Okay your author-nim is screaming!'
I am dying welpppp!
How tf did I even reach a hundred+ follows?
I don't know what just happened but I am happy. Genuinely thankful too! Because I have you peeps wiith me.
Y'all are my gorgeous/handsome stanees!
This is my way of celebrating 100 follows. I wanna give my close unnies, oppa, buddies, besties and dongsaengs shoutouts and thank each one of you!
And that is what I'm about to do.
But before that, I want y'all to read the following nice and clear. It's a glimpse of what my life basically looks like. It's gonna be one long paragraph but if you actually read the entire thing, you are much appreciated!
My life hasn't been so easy. On wattpad, I may seem quite carefree and all that but the reality is much more cruel. My family and I are...idk. I live with my mom and dad and I'm like the only child. I do have one maternal and paternal cousin and both are younger than me. I spend my time everyday not really doing much honestly. I'm a bored twerp and my life is the definition of plain. My parents and I have a good relationship. We're like buddies. But recently, things haven't been so easy on me like the life I had a couple of years ago. It in fact sucks! My parents have always been constantly arguing with a mix of bad language and raised voices. One minute they are all sweet, but then they just need this small trigger to start fighting all over again. I love them both, I really do. But now they are affected by each other's actions and that in turn is shown as anger on me. All I have done is ignore. Pretending that nothing ever happened. But it hurts. It hurts to much. And it eats me alive. The moment my mom enters me room, the first thing she does is to yell. Not like yell in a raised voice. But yell in terms of accusing, misunderstanding and lecturing. I don't blame her. I never have. But it seriously makes me lose my calm. I always feel so...depressed? I am not undergoing depression in any way. But I always feel so empty and I overthink most people's actions. At school, I am this quiet girl with a good number of friends yes, but we don't talk so often. Even when we do, I initiate conversations. I'm part of a trio gang and they make me happy. But they are offline and they don't have the concept of calling. We only hang out in school and outside school when we celebrate something or like after exams. I have other friends too but they have their set of other friends. Then I have like this one girl I hangout with from my class also my 'best friend' (its in quotations because I don't know what to think of her anymore). She's pretty nice, we've hung out outside school and all that. I tell her a lot of things about my life and so does she. But she's a social butterfly and expects me to be the same. Expects me to answer in class, expects me to come out of my comfort zone. Initially, I didn't mind it much and I used it as an oppurtunity to become the social butterfly I was meant to be. But it became too much for me. It was hard for me to cope with things and make new friends. And nowadays she hangs out with other people, who I don't like because I know who they really are. They have talked behind my back and all that shit. But she hangs out with them still...recently, way more than she even hangs out with me. I don't mind her hanging out with whoever she wants. But did she really forget me after what I've been to her? Anyways, let's get done with this. I haven't really enjoyed my life much. During my childhood, I've been bullied, teased, name-called and now people spend time with me but talk behind my back. I am weird, I spout nonsense when I'm comfortable with someone. But that's me. And if they can't accept it, then...idk. I can't be alone. It hurts to be left alone. I always need people. Because a lot happens at home and then there aren't many people I can talk to at school. My trio gang? They are amazing but I don't know if I should tell them about my feelings and my life. They do know loads of shit about me but not all of it. And I'm scared I might lose them when they know...
