Frozen freedom

Dark

I let go of daisy
"I'm gonna come over first thing in the morning, promise"
She smiles, her eyes still red with tears
"Thanks little bro" she chuckles and i walk upstairs to get jas
I knock
"C-come in" her sniffly voice calls from inside the room, i slowly open the door and see jas sitting on the floor. Thrown piles of toys and clothes around her and her face red from crying
"...Jas?" i lean down and wipe the tears from her face
"She's just so mean" she sniffles between each word.
"I promise i'll make it better" i smile at her and start picking up the clothes
"You have a backpack?' i ask, she nods and wipes her eyes
"In there" she points to the closet
I open the closet and pull out the bag. As I pack her things I think to myself, how is my sister in a worse place than me? I always thought my life was the epitome of bad. I'm an alcoholic, I work a shit minimum wage job, I spend all my free time in a bar, alone. Everyone hates me, people would even notice if i just "disappeared." but somehow my sister can't handle the work of raising her own kid so much that she leaves her out in the freezing cold.
"Ready?" i hold out my hand and help jas up
She nods and takes my hand, her eyes still puffy
I walk her down the stair and she waves goodbye to her mom
Daisy gives me a reassuring smile through her tear covered cheeks
I smile but i try to reassure her that everything is going to be okay
I walk out the door so my mind still races. I don't know how I'm gonna take care of a child, I can barely take care of myself. But i know im doing the right thing, jas needs me right now. Everyone does.

We walk down the street the air cold and crisp
Snow slowly drifts down landing on the cement, my breathing remains sharp but Jas's humming seems to little the mood of the whole situation.
We walk past the saloon, everyone inside is so lively and you can hear the upbeat tunes blaring out of the jukebox. I sigh, altho i don't like people, the town always seems so alive here during the day. But tonight isn't the night to get drunk, I have so many more responsibilities now.
Soon we get outside my apartment, the bland tan walls of the 2 story building makes it hard to feel "homey"
The stairs creak with each step and spider webs fill every small crevasse.
"S-S-S-SPIDER" Jas runs around yelling and screaming wiping all over her body. I grab on her shoulders and spin her towards me
"It ok it ok, there's no spiders" i push her hair behind her ear and smile
"But but but-" jas stutters
"Here" i pick her up and hold her like a baby "ill walk you up stairs then" i tickle her stomach and she giggles
I start walking up the stairs, each step making a loud creak
Step, step
Creak, creak
Step, step
Creak, creak
Step, ste-
I reach the top of the stairs and I set Jas down, my arms ache.
"God i guess i'm more out of shape then i thought" i chuckle to myself and jas laughs along with me
I open the door
The dark, empty room gilmers in the moonlight
I flick on the lights, the room lights up relieving the bland living room
Tan walls, stain covered couch i bought at a thrift store and dirty dishes fill the sink. Your classic depression ridden apartment. I set jas's bag down on the carpet a look into the fridge to grab a bottle of water
"Here" I hand her the bottle and she cracks it open and takes several sips. She hands me back the bottle and I take a large gulp and place the bottle back in the fridge.
Jas yawns, stretching her arms above her head
"Tired?" i ask and she nods
I unzip her back pack out pull out a pair of her pajamas and hand them to her
"Uh you can uh change in the bathroom" i open the bathroom door and she walks inside i close the door and stand next to the bathroom
"What have i gotten myself into" i whisper to myself, shaking my head
I can't take care of her, she needs a real family not a failure like me
My breathing becomes heavy, i'm just worthless
Nothing matter
She doesn't need me
I'm just in the way
I should just k-
The bathroom door swings open
"Here!' Jas shoves what she was wearing into my arms and i go and sit them on the couch.
Jas yawns again
"Guess you're ready for bed?" i chuckle and she nods
I open the bedroom door and switch on the lights
They flicker and buzz but untimely die out
I flick the switch again
Nothing, the room is completely dark
"Shit" i sigh and Jas shivers
"Do i...have to sleep alone?" she looks at me with the biggest puppy dog eyes i've ever seen
"What if I sleep next to you?' i gulp slightly but i know it would help her sleep
"Mhmm" she nods and hugs me. I don't understand her, she is so cheerful, without any real world problems. I don't understand what she sees in me, for all I know she probably doesn't even know we're related. I'm not special, honestly it would be better for her if she never knew me (i think most people would be better off that way)
"Up, up!" Jas raises her arms and jumps up and down
I lift her up and carry her into the bedroom and set her down in the dark bedroom
I sit down next to her and lay down, the pillows are cold. They feel like ice on my neck but it is also comforting on my sore neck
Jas lays down next to me and holds my side
"Night Jas" i gulp "...i love you"
"Love you to!" she giggles and closes her eyes