Finding Myself

Chapter 1

"You stupid brats. Why can't any of you do anything? Why do use all have to be so useless?" Our orphanage director is yelling loudly from downstairs. She is angry that no one has been adopted for the last 6 months. Most of us orphans have 2 rules we need to follow. Those rules are very simple and necessary for our survival. The first rule, do whatever we can to avoid the orphanage director. And the second rule, look out for yourself. These rules have kept everyone alive so far that have followed them. I learned the rules the hard way. 

Currently I am waiting in a hole in the floor in my room. I managed to dig a hole in my floor, under the bed and whenever I need to hide without anyone finding me, I pull a carpet over the top of the hole. I spend a lot of my time in the dark, away from everyone. I usually come out only at night. Every once in a while I come out during the day, but that is to let everyone know that I still live in the house. 

"Where is everyone? You'd better make sure that I don't get my hands on any of you!" The director continues screaming downstairs. I roll my closed eyes, and drift back to sleep. The only reason any of us orphans had been adopted, was because of the neighbouring country, and that's because they needed to test experiments. We are at war with our neighbour, and the village we live in is half on the border. Our village happened to be an unfortunate half village, that neither side saw as theirs, which in other words meant that neither side protected us, and both sides tried destroying us. The go between was both lords from either side, who were both angry that they didn't get much money from living in a place that was continuously raided. They had both decided to sell the orphans. 

Everything had been going splendidly for both sides until they realised that the other lord was doing the same thing as them. Soon enough the orphanage director started auctioning us off to the highest bidder, earning heaps. However that all stopped when both lords sent assassins after the other and they both ended up dying. One died from a maid poisoning him, and the other died by being stabbed to death multiple times by his own son, who had been hired by the other side. When you can be as invisible as me, you can hear a lot of information. Especially the dying noises of those people being murdered in the middle of the night when you are sneaking in to get some food. 

"Ahh!" A scream echoes through the halls and I sigh. Poor kid got caught by the director. By the sound of the voice, I would guess that it is Lina. She will probably be thrown into the wood shed and starved for the next few days. For her, this is probably the worst thing she could ever have had happen to her. However she probably has no idea that there can be worse things done. Or maybe she thinks that being sold is the worst thing that could happen to her. I don't know her that well.  As long as someone doesn't know another person, then you can't get close to them, which means you can look after yourself. 

I send a small prayer that she will be fine. Even though I pray, I don't believe in God. No, that's wrong. I don't want to believe in God. If he was real, and really saw all of us as his children, then how come so many of us had to suffer, even dying from that suffering? Sure, they may be trials, but why would he let those trials kill us? He has the power to fix things, but he doesn't, so I would rather believe that he didn't exist. At least then I can think that things happen, and that it isn't because someone wants to see all these sufferings, or because someone is just too lazy to help. There are many other thoughts along those lines, but I hate thinking about this subject, so I'm going to think about anything but this right now. This topic was pretty painful, considering one of the people who had adopted me used to believe so strongly in God. She had been such a lovely lady. I had been with her for only a few months before she suddenly disappeared and her body was found later.