a little bit blank, and I felt quite a bit empty in side right now, if I was not going to lie to my self either, as I felt like I had a lot of thoughts that were coming in to my head right at this very moment in time as well, that felt like it would be best if I was just to not think in to those thoughts at all, all at the exact same time too, as I kind of shook my head a bit to my self all of the sudden, as I just got my mind, and I got my focus on the fact that I was with Xavier in his car right now, in the very first place any ways.
I knew that Xavier was here to help, as I knew that he had already helped me a ton so far. I knew that I needed to calm my self down none the less, as I just seemed to stare at Xavier for just a little bit longer, as it seemed like he did in fact some how manage to keep my calm, as I felt like he was a lot better of a therapist than my actual hired, and my actual professional therapist was if I was not going to lie to my self either, none the less.
I did not want to say that out loud to my mother at all, what so ever, as I knew that my mother was paying quite a bit of a fair amount for that therapist for me all at the exact same time as well, though I felt like it might not be all too bad of an idea if it was that I did in fact tell my mother, as I felt like it would be good for her to save a little bit of some money all at the exact same time as well, as I knew that she was strapped in tight as it was right now, as I knew that Xavier was helping her a lot, when Xavier him self really did not have all too much to help her with.
I had thought about telling Xavier that he should come live with us, and come stay with us, but I felt like that might be pushing it a little bit too far all at the exact same time as well, as I just shook my head all of the sudden to my self, as I once again got my mind and my focus off of all of those other thoughts once again, as I just stared at Xavier for just a bit more time, as the both of us had quite a bit of some blank looks on the both of our faces, all at the exact same time too.
We just seemed to stare at each other for just a little bit longer, until it was that I felt like I should be the one that should get all of this stuff in to some motion at that, none the less, as I then did in fact go right on ahead and begin to start to nod to Xavier, to let him know that I was in fact about to go right on ahead and begin to start to speak to him, all at the exact same time as well, at that, never the less.
Xavier just seemed to stare at me with the same blank look that he had on his face long before now, all at the exact same time too, as in the end, he did in fact go right on ahead and nod back to me, to let me know at the very least, that he was in fact paying attention to me right at this very moment in time as well, as I did in fact feel a lot better, and a lot more relieved now that it was that I did in fact know that it was the case, all at the exact same time as well.
I just let out quite a bit of a heavy sigh to my self all of the sudden, as Xavier just seemed to still be staring at me, but this time not with the same blank look that he had before, as now it actually did in fact thankfully enough at the very least, seem like he was in fact paying attention to me, as I then did in fact begin to start to go right on ahead and begin to speak to him, now that it was that I did in fact know that he was in fact beginning to start to listen as to just what it was that I even had to say to him in the very first place any ways, at that never the less.
"Well... Thank you... I will keep that in mind Xavier... I will see you in a few weeks man... Don't do any thing stupid while you are gone... We need you..." I said to him, as I looked at him right in to his eyes all at the exact same time as well, as soon as it was that I had in fact said that to him, to make sure that he did in fact know that I was being serious, as I felt like he very well could be going to go and do some thing very stupid, as I knew that he had a lot of stupid people around him in his past, that had not helped him with any of that stuff...
I shivered quite a bit to my self, as I did my best to try to calm my self down, and to try to not think on any of the dark, or any of the bad thoughts what so ever, all at the exact same time as well, as I then got my mind, and I got my focus on the fact that I knew that life was going to be going good for just a little bit longer, as it had been for a while now, finally at that none the less, as I cracked a bit of a sad smile on my face, and then I continued on with what it was that I had been doing long before now at that.
I then nodded to Xavier all of the sudden, as I then began to start to hop out of his car all of the sudden, as I knew that I needed to get in side of my home, and that I needed to get some rest all at the exact same time too, as I felt worn out as hell, after another hard day that I had just spent at the gym, as I felt like I should be training for basketball a lot more that just what it was that I was even doing right now, but I also knew that Xavier knew a lot more as to just what it was that we were doing than I did at that never the less.
I breathed in quite a bit heavily to my self all of the sudden, as I quickly got my mind, and I got my focus off of all of the rest of those other thoughts once again, as I opened the car door, and I then began to start to hop out and head over to just where it was that my place was even at in the very first place any ways, as it still kind of questioned me at this point, as to just why it is as that Xavier still had not moved in with us, as much as it seemed like he was in love with my mother, as I knew that she for sure was in love with him.
