the world from the side of the moon.

chp. 10

dear .

there are people who love high school. you can ask them about it and they'll response without hesitation. "those were the best four years of my life!"

those people are either a) lying, b) insane, or c) didn't have to try to get into college.

i don't remember signing up for a soul-crushing-insanely-competitive-back-stabbing high school, yet here i am. clubs have corrupt executive boards, AP and honors students are willing to kill in order to maintain a perfect GPA, and you have no friends. you can have friends, but when it comes to grades, or clubs, you're on your own- everyone man for themselves.

but what's the point? what's the fucking point?

you work hard for four years. you get into college. you work hard for ____ years. you get a job. you work. you die. if having a family and getting married is your thing, then throw that in there, too. is that really all there is? a cycle of work, always leading to something you're not even sure is worth it. fun!!!

what's the point of ivy leagues?
none of us are going to be able to find jobs anyway, so is all that extra stress worth it? the panic attacks, and anxiety, and depression that comes with going to an ivy can't possible pay off. unless you end up making a million dollars a day or something, i can't imagine why destroying your mental health would ever be worth it.

high school is all about back-stabbing, and being the best- i fucking hate it. maybe that's because i'm mediocre, and my dreams are stupid, and i'm going to end up working a dead-end-go-nowhere-job. my friends have hopes of ivy leagues, and high paying jobs. i hope they get what they want in the end, but i doubt they will. not everyone can get into their dream school, or get their dream job, or live their dream life. life doesn't work like that, but life is fair because it's unfair to all of us.

i entered high school with high hopes. straight a's, getting moved up to all honors courses, being good at things. quickly I realized how hard it would be to actually get all a's, or to get moved up. it's a ton of work that is never truly rewarded. some people end up being rich, even though they only finished high school. some people end up with a terrible job, and they went to Harvard, or Yale, or Princeton. college can make a difference, of course, but the way schools portray its importance is deceiving.

another thing that pisses me off about my high school, but probably applies to the majority of high schools, if not all of them- TEACHERS TEND TO SUCK.

i am honestly convinced that my English teacher is mentally insane. apparently she once thought out this whole project, and was convinced she had assigned it to one of her classes. i can imagine the looks on the students' faces when she asked them to hand in this project that had never existed. she tries to be fair or whatever so i'll give her some credit, but damn this women is insane 99.99% of the time. she unteaches, and my writing has gotten worst this year. my style feels off, my grammar sucks, and my creativity is dead. thanks ms english teacher!!!!

people complain about Spanish teachers, bio teachers, AP Lang teachers, alg 2 teachers, english honors teachers... even level one students aren't safe. the teachers are all either easy or insane, and i don't know which option is worse. the easy teacher sends students to higher level classes even though the student is not prepared at all. the insane teacher is just insane, there's no words to describe these teachers.

they're the teachers that literally cause their students to have mental breakdowns, to go home and cry. to question themselves and their self worth and intelligence when it's not even our fault.

"you never pay attention in class, this is why you have the grade you have." "you should've managed your time better, you knew you'd be going on that band/orchestra/choir/MUN/OM/(any club you can think of) trip." "i went over this in class, it's not my fault you didn't understand the material." there are teachers that will look you right in the eye and smile as they hand back tests with bright red 60's, 50's, 40's in the top corner. they do not care that you're failing their class. in their mind, it's not their fault.

"BUT THEY'RE THE TEACHER, ISN'T IT THEIR JOB TO TEACH US?" ((shoutout to my lunch table because i've ranted about my teachers practically everyday, and probably said these exact words one million times))

"Well you're an honors student, they expect you to learn the majority of the material on your own. If you have a problem with the course, feel free to drop down a level." everyone's response. apparently being in honors means i should already know everything when i enter the room. that i can't complain about a useless teacher, or a hard class, or unrealistic expectations. if i have a problem, it can easily be solved by dropping down. now i'm not bashing level one, since i have half honors classes and half level one, but i do not want to drop my honors classes. the stigma surrounded level one in my school is insane. level one isn't stupid. it's not. but after just one year of high school, even i have trouble believing that those words are true.

signed,
i can't take 3 more years and 8 days of this shit.

6.5.15