"One day you will wake up and all of a sudden the weight of the last few weeks, months or even years will be lifted off your shoulders. You can't control when that day comes, all you can do is stay strong and trust that it is coming."
***
"Often when I'm alone I think of everything that happened to me over the years. Good and bad. And before Robert came into my life there were more bad than good days. I would put my happy face on and act like I was happy but deep down I was a mess. No one could read me, no one could see that I wasn't okay. Even after therapy I wasn't okay. Everyone had someone and I was alone. Alone with my thoughts in the apartment that was even more depressive than I was. So I moved to a new one. Started from the scratch and never looked back. I focused on work and my friends. That's how I became captain. One good thing. " Andy started her speech she needed to give to her therapist and Robert.
It was the session where the therapist required Robert's presence. Andy spent weeks with the therapist alone and it was giving the results but at home Andy was more frustrated and she was finding herself arguing with Robert more often than she wanted. But he wasn't the guy who would give up on anyone, especially someone he loves so much. He knew she was just wanted to get the anger out of her so he let her do her thing.
"And then Robert came to the station and my life changed completely. Another good thing happened." She looked at Robert, took his hand in hers and smiled lightly. "I didn't want to admit to anyone but I liked him. The first day he joined and introduced himself to all of us. His deep voice, his figure, his serious look... Everything was just wow. I was in awe. I still am. I still find myself looking at him and wonder how he is really mine." As she got closer to the part about Robert she started squeezing his hand tighter. With other hand she brushed her tears from her cheeks and took the paper back to her hand to continue partially looking at the paper, partially looking at Robert.
Robert wanted to say something but the therapist didn't let him. Andy wasn't finished and he just wanted to hug her and never let her go. He hated seeing her cry.
"We started living our dream. It's was forever for me since the first moment we talked alone, I knew I wanted him. We can always control what is going to happen. The pregnancy was a big surprise. Not because I didn't want kids with him, I wanted to give him babies. It was bad timing but I made it right and I loved that baby more than anything. I knew I was stubborn as hell and he knew I would want to work until I can. I don't blame you for anything, Robert. I don't even blame myself, anymore. Once again I needed to let go and I did. For you, for me, for the baby I lost and the baby we lost."
At this point Robert didn't even realize the tears were streaming down his cheeks. He deeply had the urge to hug Andy and he was waiting for her to finish her speech.
"I won't finish this speech by saying I'm sorry and I love you because you know all of that." Andy lightly smiled with her eyes full of tears, took his other hand in hers, her hands were tiny comparing to his and said last sentence she wanted to say.
"You are my home, the love of my life, my rock, my other half and I can't live without you."
Robert finally got to hug her. Andy buried her face into the crock of his neck and sobbed for some time. He kept caressing her back and just hold her. After they separated Robert placed both of his hands on her cheeks and pulled her for a kiss. After kissing her lips, he kissed each cheek and the top of her nose.
"Okay, my turn." He needed to say a few things too. "I didn't know you need to give a speech too." Andy was confused. "I don't and I won't. It's just a few things since you said it all." He chuckled.
