The Ghosts of Dearheart: Book V

Chapter 2

The only thing on Tieran's mind was a drink. Holy fucking hell, he needed to drink. As much as he could, as fast as he could, until he couldn't feel anything at all. He didn't register a single greeting or conversation starter as he pushed his body into the Kappa Sigma frat house amidst a sea of other party-goers and made his way over to the drink table, where he carelessly swiped a full bottle of vodka and retreated to the most deserted corner he could find. But as he sat there on some ottoman, fist around the neck of the bottle, all he could do was stare at the wall in front of him numbly. His hand simply wouldn't raise the drink to his lips.

Right. This was what being alone felt like. He remembered now. Feeling like you didn't even exist even when you were the objective center of attention in a room full of people who thought you were awesome. Or maybe he just wished he didn't exist at this point. Fuck this house. Fuck this school. Fuck Chipton, and fuck Washington. Hell, fuck Earth, and all the people in it. He was just in the middle of having a melancholy fantasy about living alone on the surface of the moon when he felt someone near his shoulder. He refused to look over, intent on ignoring whoever it was. He was in no mood to have some stupid fucking nothing conversation right now.

"Hey, Tieran."

Fay. Tieran didn't see fit to respond.

He could feel her bending over beside him to try and look at his face. "...Are you okay? You look a little...off."

Tieran glanced at her, following her gaze to the vodka bottle dangling between his knees.

Fay frowned, tucking a long strand of blonde hair back behind her ear. "Can I sit with you?"

Tieran didn't have it in him to tell her to fuck off, because his mouth didn't seem able to form words and deep down he knew she didn't deserve that anyway. He didn't react as she sat next to him, the small surface area making their proximity quite close.

"I, um...know this is supposed to be a costume party, but I guess I just didn't feel like dressing up. Maddie was kinda mad at me for it. Seems like most people here didn't, though, so at least I'm not alone."

Tieran wiped a hand over his face and continued staring at the wall. For some reason, he really hated the way she smelled right now. It was probably just some run of the mill perfume, and it was subtle at that, but something about it was just so unpleasantly feminine. "Uh huh," he offered by way of response.

This seemed to encourage as opposed to signal that he didn't want to talk, however. Fay sighed. "But hey, at least it's something to do, right? Things've been pretty boring lately. I think all I've done for the past two days is study."

He didn't really feel like regaling her with what his past two days had been like. "So make Teddy take you out," he uttered monotonously.

Fay cleared her throat. "Teddy and I aren't a thing. We never were. I made sure he knew that."

He didn't know why the fuck she thought he'd care, so he shrugged.

"So is...Hartley here?"

Tieran wanted to crack himself over the head with the vodka bottle in his hand. "No," he replied curtly.

Fay was quiet for a long moment. "Sorry. I guess it's none of my business. You just seem really sad tonight."

Sad really didn't even begin to cover it, but he truly did not care to talk about his feelings with her, or with anyone else. The only person he wanted to talk to wouldn't give him the time of day. It still felt unreal. Unreal that just a few days ago, conversations were nothing but 'I love you's and 'can't wait to see you's, and now suddenly it was just dead air. How he'd slept like a rock in a warm bed with a body pressed against, and now he just laid awake staring at a ceiling all night alone. How his whole life seemed like this fantastic thing, bright like summer sun that he couldn't wait to start, and now it was just a shitty gray winter that he couldn't wait to be over with. He couldn't believe that he'd never have a too-tight hug again, a lingering kiss, a night full of stupid laughter. It felt wrong. Being apart from him just felt so fucking wrong. Unnatural. Like it was flying in the face of something. God fucking damn it, this hurt.