"Pick me, and only me, or get out of my house." she said, surprised at how firm she sounded, despite the fact that her insides were quaking. She wasn't going to let Cheryl walk away when the time came and cause her to cry. She was beating her to the punchline.
Cheryl stared dumbfounded at her for a few seconds, and then blinked heavily, shaking her head. "Toni, you knew what this was, I mean, I-I-I care about you, you know I do, but I just can't...I mean... Toni y-you're the one who...I mean this was an affair...Are you saying you want to end it?" she looked at Toni where she sat across the room on her dark bedspread hoping that she'd only had a momentary lapse and would forget her previous statement.
Toni swallowed hard. Cheryl had yet to directly answer her question, but she realized with a horrifying sinking feeling that she had just gotten her answer. Toni had asked her to choose her over Hayley, and Cheryl had replied,
"Are you saying you want to end it?"
What she was really saying when she asked this was that if she was going to make her choose, then she was going to choose to end things with her.
"I want to end the hiding. I don't want to end us." Toni said softly, "I want a relationship with you."
"We have a relationship." Cheryl argued.
"I want a steady, exclusive relationship." Toni said, looking her directly in the eyes, "I want to be the only one you kiss. I want to be the only one you want to kiss. And I want to be able to kiss you whenever I want, instead of running around secretly. I want you to call me for check-ins and I want you to tell me you love me. Not her." Toni chose not to say Hayley's name, knowing it would hurt too much if Cheryl left in a second, knowing it would be because she wanted to be with her.
Cheryl was silent for a moment that felt like an eternity. She licked her lips before biting the bottom one. Her expression was pained. She looked down at the palms of her hands, opening them up to her eyes. She looked back up at the pink haired beauty sitting amongst the sheets, her pink haired beauty the past few weeks, and still hers now if she decided to break up with her girlfriend for her. She sighed loudly, and walked towards the bed.
Toni looked up at her in wonder as she stopped in front of her. Cheryl brushed some hair behind her ear, and cupped her hands around her face. She held her face and looked at it for what seemed like forever, looking deep into her light brown eyes.
She finally leaned down to kiss her ever so softly, their lips touching briefly in a sweet embrace. She finally rested her forehead against Toni's. Toni smiled, both their eyes closed, feeling safe in her arms, and relieved.
"I'm sorry Toni." Cheryl murmured softly.
Toni's face crumpled as she registered the weight of her words. The bitch! She had completely misread this kiss, had thought of it as the beginning of something new and wonderful, but it was...an ending. She was leaving her. She wouldn't choose her. In those three words she had chosen that brown eyed beauty over the light brown eyed one in her arms.
In those three words, Cheryl had ended all hope of her saying another three worded phrase Toni had longed so desperately to hear her say to her for so long.
"What?" Toni croaked, pulling back, her devastated expression having completely given way to tears. Sobs began to come uncontrollably, a strong fear of hers coming true; She was crying in front of Cheryl. But she was at a point beyond caring by now. If she had to put down her defenses for Cheryl to see how truly helpless she was, how badly and honestly she needed her, albeit.
She had to keep herself from shouting, "Don't leave me!" at her amidst the sobs that now choked and gagged her, and blurred her vision, mascara seeping in and burning at her eyeballs. She wouldn't say that. She was Toni fucking Topaz, and if nothing else, she had dignity. Love, friendship, happiness, these things were inconsistent for any human being, but Toni always had her pride.
