The Soulmate

Chapter-4

"Take off from work early today. There are some people coming to see you."

I was having my breakfast after getting ready to leave for work, when Mummy's words caused my hand on the spoon to halt midway. I looked up at her, but said nothing.

"And don't even think about wearing that horrendous turban of yours!" Mummy exclaimed with a hint of disgust, referring to my very basic and subtle hijab wearing style.

"Did that Quran teacher of yours put you up to this?" She paused in the middle of her breakfast to shoot me a deathly glare. I, who had been silently suffering this assault for the past week finally spoke in my teacher's defence.

"Of course not!" I cried out in shock but she paid no heed to my protest.

"People look at everything! They take everything into consideration! If you're so obsessed about Parda then do it after marriage!" Mummy interjected furiously and I still kept my head down.

It had been half a year since that Sarim incident. And I had gone through countless proposals since then. It was all really pushing me to the brink of insanity. Sitting through all these pointless proposals was bad enough on its own, but the absolute worst was my parents insistence in considering some proposal they thought to be the best for me. More than anything else, I would find that to be the hardest and most painful part. I would sit on the prayer mat begging Allah to turn it away from me with khair o aafiya, if it wasn't the one written for me. As always, Allah SWT would answer my prayers.

And suddenly one day, 2 weeks ago, when it had all become too much and unbearable for me, I finally gave in. I realised then, that the reason everything was turning into such a mess was because I was trying to create a middle path between Allah's commandments and my own Nafs' desires. The truth was, that I hadn't completely submitted to Allah's will. I was only obeying Allah in matters that were convenient for me and used my own sense of wisdom in matters where I wished to avoid doing things as per Allah's commandments.

But that's where I and so many like me went wrong. We can't pick and choose from religion. The main reason for our sufferings was that we placed our own desires above Allah's will. When, the actual meaning of Islam was, 'submission to the will of Allah'. Which encompassed our every single thought and action. And unless I did that, I would forever stay as lost and helpless, as I was now and would never be able to attain true success, happiness and peace in Dunya or Akhirah. And that's exactly what Allah SWT mentioned for us in Quran.

"O you who have believed, enter into Islam completely [and perfectly] and do not follow the footsteps of Satan. Indeed, he is to you a clear enemy." (Quran 2:208)

So, I gave up something that was very beloved to me and even harder to stand up for. All in exchange for His will and pleasure, which was slowly but surely becoming dearer to me than anything and everything this world had to offer.

"Don't you understand that you've crossed 24 already! Do you see the kind of proposals you're getting?! The good ones reject us—and then these few are the ones which are worth considering but they too reject you because of this hijab you've started!" Dad added angrily, referring to the last 2 proposals since I started hijab, which I didn't like in the first place.

"Before you barely wore proper clothes. And now this—" Mummy grumbled which was seconded by Dad. I clenched the muscles of my neck to stop myself from saying anything in response.

'Don't even say uff--You can't even say uff, Musfirah.' I kept reminding myself through hot and angry tears pooling in my eyes.

"You need to walk together with the world—Why do you always have to be so extreme? The world is going to shun you if you continue this way. We are only saying this for your benefit." He said finally and left the table.