Misery (Spencer Reid x Reader)

Prologue

If I chose you would you want me to be by your side?

If I said anything would you reject my request to stay?

If everything I did meant something to you, why didn't you say something?

I broke too much of my thoughts to have kept myself from understanding you, but the constant push to release my emotions never truly fades. I could never tell you how much you cared and meant to me.

Yet I am way too enclosed to see that I may lose myself in the process. I am your friend, but my feelings were always the same every day.

All the same, on days that were just a nice gesture, I didn't think falling was an option. But I lost too hard to get back to the hole of shine.

I am okay with being friends, but friends will only be who we are. A friend that I could only elaborate on holding on to.

The only friend I have deeply connected with through thick and thin, but a separation of a world on a border of walls.

I know you are my friend, and I will always be there for you, even if we don't see each other anymore.

Yet how am I supposed to be okay to stay companions?

The only touch I could get was the tiny hugs and handshakes. I knew so much about the dislike of others' trust, but if only you knew how much I was hurting, you would see my eyes; however, I keep my head up to stand my ground.

The last thing I ever want is to cry into your arms, to see the hurt within my eyes and the tremble my body has suffered from disclosing an emotion of thought. Love.

~

The thought of cherry blossoms and a walk of red roses made you live like a daydream, where the imagination consisted of fantasies and euphoria—a picture of a little girl who dreams of seeking the pot of rainbows with sparkles and gold. Sadly, the only picture she ever got as time went on was a dark gray cloud, the cloud that rained and thunder.

Think of the happy memories of being with a friend that was only temporary for you. To leave someone always meant to redo a life with faceless people. A faceless person you never connected to or could relate to in any situation. The only true friend was a younger side of yourself. That childhood self you wish you could hold onto longer, but the more you keep holding on, the picture becomes blurry. A vision without symmetry and definition was always a bunch of circles and dots.

If you knew, the only reason we parted was something my old self couldn't understand but growing older, I know to an extent. I was not too fond of the way I lost any connection. I hated we were far apart, but what I hated the most was leaving you behind a fairytale that went with a cliffhanger.

Redoing a past could never be fixed, but a pain far too enormous for anyone to understand. If I could talk to you once last night before leaving, the way your cute little face made me happy until our playdates were over. The way your mom always talked to me, adoring whatever sight we see. Look at your heavy books and your chessboard with an amusing eye. I wish you could see in my eyes how much I missed hanging out with you.

But all of that was gone a long time ago, that far away place we once used to be. Friends. Your only true friend.

Yet you have lived from being buried with your books from different genres all the time. I picked up old and new habits, but nothing changed without you.

I am now growing older; with each passing night, I see the moonshine as the constellation of Lyra appears. The harp-like stars show the creation of beauty.

I stand by the boxes of books filled with our pictures and doodles. A smart cookie like you was still fascinated by the world beyond the whole earth. Yet our chapter was only a tale that never continued. Hopefully, our chapter does start, but we're behind with many blank pages for now.

~

Hello, I want to say that this book goes into the sadder subject. You can think of whatever season Reid you want. Despite this book being more into the more unfortunate parts of reality, some tension may annoy you as it is a close call. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed the prologue!!

-Anne <3