The Fault in our Balls

Love is Cruel

Dedicated to Kat, our pet dog. We'll miss you buddy and you will always be a good boy.

Balls tied up like a noose on a cold winter evening; I strained to free myself from her holy grasp. Now you may be thinking. How did I get into this situation... well it all started when I met HER.

...

She was a beauty; gothic, yet wore her heart on her sleeves. Her balls dangled out... they really stunk. She also kind of looked like an NFT of a monkey smoking marujauna. But I could get past that, for her. I would do anything for her. I worshiped her even more than I worshiped my own mother, or for that matter, our Lord and Savior P.G. for that matter she enjoyed expensive things, things like lifelike balls she would use to decorate her home with, it's what I loved about her. She was so creative and quirky (she loved hyping herself up through joke fics) she often read sexy first with her boyfriend Peter G I loathed Peter G the bastard, we all went to college together he stole my girl Gertrude right from under my nose, of course I was high on methamphetamines but That's beside the point mm methamphetamine tasted like a summer morning, just like her delicious ballsacks. I never got over the drug, I was drunk on her love I never did meth again she made me feel the way methamphetamine did but maybe that's bad idk. That was a true symbol of what Gertrude would do to me later... the hell she raised. Alongside that bastard, Peter G. She did cheat on him alot but she'd never do that with me cause I'm too nice and really smoking hot (sexy) lie. When I was growing up I used to be bullied because of my name Sandy because it was spelled wrong not because it's a girls name. My full name was Sandy Cheeks cause my cheeks were so sandy; representative of the fat ass I pulled around with me. When I entered a room, my juicy cheeks would come in 10 minutes later! Cause they are so round and voluptuous. Though Gertrude never noticed, I worked years to get my ass juicy for her but she enjoyed Peter G's boobs more than my beautiful ass. Anyways the big party was on Friday the one where I'd stand up to Peter G and get my girl, we had a ping pog battle of the death Gertrude was all like "Nooo don't fight over me ;)" she enjoyed the excitement which made me mad because this is serious and she's just being horny I'm so horny so me and Peter G made out without her but 4 years later we're married. Me and Gertrude not Peter G he's just a close family friend now and he's kind of hot a insy bit because of his large double D cup boobies wowza boing boing . I suspect she's cheating on me, last night she went to bed with me but she was making a lot of noise and moving around I turn over to find another man, having sex with her, but I can't be too sure about what I saw, maybe she was just wrestling with a man I've never met. I was really frightened to the point where I peed myself an insy bit. The pee smelt like old gatorade found in the back of a greasy old man's refrigerator. My girl looked over, noticing the overwhelming stench of my pee that slicked up the bed to the point where the culprits fell out. On tBSAHAHAhe floor, Gertrude or whatever her name is and .... HIM. I fumed angry and peed off absolutely browned myself because of how angry I was. I sobbed pee tears went to bed crying while they continued having hot steaming BDSM kinky sexual intercourse on the bed. My pants filled with brown; I threw the adult diaper at the man on the floor... None other than Peter G. "PETER G??? BUT WHY" I cried out, he just giggled "hehe me maky oopsie whoopsie sorry I fucked your wife" he squealed out I said "NOT AGAIN! YOU RASCAL!!" I chased him out with a broom and a broken buttplug with a little bit of brown particles on it like you would with a rat or a cat such as in hit cartoon show, "Tom and Jerry", CHAPTER 2- I WAS SO MAD I WENT OUT TO A BAR AND HAD UNPROTECTED BDSM SEX WITH A DOMINATRIX SHE WAS REALLY MEAN AND WHOOPED MY BUM WITH POO ON ITI was so mad I went out to a bar and had unprotected bdsm sex with a dominatrix she was really mean and whooped my bum with poo on it and it didn't make me feel better, I went home to find Gertrude changed the locks, I cursed at our Lord and Savior " P.G" and curled up on the porch mat like a dog and fell asleep with poo all over me. It really stunk like her ball sweat... man, I miss her really badly. I tinkled a little at the thought of her. I knew she'd come (like I had already did in my stinky pants)crawling back though, because she likes my stinkyness and when she did I wouldn't take her back. The next day she woke me