Be my struggle

I want to die

I want to die
but I don't want to die
I want to live
even though that doesn't seem possible
right now, or ever really

Is living too much to ask for
in times like this
crying every night
of my existence

Until the sun comes up
and I am forced
to put a smile on my face
and bring happiness
to those who are miserable
just like me

Hiding behind the lie
that blossoms
like flowers
at the end of winter

The real truth
hanging inside my throat
waiting for a chance
to jump right out

I feel wretched
just like you
just like everyone else

I want to die
but I want to live