The story of my boyhood

My trans Journey Part 1

When I was younger, around 6 or 7, I often felt.. Off?? Like I was not myself. I forgot my name easily. Who I was, was not my true self. I never felt as if I was Heather. I've also been dealing with self hate, and not accepting my body, from a very early age. When I say very early age I would aim around 3-5, as a guess. I believed it was my weight, and to be honest, maybe some of this uncomfortableness was. Who wouldn't lead to that conclusion?? I lived in a household where my parents were open about their beliefs of "being skinny is the only way to be happy." Or being rewarded when I dropped a few pounds. But in a way I always knew that wasn't all. There was a time where I was feeling horrible about myself, and it was going on for a week at the point of realization. This was I assume sometime during winter break 6th grade. One night I did research on gender dysphoria. It explained how I felt in every way. I made many drawings of what I would look like male, and picked out names. I ended up with Elijah, and have not changed it. That day forward I wore more, oversized clothes. 2 months after having all my shit together, I came out to my sister and best friend. (Shes a bitch ngl -future elijah) In the next 2 weeks I slowly came out to my other friends. Now it's been around months since I've known. Around a week ago my parents went through my social media. I was outed. My father has called me insane many times, told me I'm too young. To him I'm still his smart, pretty, perfect little girl. The way I'm meant to be. My mother is more, ok, with it. She lets me wear my little sis's sports bra. ( very small, decent at binding) She's offered to cut my hair. ( she's been to hair school) And she rarely, but sometimes, uses my pronouns and chosen name. It seems kinda sad that my friends are way more accepting than my parents, but at least my mother is accepting at all, and I have my great friends.To be honest with yall, being trans sucks. Gender dysphoria is so crappy. Crying yourself to sleep because you'll never be who you want. I've gotten better though. I try new things to lessen dysphoria or pass better. I do jaw exercises to make my face less round, I voice train, I've started dressing differently. And tomorrow my mother is giving me my first masc haircut. This is the basics so far, and I'll keep you updated.