the night i met you

sergio williams

I never really understood the concept of love, guys my age just look for someone to "hit and dip" as they call it. It seems like what everyone wants nowadays, I don't want that, but at the same time, I'm absolutely terrified of falling in love. It's not the part of falling but being afraid of losing them or they don't feel the same as I do. 

I have no idea what my nationality is, I lived everywhere growing up, the longest was probably somewhere in England for about 4 years, but we moved away from there when I was 8 so I barely remember any of it. My mom has recently moved back to England and now I'm living in Brooklyn alone. Kind of, my only two "friends" don't include me in anything as much anymore so basically I'm alone. I don't mind it, I never did. My father died in a car accident when I was 16 and after that, my mom never spoke to me or anyone anymore and once I turned 20 she moved away to England. 

"I don't like my name, it sounds like a cat name." I tell my Twitter. I have 3 followers on Twitter but I still just like to post whatever I think about, nobody really sees them anyways. I guess I really am alone, fuck. I don't hate it but I don't like the feeling of being alone. The most daily action I have is probably the homeless crackheads on the subways talking to some imaginary person. Even they have more people than I do. Maybe I should do that, start talking to imaginary people. Eh, Twitter is good enough.

I open up my Instagram and my feed is just pretty pictures of the outdoors, I love the outdoors, I think because since I moved a lot I wouldn't make new friends because I knew id be leaving eventually. I would find a nice forest or trail just to sit and think to myself. I was always a thinker growing up, that probably makes sense why I'm a writer now, well not a big one. I have maybe two books and people don't even know me, it shows by my 3 Twitter followers and 25 Instagram followers, I don't care about that stuff anyways, I write cause it makes me happy and it seems like I'm talking to a person about everything, and followers are dumb anyways, I just post pictures of the sky and outdoors and especially the view from sunset park, its absolutely gorgeous to me. 

I don't make much money from writing so instead I just work at a coffee shop, I know how ironic, a small writer working at a coffee shop. I've been working here ever since my mom just left me here so I've been getting a lot of raises anyways, so I'm making just enough to live.

I go on Twitter once again today and type out something again.

  "I'm so tired of being alone, I need to get out there. I'm twenty-eight, I can't live alone forever.  It's not so easy to find someone now though."