"Cheryl? Cheryl say something." Toni shook Cheryl's hands still encased in her own from side to side. Cheryl stared, wide eyed, mouth agape, right through her, completely unable to say a word.
"Cheryl?" she asked again. Nothing. Toni felt her emotions rising in her, threatening to bubble over. "Cheryl! You have to say something!" She had managed to remain rational through this, now Cheryl had to do the same.
Okay, so that wasn't completely fair. Toni had been given ample time to cry and scream, all with her loving best friend there to hold her when the time came. Cheryl had a right to be upset. But if she would just say something, anything, good or bad, Toni could help her through it. Toni could be there to love her and hold her when she needed to be held.
Cheryl wasn't saying a word, so Toni decided to continue to talk to her until she came back.
"Cher." she said again, "Cheryl, I've been really really scared. You can't even imagine. These past two weeks have just been anguish, not knowing. But I was too afraid to do anything, afraid of finding out for sure I really was pregnant. Veronica finally forced me to take a test. Actually I took several. And I was such a wreck, I couldn't even think about telling you. I thought about just getting rid of it without anyone save me and Veronica ever knowing a thing."
Cheryl was looking at her now, her eyes running up and down her face, taking in her words. Toni could see life again behind her eyes. She was coming back to her.
She continued, "Ronnie of course told me I had to talk to you about it. Cher, we need to work through this together, okay? Come to a decision we both agree on. But, you know, working through this together is going to require you to talk to me."
Toni let out a breath of relief and waited patiently for her to reply.
Cheryl slowly spoke, lifting Toni's hands up in hers, holding them close to her chest, and looking in her eyes, "This is really huge." she whispered.
Toni couldn't resist the sarcastic eye roll she shot back at her.
"But you already know that." Cheryl said, looking down at her jeans. She looked back up at her light brown eyes and cleared her throat.
Toni could see how hard Cheryl was having to work at making an effort to remain calm and level headed, and part of her was grateful. She needed to be mature about this now. But another part of Toni almost wanted to see her scream and cry as much as she had, both for the satisfaction of seeing her go through the same toils as her, and also so that she too could return to this childlike state and cry with her.
Maybe if they held each other and worked through the pain and the fear together, everything would be much better by tomorrow. Maybe, even, if they made love again, Cheryl would finally realize her feelings for her.
But Toni knew that was out of the question and she hated herself for thinking about it right now. She needed to be brave on her own, and face her fears on her own, tackling the problem that no matter what Veronica said, she knew she was just as responsible for this child as Cheryl. She couldn't insist on depending on her now. She was never there to be dependable, that would have completely gone against the premise of an affair.
"Toni?" she asked softly. Toni realized now that she had been the one who was spacing out too long.
"Yes?" she asked.
Cheryl blew out a long breath, "I think the decision should be one hundred percent your own. And I...I'll support you no matter what you decide." she gulped.
Toni placed a hand on Cheryl's cheek gently. She was shocked at how hot her skin felt. "We're going to work through this together. Like I said. And Cher, I don't think I could make the decision on my own. I don't think I'm strong enough. I-" her mouth began to quiver, twitching as she fiercely fought back tears.