up with coffee and pancakes with a familiar stench she wanted me back and like the mature adult I was I took her back of course Peter G was at breakfast slapping my voluptuous cheeks and I came a little I played with his balls a little. They stunk pretty bad, but not as bad as my sexy Gertrudes did. Hers could be smelt over the delicious breakfast she was baking that had methamphetamine in it. When she went to the bathroom Peter G absolutely wrecked my ass and I pissed so hard all over the eggs it tasted like deviled eggs with mustard and he jazzed on my sausages. Suddenly, Peter G. turned into a God at the sight of me. He turned into PETER G! Peter Griffin 4:20"In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."Peter Griffin 69:69 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Our Lord and Holy Savior P.G. was right in front of my face, I can't believe it! PETER G! just had hot goth sex with me, his pecs were immaculate and his nips popping outta his shirt, Gertrude came out of the bathroom like a dirty skank with a belt with beads on it so it extra hurt and left mental scars and semi-permanant scars that I will never forget about, I can't believe I was in love with that hot mess. He was so much hotter than her, long flowing locks out of his huge armpits beautiful beard sexy lips not the ones you're thinking of ;), but the weird thing was he had a furry tail and I was like he's never had that before and I couldn't see a string or anything that would attach it to His body that's When I realized it was a buttplug I gasped "dirty dog what a scoundrel!" I flirted with him I put my hand over my heart and recited the pledge of allegiance and he scooped me up and flew me to heaven which was like Brian griffins everywhere and fire hydrants to pee on. I woke up, with a banana flavored popsicle in my mouth a pee stains in my adult diaper it was all a dream I look and see my beautiful wife Gertrude how could I ever doubt her but then I see Peter G giving her head under the blankets fuck, thats kind of hot I thought. So I joined in by sucking on Peter Griffin's massive walnut sized perfect nipples but then Peter G just starting sexing me instead via through instagram live "GODAMNIT YOU ALWAYS DO THIS" Gertrude shouted going to sleep on the couch "so now that she's gone ;)" Peter G was so hot with his beautiful absolutely wrecked pecs and MASSIVE columbian sized nipples. But then, I suddenly woke up... this time with a orange flavored popsicle in my mouth... but wait, no one ever eats the orange flavored ones over the other amazing flavours unless theyre a joke to society and british!!! I cried... "its a neverending nightmare"then I awoke I was on set I remembered we were filming a movie titled "Spiderman: No Balls Home" Gertrude wasn't my wife this was all a film the director was so fucking mad at me I fall asleep on set a lot and when I do he slaps my very normal sized to flat sized ass Andrew Garfield was my actual wife, how could I forget that shaking my head I slapped my own ass, surprisingly having no brown filling up my cracks, for the director to get him off my my back Andrew was on set he served the divorce papers cause he caught me cheating with the actor who played Peter G his real name was Peter Griffin and he was really hot "please andy" he got so mad I called him andy he punched me dead, I woke up in a hospital and he was really hot. And(he was really hot)rew was there "you forgot this" it was the divorce papers damn! I thought I had dodged a really hot bullet. Andy was gone WAIT NO HES COMING BACK HE HEARD MY THOUGHTS NO PLEASE ANDY- ANDREW He punched me so silly and hard I entered the fourth dimension and astral projected and ascended to the Lord and Savior. HOLY SHIT! I said in a southern accent cause I had a quirky southern draw. I was so quirky tehe hoho haha. His beautiful blue orbs stared into my soul. My sister thinks you can make bread out of vagina yeast I thought to myself as i took a sip of southern style root beer that I pretended was real beer cause it made me feel like a grown-up hehe. And poured water into the cup acting as if it were shots and I got SUPER wasted I reentered our plane of existence to find Peter G by my side epic but also really gay and Zendaya was there and said she wanted a divorce also, stupid dumb- actually I can't be mad at zendaya Our Lord and Savior would strike me down and hang me by the balls otherwise mmmm balsamic chicken is really goodAnd this is what happens when two enemies to friends to lovers meet on a dull January night. And then harry potter showed up and expectod my protronus;)The end