Blind

Ep. 4: attention.

21

You agreed to 'try for baby' with Taehyung.... You figured, it'll help maybe? Help him stop doing what he does, help him become a better man and get his life together, help him stop doing drugs, drinking, smoking, treating you bad... maybe it'll help you get some food stamp, wic, tax money, anything at this point.

Even though you were doing fine, a year has passed and everything's been the same... you've recovered more than enough money that Taehyung lost, titled, 'in case of emergency.'

Your old work place gave you a raise, your newer workplace needs you just as much, they always have you working when you can.

At least I have enough money to pay for everything and still save now...

"Why can't you get pregnant?? I don't understand what's wrong!" Taehyung pushes you by your shoulders.

You were shocked, yea he was drunk but- that doesn't give him a reason to be so physical.

"Tae-" you hold your right shoulder, he had pushed it a little harder than the other side. It hurt.

"If you could just give me a goddamn child, I wouldn't be this way." He growls at you, grabbing his bottle of soju and walking out.

You sat there in tears, is this what alcohol and drugs do to you?... really? In long relationships....?

-

One day Taehyung had come back from his friend's place he looked super high, you didn't want to mess with him, you didn't want him to mess with you too, you had a long day of work and you were tired.

He never hugs or cuddles you to sleep anymore, so sleeping without him wouldn't mean anything.

-

"Come on," you say, hugging him, "cuddle me.."

"You're already cuddling me," he says, turned the opposite way of you, the both of you laying in bed.

You sigh, "no, I want you to cuddle me. I miss you, I've been working nonstop."

"Just sleep, I'm tired," he says, never turned around to look at you.

You turn the other way, sad that not even the little bit of attention you want from him, he won't give it when all you do is work and buy him his needs.

Food, water, cigarettes, soju.

-

"Come on, can't we just sit and talk... have some hot tea," you pout, scooting closer to him on the couch.

"No, I'm busy," he says, flipping through the channels on the tv and touching his phone at the same time. You peeked at his phone, he was texting his friends,... as always. They always just.. wanna do drugs and chill together. He loves them because they had his back when he had no where to go.

"But can't we just talk for a little bit? We never get to talk... you know... I'm working everyday nonstop, I just want a little attention even if I'm tired.." you hold onto his arm, begging at this point.

"I don't care, you put that upon yourself," he growls, pushing your hands off his arm as he nudges your side with his elbow.

"Taehyung,.. you changed, and I should be the one yelling and complaining.. I'm the one working my ass off," you look down, sad.

He flips the coffee table over which had the hot tea on it, "cant you just leave me the fuck alone. I'm tired of your shit, always asking for attention."

He ran out to smoke and walked to his friends place.

You sat there, crying, ceramic mugs broken on the wooden floor, hot tea all over.