A Beast in Repose

part i

"You can watch me corrode like a beast in repose." -- My Chemical Romance

Optimists will say everything happens for a reason; when one door shuts, a window opens. Kyungsoo's life is a series of closed doors that lead to windows he's forced to pry open in desperation. Every dream and aspiration he's ever had has been crushed, burnt to ash as he watches the smoldering remains float away on the wind. At twelve years old his mother succumbs to cancer, leaving him with a father who was already showing signs of instability. It's no surprise when his mind goes less than a year later, a thirteen year old son left to take care of them both. The money runs out when he's sixteen, offering him no choice other than to find a job after school. It's not glamorous, but it pays the bills and he does it with a smile on his face because if he dares frown he's afraid he'll never stop. 

Kyungsoo has always wanted to sing, to be on a stage surrounded by thousands of people who want to hear his voice. It's a dream that keeps him going during long hours of grueling labor and an unresponsive father when he finally drags himself home. At eighteen his father gets worse and he has no choice but to admit him to an institution to be taken care of. Because of this, he shelves his dream of singing. The bills are too much and he can't justify college when his own flesh and blood needs him. He's still forced to sell their family home for money and move into an apartment with a friend from school because he has nowhere else to go and the rent is cheap. Wufan is the one that takes care of Kyungsoo, making sure he eats enough and doesn't sleep too late to make it on time for his shifts. Wufan is the one Kyungsoo clings to and cries in front of when things become too much. Another hospital bill falls from his fingers and he collapses into his friend's arms and he knows Wufan will always catch him.

It's only inevitable that he falls in love. But things never go the way they should. In a moment of clarity, he confesses, tells Wufan how much he truly means to him and how much he loves him. He hopes to see the same love reflected back in his brown eyes, but he doesn't. All he sees is sorrow. Wufan loves someone else, someone he's never even mentioned before and it's only then that Kyungsoo realizes maybe they aren't as close as he thought. Heartbreak closes him off, keeps him in his room when Wufan is home and he begins slipping up at work. Two weeks of this and he's fired.

At twenty-one years old, Kyungsoo is jobless, inundated with bills and nursing a broken heart. He needs a change and he needs it now.

The sight before him is daunting, an old house that raises three stories into the sky. The paint is chipping around the shutters and the front gate is all but rusted shut. The hedges are growing into the wooden fence and the grass is overrun with weeds. A lonely porch is in need of a good washing and he feels sad. There's so much potential for beauty under all the neglect and he can only wonder why such a place was left to ruin.

"Do Kyungsoo, I presume?" He jumps a little, startled at the voice, but composes himself long enough to give a smile and a nod to the man at the door. "Do you need any help with your belongings?"

Kyungsoo looks down at the small bag clutched in his hand. "This is all I have, sir."

He thinks he sees pity in the other man's eyes, but it's quickly masked. "Come on in then."

The foyer is large, his sneakers squeaking on the hard wood floor and echoing against the high vaulted ceiling. The white paint is fresher inside although it doesn't make it seem any less drab. There are shades of white and grey in the simple decorations and furnishings, giving it an unlived in feel. For a home, it seems cold and empty.

"I'm Kim Joonmyun and I handle all the estate finances. If you'll follow me, I'll show you to your room."

Kyungsoo falls in step behind the man, eyes raking over immaculate floors and spotless rugs. He's taken up a flight of stairs before turning left toward a room near the end of the hall. It's simple as well, a twin sized bed against one wall and a dresser on the other.