your new boyfriend || wilbur soot angst

after stream

hey, id like to start off by saying thank you for clicking on this to read my first book :)

I wrote this 3 years ago lol

this is a vent fanfic

please be nice as i've never really written for fun before its usually just essays for school.

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It was just a normal day for Wilbur when he finished streaming Minecraft with his friends, he would say they were like family (but don't tell Tommy he said that). He had actually had a lot of fun this stream hanging out with Tommy and tubbo, making jokes and laughing the entire time. He thought about the jokes he'd made and hoped he'd not gone too far. God only knows what he would do if he'd gone too far. That's why he always checked the chat and after the stream he made sure with everyone that he had not hurt anyone's feelings. He decided to message tubbo and tommy to see how they were after the stream but they never replied. They must just be busy, he thought. But you see wilbur is what you would call an overthinker so he kept checking his discord messages every few seconds to see if either of them replied he debated on messaging them again in case they never got the message. He decided against it as that's what his ex told him drove her away.

'why are you breaking up with me?' he said starting to tear up. ' youre so god damn needy. You're always texting me asking me stupid questions that i couldn't care less about. Don't you get it i don't care about you anymore and....i think i've finally found someone else who can actually take care of me and not bother me every 5 seconds like you do!' she said raising her voice at him. It was then that he started to let the tears fall as he realised that she was cheating on him and it was his fault. It was his stupid insecurities and need to keep people he cared about safe. What she didn't know was that every time she left the house he'd have panic attacks thinking about what could happen if he wasn't there. He imagined her in a car wreck, him in the waiting room balling his eyes out as he was told about how she wasn't coming back and that she had passed away. She also didn't know that he text everyone on the smp when these thoughts came to ensure everyone was safe and she didn't know that he would feel sick to his stomach until she text or called him back even if it was to yell at him for 'bothering her every 5 seconds' and the relief that came within just hearing her voice or reading the words that she wrote herself. How even just small things like that really made an impact on how he was. She left, quickly grabbing her remaining things that she had packed discreetly over the past few weeks and walked out the door to her new boyfriend's car, leaving Wilbur alone curled up sobbing in a ball as he heard the door slam shut.

Wilbur hadnt meant to awaken those memories. He quickly shook himself out of the memories that tormented him reminding him that he's not good enough to be loved and that everyone leaves after realising that his pc had a few unopened dms he only opened tommy and tubbos group chat

Wilbur soot

Hey guys i just want to check and make sure everyone is ok

After stream today.

I didn't go to far with any jokes and you weren't uncomfortable

in any way right?

Tubbo

No you're good man i thought it was fun

You good bossman?

Tommy

Nah king you're alright

Are you ok?

I've noticed you look a bit tired recently

He looked at the messages for a few seconds and panicked he cant just tell them something is wrong they'll just leave too and he cant have 2 of the most important people in his life leave so he did what anyone would do. He lied.

Wilbur soot

Yeah i'm fine just been thinking about content ideas

But other than that i'm good

I think i'm gonna go shower and go to bed

Tubbo

Ok, just make sure you take care of yourself then :)

Maybe we can help come up with ideas with you

Tommy

Alright im gonna go to bed too goodnight guys

And tubbos right we can always help if you need it

Wilbur soot

Thanks guys

Goodnight

TW// self harm

He got up from his pc and decided he would actually have a shower but he started thinking about his ex again and he knew there was only one way he could get rid of the thoughts so he picked up the blade that he keeps in his bathroom he looks at his thighs and sees that his scars are beginning to fade and he feels upset but he doesn't know why 'that's a good thing right? Why am I feeling empty?' he looks at his arms covered in his long sleeved shit he wrists and arms still littered with scars some so new that they have only just barely healed you can still see how angry the red was on the scars on his tricep looking in the mirror. He looked away unsure if he wanted to do this he'd made it almost 3 weeks without it but his thoughts won't stop reminding him just how shitty a person he was. He made up his mind and pressed the now slightly warm blade onto his arm gliding it a few times the sweet stinging sensation taking him over and he moved to the other arm soon he completely let the memories slip from his mind as he cleans himself up, and jumped into the shower. He gently cleaned his arms and washed his hair and body. He got out of the shower and put some joggers on and bandaged his arms. He reset his 'i am sober' app and decided he couldn't be bothered putting on a shirt and to be honest it would hurt so he went to bed without a shirt that night hoping his nightmares wont haunt him but of course they did...