The Alpha's True Love

By My Side

I had been in the hospital longer than anticipated, but the doctor finally signed my release papers at the end of two weeks. It was an understatement to say that I was going stir crazy. Julian, his parents, and Amanda came as soon as Dr. Patten okay'ed my release and helped move me out and back into the house, setting me up comfortably in Julian and I's bedroom.

That was five weeks ago. Now I was up and walking around with a little pain depending on what I was doing. I couldn't go jogging or do a lot of standing because it would cause my hip to ache. The stitches on my hip were gone and the ones on my face had slowly fallen out with time. Dr. Patten had done more ultrasounds on the baby, even giving us a picture of our little one. The baby was healthy despite the trauma I'd gone through. I was relieved to hear that. I knew Julian was too. It'd been quietly bothering him since I told him the news.

Due to everything happening in my life, I'd been forced to tell Gloria I had to leave my position with her office. She didn't ever say anything but I could tell my repeated absences were getting frustrating. And with the baby preparations that would be necessary in the near future and needing to visit my parents, I figured it was as good a time as any to leave my job. That didn't mean it wasn't hard or that I don't plan on returning to occupational therapy. Once the baby is born and Julian and I adjust to being parents, I am toying with the idea of opening my own clinic. When I told Julian my idea, he was wary of me treating anymore patients, fearful that there might be another murderous lunatic waiting in the wings. He instead suggested that I treat members of the pack. I laughed out loud when he suggested this. I pointed out that werewolves heal at a supernatural rate. Even if one was injured badly enough to slow the healing process, I doubt they would benefit from my services. My field was meant for humans, not supernatural beasts. We never came to an agreement on my future plans. But that was fine for now. We had time to discuss it. Right now we were focusing on being together more as spouses, and teaching me to take on more Luna duties. I know it made Julian happy to see me working toward the good of the pack. He would tell me often that he was proud of me as a woman and a mate.

That last bit, not the mate part but the woman part, always got me. Ever since the attack, I hadn't been feeling very much like a woman. I felt separated from my body and my femininity. Seeing the scars on my face every day made me feel perpetually ugly. No amount of makeup was going to cover them up. Even if the redness was gone, the raised slashes stood out against my skin. The claw mark that had gone through my mark had healed over though. The mark knitted itself back together on my skin, reuniting the two halves. When I asked Julian about it, he said he didn't know for sure why it happened. His best guess was that the mark is meant to be permanent on a mate's body, therefore nothing can destroy it or ruin its beauty (His words not mine).

There was a faint scar left on my hip and buttock but I could bare that. The only other mark that irked me was the faint nail marks around my right breast from where Macciata had forcefully fondled me. I knew Julian had seen them and tried not to react, but I didn't miss the way his eyes briefly clouded over and his hands twitched. 

We'd had sex once since I got out of the hospital. It was at night with all the lights out and both of us under the sheets. It was nice, and it felt good to reconnect with my mate, but it felt awkward and embarrassing. Almost like what a first time would feel like. When we were done, we'd cuddled and gone to sleep. Julian told me it was good before we fell asleep, but something in my chest panged. The next day he was gone before I woke up. I was disappointed. Part of me wanted him to see my body and tell me what he thought. I wanted to know if my worst fears were true. But on the other hand, I was too afraid to hear what he might have to say. I could tell it bothered him to see the lines marring my body, but he never said anything. He just looked away.

Deep down, I wish we could go back to having sex like we did before. I missed him in so many ways, the sexual way being one of them. But he seemed hesitant. He wouldn't enter the bathroom if I was showering and he would avert his eyes when I was getting dressed. It made me feel ugly and disgusting. My own husband didn't want to oogle me like he used to. I missed that wolfish, animalistic side of him.