Our Fantasies

But...

A deep sigh escape my lips as I stare at the ceiling of my dimly lit room. The whirling of the air con mixed with the soft and even breathing resonating my silent room.

My free hand going to my head propping my head as my eyes then went to the sleeping figure beside me.

Another sigh escape my lips as I stare at his peaceful face, he was so serene. Sleeping so tranquil like he didn't just clouded my thoughts with his actions and words.

I hear him grunt, he must have felt that I moved making me hold my breathe not wanting to disturb him, he moved closer and wrap his arms around my body like he was afraid to lose me.

He buried his face on my side and my arm that he was using as his very own pillow pulled him closer unconsciously and wrap on his small body. No matter what people say or how much he say he is fat his body seemed so perfect for me. No matter what he is just the perfect size for me to hold and protect.

I see a small smile form in his plump and pinkish lips, he snuggled onto my side as he went and slept. My hand that was holding him close started moving and giving him soothing caress.

Nights like these are nights I don't want to end but at the same time dread, for it would just confuse me further more. Confuse me as to why we act like this but we are nothing but just friends, I'm nothing but his partner may it be on cam or off cam.

We act like we are lovers but in actuality we're not. We are just two individuals that has this undeniable bond and unspoken feelings.

"Sigh..."

"Erd..."

My thoughts were cut as I hear his sleep laced voice and as I look down I see him staring at me. His eyes half open, he rubs his eyes and then look at me again.

"Why are you awake?" I gave him a small smile as I let my hand went to his head and pulled him down and let his head rest on my shoulder, I let my hand went to his head and pat his head hopefully lulling him back to sleep.

"Erd"

"Is something wrong?" I release yet another sigh as I really can't escape his questions now.

"No, go to sleep."

"Why are you up then?"

"Just couldn't sleep."

"You said you were tired earlier."

"Mhm..."

"Then? Tell me honestly Erd you don't have to lie." He said as he pull away from my hold and sat up as he look at me. I sat up too and rest my back on the headboard as I then pull him in my embrace.

I hear him sigh in annoyance but nonetheless let me hug him, I was playing with the ends of his soft hair as I gather my thoughts. He knows I'm forming my words as he waits patiently.

"You know I like you right Mixx?" I feel him stiff for a minute but relax later on.

"I do, and I like you too."

"You know I want you right?"

"And I want you too..."

"But you don't want us to take that next step."

"Erd... We talked about this."

"We did, believe me that conversation is on repeat in my mind and yet I still can't fully comprehend why..."

"I thought you understand already..."

"I do Mixx, I do understand but at the same time I don't."

"Aren't we fine the way we are?"

"We are."

"Aren't we happy the way we are?"

"We have our times."

"I just don't want to tie us down..."

"You don't want to tie us down or you just don't trust us to make this work?"

"Erd it's not easy okay? What will the fans say? What will our parents say? And what if one day we can't take it anymore? I don't want to lose you. I'd rather be hated that lose you. You know I won't be able to take it if I lose you."

"How many times do I have to tell you, no matter what happens you'll never lose me Mixx."

"You're just saying that now because we're not on that situation yet."

"Mixx.."

"Erd please I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Whenever we're on this topic you always dodge it. Tell me honestly Mixx am I really some-" My words were cut as I feel his lips on mine.

I stare at his eyes that was also staring at me and after a few second his eyes closed as his hand went to cup my cheeks and kiss me further more. My hand hand going to his nape pulling him close as I savor the taste of his sweet lips.

After a few minutes he pulled away, his forehead resting on mine as the tips of our nose touch one another. As his eyes flutter open I can see how his eyes begs me not to say anything anymore and I feel my heart aches as I see him look at me like this.

Just one look from him is enough to shut me up and lose all my energy and at the same time regain all my energy. I release yet another deep sigh and he lean forward and peck my lips again as he buries his head on my neck and all I could do was wrap my arms around his body and let our bodies feel each other's warmth.

I rest my chin on his shoulder as he continue to straddle me and as I savor his warmth and comforting smell. We were both silent and still for a few minutes. I don't have any energy left to say anything anymore not wanting to agitate him furthermore.

"Trust me Erd please..." he asked hesitantly and pleadingly

"I trust you with my all Mixx you know that."

"Wait for me"

"You know you don't have to ask because I will." But until when? My mind asked silently

"I'll have the courage one day so please don't leave me."

"You know I couldn't even make it a day without you."

"I love you Erd."

"I love you too Mixx." I feel him tighten his hold on me as he buries his face on my nape even more. I just let him do whatever he wants as I just hold him tight.

Clearly we want each other but too scared to risk everything. He knows I want him, that I yearn for him. I know he wants me and love me but too scared to lose me, to risk.

Because we know that something would change in us later on. He has far too much on his plate and I shouldn't add into it anymore, we should let fate take us wherever it wants us to be. I just hope and pray to all the beings in this lifetime that whatever it is he doesn't get hurt and let us be beside each other no matter what.

The End.