Mismatched

To the Battlefield!

On Tuesday, I decided to invite the nerd over to my house for a competitive gaming session on my PlayStation 4. I wanted to see which one of us was the better gamer.

To tell you the truth, absolutely nothing could prepare me for what would happen between us.

At about five PM, Hera arrived at my house. And not a moment too soon, either, because I had already set everything up and was ready to school this damn nerd.

After I turned my console on, I selected Swords of Spirits 6 (my all-time favorite fighting game).

"I love that game!" Hera said, breaking the silence. "I play it with my mom all the damn time! Unfortunately, she always wins."

After selecting the conditions for all our battles (up to five sixty-second rounds with no ring-outs), I selected "Start Game".

Fellers, it's battle time!

I selected Athena (the hottest character in the game), and of course, Hera selected the nunchaku master, Xiao-Liu.

Gotta admit, Xiao-Liu IS really hot and muscular...

I selected the stage we would fight upon: the Shrine of Eurydice. As soon as the game loaded up, we were ready!

Battle one.

FIGHT!

I was the one to take first blood in the round with a 9-hit combo, but Hera struck back with a powerful 8-hit combo with Xiao-Liu. However, I came back by deflecting a shot coming my way with a Guard Impact and hit Xiao-Liu with a super powerful Break Attack, dealing a Lethal Hit and breaking Xiao-Liu's shirt!

"Well!" Hera yelled in surprise at what had just happened. "I certainly didn't expect that!"

"What can I say? I'm the best Swords of Spirits player in my family!"

At that moment of distraction, Hera dealt a big deal of damage, and now I was at critical vitality! But I came back with a Critical Edge, putting her at critical vitality as well!

But would this nerd give up? Hell no! She hit me with a big combo, damn near knocking out my character!

"Huh. You're not bad... for a nerd," I told her after knocking her Xiao-Liu out. But this girl wouldn't let that slide in the slightest! She jabbed me in the arm.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"Call me a nerd again, JJ! Call me a nerd again! I dare you! I double dare you, motherfucker! Call me a nerd one more god-damned time!"

Ugh, we all know where that line is from...

Battle two.

FIGHT!

I blocked a few shots from her Xiao-Liu, and as soon as I let go of my guard, I hit her with a punishing counterattack! Hera was surprised that I was able to get a combo in so quickly.

As soon as her meter filled once, she immediately activated her 15-hit Critical Edge!

"Well! The dweeb learned something new!"

That was enough to make Hera even more pissed than she already was. And I don't know how Mom heard that, but almost immediately after, I heard: "Jason! Leave Hera alone with those nasty names! I swear to God, if you call her one more nasty name, I'm shoving that fucking controller up your God damn ass!!"

Before I knew it, at that next moment of distraction, I got KO'd again! God, that wasn't fair!

Battle three.

FIGHT!

Comeback time! I was ready to school this nerd and claim supremacy amongst us!

I started off with a 10-hit combo, which I thought was going to be a no-doubter, but Hera did a smart thing: she blocked them all, and hit me with a huge lethal hit as a counter!