A girl who has a steeze so unmatched that she's hated for it. Her entire life she has been looked at as an outcast yet seemed so like-able to the ones who understood where she was coming from. A young woman born and raised in Los Angeles, California...
I never used to notice when boys in school had a crush on me it showed just a tiny bit of interest in me. I always thought I was too ugly, too fat, or too much of a tomboy for any boy to ever like me in that way. My cousins used to tease me calling me those names which made me believe I actually was ugly, fat, and a boy. By the age of 12 I fell into a depression which I didn't realize was a depression until I got older and reflected. I had an older girl cousin who used to get all the attention from boys since we were younger and it made me think I was just not likable. I never thought I would ever get a boyfriend until I got to college or something.
Since the age of 12 I had met this group of people online via Instagram & Twitter. I was the youngest of the group yet again, everyone else being ages 14+. I noticed people within the group starting to "find love" with others from the same group. I was always happy for them though because I still had a little hope I held onto, plus I was still really young.
In the 8th grade I had my first crush on a boy who I was good friends with. At my school everyone knew each other and we were all friends with each other, for the most part. This boy and I shared our first class of the day together where we would sit next to each other and talk every single day. We began texting each other via iMessage then eventually would FaceTime each other. One day I heard from a friend of mine that he was doing the same thing with one of my other friends. At this point, the other girl knew I had a crush on him but didn't know I knew they were talking to each other on that level.
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That's me wearing his backpack while talking to the girl. She would ask me questions to try and get some kind of info out of me but I never cared enough about her getting upset because she knew I liked him but tried talking to him anyway. She was always in drama as well, I kept my distance from her and just kept doing what I was doing, my the best one win type shit.
By the end of my 8th grade year, the boy ended up getting into a relationship with one of the more popular girls at my school. I didn't let it show that it affected me but I was a bit hurt by it because I was positive he would be my boyfriend. I said fuck it and moved on with my life.
I then got to high school. 9th grade year was one of the worst years of my life. I ended up meeting this boy in one of my english classes who I thought was pretty cute. From the first day I saw him I just knew we were gonna end up talking to each other, whether it'd be friends or boyfriend & girlfriend.
I had transferred schools, making me the new girl in class. A couple days later another new girl came into our class. The three of us all became friends and would talk to each other everyday. Eventually, the boy and I had began talking to each other on a flirtatious level. We'd text all day after school then speak when we seen each other at school. I had became friends with the new girl and I would tell her everything the boy and I would talk about. She knew how much I liked this boy and that we were sort of a thing.
There would be some days where the boy and the other girl would go days without speaking to each other but whenever I'd ask her she would brush it off like it was nothing. They'd eventually get back to speaking terms some days later.
There was one day when she was mad at him and gave me her phone to look at some of the messages they had sent to each other. I scrolled up a little bit and there it was.
"I like you a lot."
"I like you too."
Words he had never said to me but clear as day, said to her. I almost dropped her phone trying to hand it back to her, I was pissed. I'm pretty sure she seen it all over my face, I just walked away.
Even after seeing this I was young and dumb, still talking to him while knowing they had something going on. I was keeping my distance from her though, would only see her when we had class together not saying much.
The end of the semester had came, it was time to start summer break. I had kept in contact with him for an entire month after school let out until one day he just stopped texting me back. I asked the girl why he had stopped talking to me seeing if she could get an answer out of him for me. She said she didn't have a clue. A couple days later, I see her posting pictures and videos with him.
I was a mess. I didn't know how to react to seeing that. It sent me into a depression all over again. It might not have seemed like such a big deal but in that moment I thought to myself, it happened again. I found the girl to be prettier than me, feeling like looks is what grabbed his attention. I went back to school and my grades were terrible all because I was stressed over some little boy. I thought I had a friend but she turned out to be a hoe that would do anything for some dick.
