Not Yours Truly

Chapter 3: Apology Too Late

I walked into the café and Camila was already there. I shouldn't be surprised she had her laptop, an organizer and a bunch of highlighters and pens. One thing I could honestly say hadn't changed about her was her need to be very organized and on a schedule.

She waved at me and I made my way over to the table, praying we could get along for this, praying she wouldn't be in the same shitty mood she was in last week.

"Hey," she greeted as I pulled out a chair.

"Hey," I said, sitting down across from her.

We sat in awkward silence. She tried to smile at me. I wasn't sure how to start this. When was the last time we actually tried to talk?

"Hi, I'm Angie," the server greeted, turning towards me. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"Just a water, thanks," I nodded with a smile.

Smiling at the server was a lot easier than smiling at Camila. Angie nodded and walked off, leaving Camila and I to more awkwardness.

"So... Are you still working construction?" She asked.

"Mhm," I nodded. "And you're still office manager at the bank?"

"I actually got moved up to assistant vice president of security and deposits," she said, tapping her fingers against her leg. "It's hopefully going to lead into actually being the VP when the current one is ready to retire."

"Nice," I nodded. "Sounds like you're making your way up."

"Totally," she said, darting her eyes away and sighing. "I'm sorry it's awkward. I don't know how to not be awkward."

"Neither do I," I shrugged, thanking the server as she set a glass of water in front of me.

"I know I have a tendency to... Take over," she said, picking up one of her many notebooks and opening it up. "And I don't want to do that. Not when it comes to Rowan, I just... I want him to be happy."

"I know you do," I said. "So do I."

"I know you do," she said, giving me a less strained smile. "Look, that meeting was a wake-up call for me. I love Rowan so much and I feel like my loving has been a little overwhelming for him," she said, her voice cracking a little. "Which I never meant to do. I just..."

"I know," I said quickly. I understood. She wasn't supposed to be able to have kids, it was something that she really struggled with and so when she found out she was pregnant with Rowan, it was an even bigger deal to her.

Her entire pregnancy we were both scared of something going wrong because she had so many female issues, the doctor was worried she wouldn't be able to carry him full term. The little guy showed up two months early and the next several weeks we practically lived at the hospital while he was in newborn ICU. It was the most terrifying time of my life but bringing him home was even more special after that, even with the oxygen tank that had to come with him.

"Right, I know you know," she said, waving her hand dismissively although her tone implied it was a bigger deal than she wanted me to notice. "I just feel bad that I haven't been a better mother. I think I let our stuff get to me too much but that shouldn't matter because you're his dad," she shrugged. "You're his dad and whatever our shit is, it doesn't need to be affecting him and I hate that it has. So, can we just try to approach this as tentative acquaintances with the potential to be friends and leave the other stuff out of it?"

"I can work with that," I nodded. "As long as you're not going to be mad at me for trying to get more time. Because I'm not going to stop trying."

"I know you're not," she said, swallowing hard. "And I guess... I guess I was being unfair to you and to Rowan both. If he wants to see you more and the counselor thinks it's fine then he should be able to see you more. I'm sorry for reacting to it so badly, I just," she paused, setting her head in her hand. "It's another one of those things I'm realizing is overloving him. Or, not, over-loving but more, helicopter momming him," she said, rolling her eyes. "I never meant to do that, I hope you know. I just get a lot of pressure from his teachers and my parents about how to raise him and... It doesn't matter," she said, shaking her head.