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Sasunaru- Sun

The feeling of being wanted and being worthy of love is more satisfying than Sasuke can ever anticipate. It's the warmth and the patience he gives him are one of the reasons he fell in love with him all over again...

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A part of him- no, all part of him always wonders if he truly deserves all of this. This hatred that he is feeling, the despair that the universe decides to oh-so graciously gift him, is a phenomenon that no one will ever wish to be happening, happened to him instead.

He wonders if all of this hatred is good for the heart of a child. They never consider the damage that their actions will cause to a kid, that can not even distinguish right from wrong. He felt stuck all the time, no matter how much he grows day by day he still felt like a child, a worthless, useless, naive child that can't help but stand there like a coward he was. All the time he comes to the days that he didn't want to ever again in his life. But every night he dreams of being there, watching his parents lie on the floor unmoving, and he can't do anything about it. The nightmare repeats itself all over, and over, and over again until it is daytime. He lives in a big house all alone. Sometimes he didn't consider it his home anymore, yes, the memories, the remnants of the house having the comfort of home is there, but now, it is merely a memory.

This house is merely a place where he can rest, a place where he can eat, that he can train. But it can never be his home anymore. Not when he is the only one sharing this big house.

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People thought that giving him these flowers, giving him pity looks, wishing him to be better is gonna make him feel happier. He didn't care about the food, he didn't care about the flowers, nor the encouraging words the people are telling him when he passed by them, he just wants his family. He just wants everything to be normal again, he just wants everything to be a nightmare. A long painful nightmare.

But, it is not, His brother is the one at fault here. He did not understand. Where was the brother he once knew? Where was the kind-hearted brother that gives him piggyback rides? Where was the brother that pokes his forehead that he won't admit that he misses? Where was the warmth in his eyes? The smile? Where was his brother?

Sasuke sometimes can't comprehend that Itachi can do that, but he reminded himself that he saw Itachi in front of his dead parents not helping and with a bloody katana in his hand. The painful words he told him when he is in clear distress. He can't comprehend that his brother can change in a span of 1 night. Being in the academy isn't special anymore. No one to send him home and accompany him going to school. The proud words of his mother and the happy smile that Itachi gave him. Even his father's nonchalance is one of the things he craves the most. a lack of attention to him is better than his lack of presence as a father.

He wants vengeance, he wanted for Itachi to feel what he felt that night. He wanted him to know how much grief and how much he ruined his childhood. He wanted to take everything back to Itachi. He wanted to- no, he needed to. A feat that he can only accomplish on his own. No one was there when Itachi has done it. No one felt what he felt. No one will understand, and no one will bother to understand. They knew him as a survivor of the massacre of the Uchiha Clan. Not Sasuke Uchiha, the person.

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To be fair, he was never been recognized as Sasuke Uchiha even before the massacre. He was known as the second child of Fugaku Uchiha, the younger brother of Itachi Uchiha, the distraction, the failed carbon copy of the firstborn. Because of Itachi, Fugaku had high expectations to him, to be at least at the same level as Itachi, a prodigy. But, he never quite met that expectation that his father set him up. He was good at his age. But he was not Itachi good, and his father always had to remind him of that fact. He may not tell him outright, but he can see it in his eyes. Of how different he looks at Itachi and then to him. He might be young and naive to understand the emotions that his father's eyes held. But now he knew. He was disappointed with him.