Language of Love|| Minchan

Chapter 4

Minho's Pov

I think that school is stressful for everyone. I don’t think a single person on this planet had never been stressed about school, especially at the higher levels. The fear that everything you’re doing is just going to go to waste, that you’re not good enough, that you’re just going to fail. All of those worries fall onto you, especially right at finals week.

It was late, and I was studying for my finals. That’s all I had been focused on for the past two weeks. I needed to make sure I passed my classes with nothing less than a B. This psychology class was kicking my ass, though. None of it made any sense. Memorizing the anatomy of a neurotransmitter was something that I knew that I was never going to need again. But I had to take the stupid class for my humanities credits.

I wanted nothing more than to just stop and forget everything. I would occasionally find myself fantasizing about running off into the middle of nowhere and living my life with you off the grid. But I knew that it wasn’t possible nor realistic. The only thing that I could do to ensure a good and happy life was to keep studying.

Going over the material again and again and again, I was growing increasingly frustrated. I groaned and pulled at the ends of my hair, hoping to alleviate some of the stress that had made its home in my brain. I leaned back in my chair with a sigh, getting too worked up over a worksheet that I hadn’t been able to complete for the past two days.

That’s when I heard my bedroom door open. I turn around, seeing my boyfriend's oh-so-familiar figure standing there in the doorway. “Are you okay? I could sense your annoyance from the living room,” you chuckled.

“I’m fine,” I replied, pressing my lips together. “Just this studying sucks.”

“Why don’t you take a break. You’ve been studying all week… and last week too! You can take a break,” you suggested, walking further into my room. You sat down on the bed next to my desk, looking over all the work I had in front of me.

“I wish I could, Channie. But I need to make sure that I do good. I’m almost failing these classes. I have to keep studying.”

“Just for a little bit? Just lay down and cuddle with me for like, five minutes,” you asked, plopping your back down on the bed, raising your arms to make grabby hands at me.

While I thought that you were nothing less than adorable, I needed to keep the focus on my studies. “I can’t. I promise after my finals, I’ll give you all the attention you need. But for right now, I need to study.” I grew more irritated by the second, secretly wishing you’d just leave and let me go back to studying. I loved you, but this was important for me.

“But if I were Jisung…” you muttered under your breath. You said it so quietly, I’m sure you didn’t mean for me to hear it, but unfortunately, I did.

I turned around in my chair to face you in shock. “But what?” I questioned, making sure I heard you right. I didn’t want to believe that you would stoop so low as to compare yourself so selfishly.

“Nothing.”

“No. You said something. What did you say?” I asked, wanting you to say it out loud. You knew that what you said wasn’t right. That’s why you didn’t want to repeat it.

You groaned loudly, now getting annoyed at me. Sitting up on the bed and looking at me with daggers in your eyes, you responded, “Damn it, Minho. I said, ‘but if I were Jisung’.”

“Why would you say that?” I asked, shaking my head in disbelief at the statement. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. That you would actually say something like that. Never in our five years has your jealousy got that big.

“Because you and I both know that if I were Jisung, you’d be in this bed cuddling together like you always do. He has you wrapped around his finger and can get you to do whatever he wants, but when I ask the same thing, you tell me that it makes you uncomfortable or you can’t.”

I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces. “Channie… I-”

“No. Tell me why. Tell me why you’re so willing to cuddle up to him at night when he wants you to, but you won’t when I ask you to?”

This wasn’t the first time we’ve had this argument. But it seemed like you never understood, no matter how much I explained my side of things. “I’ve told you millions of times already. He and I are close friends. We’ve been friends since preschool! After being with each other for so long, we’re bound to be close like that!”

“So what? Five years isn’t long enough for you? Five years with me, and you’re still not comfortable enough with me to at least hug me? Am I really asking too much? I just want the same affection that you give your so-called friend.”

That crossed the line. “So-called friend? Do you really have that little trust in me? How many times have I told you that we’re just friends? Always have and always will. Why can’t you get that through your thick skull?”

“Oh, I'm sure that you're just friends. Definitely. At least you are when I'm around.”

“You're being ridiculous. What are you talking about?”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing from you. Was the truth finally coming out? Have you always felt this way about my and Jisung’s relationship? Or were you just starting to overthink things? Whatever the reason was, you were being delusional, and I didn’t know how to prove that to you.

“You know exactly what I mean,” you snarled angrily, implying precisely what I thought you were.

“I really don’t, Chan. What has gotten into you, for fuck’s sake? Where is all of this coming from?”

“Because I just want the same attention that you give to your friend. I, your boyfriend, want to have the same relationship that you and your friend have.”

Now, I was pissed. I wasn’t going to let you shit all over my lifelong friend just because you were insecure and overly needy. “You do this every time. You take all your frustration out on Jisung because you’re jealous of something that doesn’t even exist. And how is that supposed to make me feel? I feel like shit because then I start worrying that I’m not treating you right, even if all I really live for is pleasing you. You are the one reason I’m still trying as hard as I am right now. If I didn’t have you, God knows where I’d be. But then you do this shit, and should I really be trying as hard as I am? If all you’re going to do is worry about a friend that I’ve had since I was fucking four years old, should I put in half as much effort as I am? Do you really deserve it?”

I felt more than relieved to get all of that off of my chest. It felt like a thousand pounds had been lifted off my shoulders, and I could breathe again.

“So, what are you saying?” You asked bluntly, not giving me much of a response.

I squeezed my eyes together and shook my head, knowing exactly where this was going. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t. It’s too much, and you’re not making it any better,” I explained, pressing my lips together.

“You’re fucking selfish is what you are,” you spat. After that, I couldn’t take it. I stood up out of the chair and stormed out of the room. I needed to leave and get as far away from you as possible for the night. I didn’t know where I was going to go, but I wasn’t going to stay in the apartment where the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with currently hated my guts.

And that was it… five years of my life gone like that. Three minutes of choice words and everything we had built together in five years flushed down the drain.

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Word Count: 1417 Words