It just made sense for all of us, especially in the financial stand point, as I knew that my mother was having it had enough as it was right now, as I knew that so was Xavier and it would for sure cut out a lot of the money that they were spending if the both of them were not having to spend money on each of their own place. Perhaps it was just the fact that they were a little bit too scared to get to that point in their relationship.
I shook my head, as I knew that it had nothing to do with me what so ever, as I quickly got my mind, and I got my focus off of all of the rest of those other thoughts all of the sudden, as I then did in fact begin to start to head on over to my place, as I heard the car of Xavier, which was for sure not a very nice car, as it was not all too hard to hear his car when ever he drove off, as he did in fact begin to start to drive off out of my place, all of the sudden, all at the exact same time as well, none the less.
I let out quite a bit of a heavy sigh to my self all of the sudden, as I did my best to try to get my mind, and to try to get my focus off of all of those other thoughts, as I knew that for sure was not normal for him to be that way, as I knew that he usually always made sure that I was safe and I was in side of my own place before it was that he did in fact go right on ahead and drive off, all at the exact same time as well, never the less.
I felt like I might just be over thinking all of this how ever, as I was sure that he was simply just in a hurry to go on ahead and meet up with his old college pals all at the exact same time as well, as I got my mind, and I got my focus off of all of the rest of those other thoughts all of the sudden, as I just continued to walk over to just where it was that my place was even at in the very first place any ways, at that never the less.
As I drew closer to it, I began to start to breath in quite a bit of a heavy sigh to my self all of the sudden, as I knew that I did in fact have the keys on me right now, and I could easily go right on ahead and head on in when ever it was that I felt like doing as such a thing all at the exact same time as well, but for some odd reason or another I did not do as such a thing in fact at all this time how ever.
I breathed in a bit of a soft sigh to my self, as I went on ahead and knocked on the door, as if I was a delivery man, or as it I was just a guest, which was not the case what so ever, as I then all of the sudden began to start to hear the foot steps of my mother as she began to start to head on to the front door to open it for me, which I began to start to feel quite a bit guilty for that all at the exact same time as well, as I knew that she would not have had to do that other wise, as I was sure that she was doing some thing important, or she was in fact busy with some thing right now, such as it always seemed that she was, none the less.
I grunted quite a bit to my self either way how ever, as I got my mind and I got my focus off of all of the rest of those other thoughts, all at the exact same time as well, as I then all of the sudden began to start to see that the front door of my place did in fact all of the sudden begin to start to open, as I saw that my mother had quite a bit of a blank look on her face, which quickly turned in to a smile as soon as she saw that it was me that was at the front door all at the exact same time as well, once again.
I was a little bit confused by it, but I did not question it what so ever, at all, as I simply just let out quite a bit of a soft sigh to my self once again, as I then all of the sudden got my mind, and I got my focus off of all of the rest of those other thoughts that I had in fact been thinking on long before now, all at the exact same time too, as I then all of the sudden saw that my mother did in fact go right on ahead and begin to start to nod to me all of the sudden, as it was clear to me that she was in fact letting me know that she was about to go right on ahead and begin to start to speak to me at that, none the less.
I did my best to try to keep my self as calm as I felt like I possibly could, as I got my mind, and I got my focus off of all of the rest of those other thoughts once again, as I then got my mind and my focus instead in the fact that my mother was in fact looking at me right in to my eyes right now, as I then all of the sudden did in fact go right on ahead and begin to start to nod back to her all of the sudden, to let her know that I was in fact paying attention as to just what it was that she was even about to go on ahead and say to me in the very first place any ways, at that never the less.
I stared at her for just a little bit longer, as finally in the end, she did in fact begin to start to speak to me, as I did in fact of course begin to start to listen as to just what it was that she was even about to say to me in the very first place any ways, as soon as it was that she had in fact began to start to speak to me all at the exact same time as well, none the less.
