Blue And Grey || KTH

chapter 1

Taehyung let out a soft sigh of despair as he stared at the blank screen in front of him. He cradled his face in his hands. Every song he had worked on for his mixtape in the past four months was now in the garbage. Taehyung didn't want Namjoon and Yoongi to say that the songs were good. He didn't want good enough; he desired perfection. It had to be perfect, nothing less.

He had to do well, he had to make this a success. This was supposed to be something that people would talk about for a long time. He was attempting to demonstrate a completely new side of his musicality, demonstrating how he could combine his two favorite genres: jazz and ballad, into one masterpiece.

This is supposed to be Kim Taehyung's mixtape, with songs and lyrics from his real life, outside of Kpop. The Kim Taehyung, who came from Geochang in search of a way to express himself. He didn't want it to be from V of BTS, but the real Kim Taehyung.

But the longer he took to release this mixtape, the higher the expectations became.

Taehyung used to do the same thing as Jungkook and release successful song covers, but over time he stopped. Jimin has been releasing dance videos, while Seokjin has been releasing singles more frequently, and what was he up to?

Nothing.

Everyone in the vocal line worked extra hard because they couldn't do as many album productions as the rappers.

Taehyung was the one who was the most excited when the management announced that each member would get their own studio to use to work on their own music. As much as he enjoyed sharing a space with the other vocalists, he desired to create his own space with creative freedom.

Personalize it for himself.

He, like everyone else, believed that having his own space that matched his energy would allow him to write songs as quickly as Namjoon, who could write lyrics in less than an hour, or Yoongi, who randomly composes chart-topping tunes just because he was 'bored.' It didn't work out that way, judging by the crushed balls of paper on the floor and the chunk of music files in the trash.

Sitting back up, he sighed and threw his head back, staring aimlessly at the ceiling, hoping for inspiration to strike him out of nowhere.

"What should I do, Halmeoni?" He pondered. Taehyung had been grieving his grandmother's death for three years and was still not over it. He yearned for her. He missed her so much.

Her warm embraces and head pats. She always knew exactly what to say. He truly missed her a lot.

He took his phone out, to check the time and stare at his phone's background. He had recently changed it to a photo of her, feeling guilty the other day for not thinking of her as much as he should have, the reason for this was due to how busy he had been.

Of course he hadn't forgotten. But, between comebacks, schedules, practices, and meetings, he hadn't even had time to go visit her grave, like he usually did. It was quite ironic. When he first started, he made a promise to himself that he would always prioritise family over everything else. Even so, he couldn't make it for her last goodbye when she died. He put on a fake smile, and put the happiness of others ahead of his own, and walked on that stage.

She spent her entire life caring for him and left before he could say goodbye or I love you. The day she left was also the day Blood, Sweat, and Tears won its first award. Taehyung still believes it was her last gift from to him.

He tried hard not to break down in front of the ARMYs and worry them. He hadn't even told the members until the show had ended and they were on their way back to their hotel.

Maybe she wanted to see him smile, for her final day on earth to be remembered as a day of celebration rather than mourning.

Taehyung clenched his fists and squeezed his eyes shut, dropping his phone. He recalled the mix of emotions he felt when his father informed him of her death. Yes, he was depressed. But he was also angry as well, and he couldn't shake the feeling of betrayal that bubbled up inside him. Why did she feel compelled to leave him while he was in another country?

Didn't she want him to say her final goodbyes? Why did she just leave him when he needed her the most?