Green and gold. ~ Loki ~

17 years old

SMUT WARNING ⚠️

I've become rather close with Thor after the accident. It still hurts to think about. Hurts to think about his crimson eyes staring up at me. Hurts to have my mind replay the way his body snaps as he hits the ground; the cause for all of this under him. He smiled at me. His last breath he wasted on smiling. Smiling with his awful pointed teeth even in his Jotun form it was still the same mischievous grin.

I hate the blood pouring down the blade soaking the ice below them. Everything is replayed in slow motion in my mind.

Him falling, he closed his eyes. Maybe I should of too. Thor did.

And then he smiled.

I hate him. I hate him so much it hurts. It's physically hurts. I hate how awful he was to everyone. Everyone but me. I hate how he is constantly causing trouble. Was constantly causing trouble.

I hate how his laughter haunts me. How I can't sleep thinking about him behind me his arms wrapped around my waist and his face buried in my neck. I hate how he still somehow manages to have a heavy presence in the city. I hate how he would kiss me under the stars. In the rain. In the middle of the streets while everyone's at school. I hate how sweet he really was. I hate how when he was drunk he would mark me with such obvious hickeys and stumble around clumsier than a dog.

I hate how easily Thor accepted his death. I hate how a simple nod told Thor everything he needed to know. I hate how people at school cry and weep as if they knew him. They knew one side of him.

The open side. The side he showed everyone. The cruel prince everyone either loved or hated. No body saw his other side. The side where he was overly romantic with little flowers left on my windowsill or how he danced with me or told me all about the places he visited. The way he would boast about the smallest achievements and become flustered whenever he was genuinely complemented. How long it took for him to get comfortable with me. How he would go from kissing me with enough passion to rattle the stars and then a minute later receded into himself. He would deliver me sweet kisses in the dead of night or sometimes whisper things to me when he thought I was asleep. He would recite his favourite lines from books from all around the universe.

What I hate the most is how badly I miss him. How I see him in everything I do. How the bakery reminds me of his kitchens where he showed me his recipes. Or even the window in my bedroom where he would sit his legs swinging outside until I returned. How the streets themselves seem empty without him striding down them as if he owns the world. How he would often stop infront of the little stalls and examine their contents. How even once he was given heels by a young girl and ensured he wore them the next day. That girl started crying and grinned so wide at everything after he winked at her.

That girl often lingered around the castle I saw her on my way to school. She would wave excitedly at Loki every morning and every night as we arrived back home.

I didn't see her at his memorial.

I hate how no body even knows how much I loved him. How much I still love him.

I kick stones as I wander down the snow ridden pathway. I hesitate as I pass the castle. The gardens. That damned brick fence we used to love so much.

I take a grip on one of the jutting out bricks and haul myself over it. I sit on the top of it staring in at the garden. The winter has taken its toll this year. Most of the flowers are drooping and some even have their petals fluttering to the ground.

They can't die. Because that means that he is truely dead. Even Thor himself refuses to believe he's gone. He can't be.

I slide off of the fence, walking up to the nearest bunch of flowers. I sink my hands into the soil letting the icy chips bite into my hands. I close my eyes and let myself relax for once. I let my pain and anger wash over me. I let myself acknowledge every thought that crosses my mind.