"Hey Trevor! How was the gym today?" She asked me, as she looked at me right in to my eyes as soon as it was that she had said it, as I saw her poke her head around me to see if Xavier was still here with me all at the exact same time as well, which sadly enough for her was not the case what so ever, as I then all of the sudden let out quite a bit of another soft sigh to my self all of the sudden, as I got my mind, and I got my focus off of all of the rest of those other thoughts once again, as I just stared at her with quite a bit of a blank look on my face for just a few moments, as if I did not have a single clue as to just what it was that was going on right at this very moment in time any ways. How ever, after just a few more moments longer, I did in fact get my mind, and I did in fact get my focus back on to the presence, as I blinked my eyes a few times all of the sudden, all at the exact same time as well. And in the end, I did in fact hear my mother begin to start to speak to me once again, as I saw that she was no longer looking at me, as she had her eyes on the kitchen right at this very moment in time as well, once again, never the less, as I got my mind, and I got my focus on to that all of the sudden, as I did in fact begin to start to listen as to just what it was that she even had to say in the very first place any ways, at that. "I've got some spaghetti in there for you if you are hungry..."
I looked at my mother right in to her eyes for just a little bit longer, as for some odd reason or another, I was in fact still quite a bit lost as to just what it was that was even going on right now in the very first place any ways at that, but in the end how ever, I did in fact go right on ahead and begin to start to shake my head over towards my mother, which I felt a bit bad for, and I felt a bit guilty for all at the exact same time as well, as I was sure that even if spaghetti was not the hardest food to make in the world, that she had still spent some time on it.
I just sadly was not hungry, as I felt like I was too worn out after the long day that I had at school, and also the long day that I had just had at the gym all at the exact same time as well, to want to eat some food right at this very moment in time as well, which was quite a bit of a rare thing for me if I was not going to lie to my self either, because I knew that my mother did in fact make the best sort of food all at the exact same time as well, as I also felt like I just did not feel like it.
I grunted a bit of a soft grunt to my self, as I did my best to try to not feel too bad about it, which was quite a bit hard when I saw the look that was on the face of my mother right at this very moment in time any ways, as I could tell that she was quite a bit disappointed for it, as I knew that she was worn out, and she felt like she had wasted a lot of her precious time that I knew that she really did not have all at the exact same time as well.
My mother then all of the sudden began to start to turn her head away from me all of the sudden, as I then now saw that she had her eyes, and she had her focus on the fact that had to do with her getting ready to go to work, as I knew that she had not got any sort of sleep in the last 24 hours, just due to the fact that she had to work, and when she was not at work, she was always doing some thing to help me, all at the exact same time as well.
I was glad for my mother, as I knew that she simply just wanted the best life for me, all at the exact same time too, as I quickly went over to my mother, and I then all of the sudden began to start to hug my mother all at once, as I did not want her to feel like she was just a waste, as I knew that all she had done for my entire life was nothing but a help to me, as I knew that my mother did care for me deeply, and that I should let it be known.
My mother then all of the sudden seemed to be a little bit surprised at first, though she did not seem to push me away at all, what so ever, as I saw that she instead just seemed to hold on to me for quite a bit of some time, as if I was some sort of young child, which I kind of technically was still if I was not going to lie to my self either, once again.
I let out another bit of a soft grunt to my self once again, as I did my best to try to get my mind, and to try to get my focus off of all of the rest of those other thoughts that I had in fact been thinking on once again, as I then all of the sudden began to start to let go of my mother all of the sudden, as I saw that she was a little bit sad for it at first, but in the end, she did in fact get over it, as I let out a bit of a heavy sigh all of the sudden once again.
I knew that I had my own demons that I had to battle with right now that I knew were weighing me down quite a bit, as I knew that I just needed to stay strong for my mother right at this very moment in time too, as I knew that I could not let her lose her faith in every thing, especially when things seemed to be going so good right at this very moment in time as well.
I did my best to try to calm my self down all of the sudden, as I got my mind, and I got my focus off of all of the rest of those other thoughts all of the sudden, as I then all of the sudden did in fact go right on ahead and nod to my mother, to let her know that I was in fact about to speak to her.
My mother did in fact seem to be quite a bit confused by it at first, until she then all of the sudden began to start to realize as to just what it was that was even going on right now in the very first place any ways, as I saw her then all of the sudden crack the same little smile that she had on her face long before now, as she then did in fact nod back to me, to let me know that she was in fact paying attention as to just what it was that I was even about to say to her all at the exact same time too.
I then all of the sudden began to start to calm my self down as best as I felt like I could once again, as I then all of the sudden did in fact begin to start to speak to my mother, now that it was that I knew that she was in fact listening as to just what it was that I was even about to go on ahead and start to say to her, in the very first place any ways, at that.
"Thank you mom... I appreciate you... I will eat some for breakfast tomorrow... I am just really tired..."